This thing that binds us
by GygyFr
Summary: Alternative to season 3 finale/ season 4 premiere. Matt has been kidnapped by Nesbitt and his men. What happened during the four days of his captibity? How Matt and his relatives had been through this? How they will get back together on the daily road, and how to deal with the aftermath of this tragic event? Sevasey bromance and Dawsey romance. Written with Justicerocks.
1. The awakening can be hard

Hello fanfiction readers !

Here is my new story ''This thing that bind us'' : it's based (again) on the event in the end of season 3, which is Matt's ''missing''. We are two writers : Justicerocks and I !

This idea was in my head before the first fanfiction (''Who will help our hero ?''). In fact it was just after the last episode of season 3. So I asked to Justicerocks to help me (if she could help me) and she accepted ! She really liked the idea and helped me, to correct my lines and to write some chapters (even if she is busy) or give me ideas. So thank you so much for your help !

We write this fanfiction in a particular way: we mark each change of perspective to facilitate understanding: to give a different view of several characters about a situation or to explain what is happening at the same time somewhere but also when there are flashbacks. In every change of persepective, we explain in what situation it is (if there is nothing, it takes the continuation, otherwise we explain it). And it's rated M because of this flashbacks

 **At the beginning, I wanted to update this fanfiction in english and in french (so publish two new fanfictions, one for each language), but French writers/readers can read english (otherwise they wouldn't be in this site!). So we will update only in english (and if you want the french version, ask me and I upload it).** **GygyFr**

 **I've really enjoyed helping GygyFr with this story and I really hope you all like it. Justicerocks**

So here is the summary : Matt is missing and the Intelligence Unit makes all they can to find him beofre it's too late. Some clues/evidences are given to them, and after four days, they found him, and took him to the hospital. But he isn't the same anymore, and both Gabby and Severide know that. Dr. Bennett (Matt's doctor, head of ICU), Sonia (Matt's nurse) and Dr. Charles (head of psychiatry) try to find how to help Matt, but his friends too. They hide something... Will they find out what happened and what they hide ?

Disclaimers : We don't own these characters : All the characters of the shows Chicago fire, Chicago PD and Chicago Med. But we own Dr. Bennett, Sonia and the other characters who aren't mentioned.

We don't know how much chapters we will write, but we have all the lines of this fanfiction. Of course, we accept some ideas, suggestions, comments, etc...

Thanks for reading it ! Justicerocks and GygyFr

* * *

 **External POV**

All the firefighters were in the waiting room. Some gnawed nails, and other crossed and re-crossed their arms or sighed. But all had the same mindset: one of their leaders was in a pretty bad shape. Hours ago, Antonio and Voight found Matt. Immediately, he was taken to the hospital. But the cops said nothing about Matt. Severide looked up for the first time, he saw a doctor get into the nurse station. The doctor spoke softly with a folder in his hands while the nurse nodded and wrote something on the computer. Instinctively, he jumped up and ran toward him.

"How's Matt Casey?"

The doctor jumped and looked him in the eyes. Severide could see the surprise in the physician's, and the physician couls see anxiety and anger in Severide's. The doctor swallowed.

"And you are?"

"Kelly Severide, his best friend and roommate."

All firefighters had risen, all worried and waiting for a response. The doctor sighed and took a deep breath. He held out his arm and his hand toward Severide.

"I'm Dr. Bennett, I'm taking care of your friend. Can alll of you sit down please?"

Firefighters obeyed after Severide shook the doctor's hand.

"So... I repeat my question: how is Matt Casey?"

This time the doctor didn't flinch nor jumped, not surprised by the question and its brutality this time. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath.

"I will not lie to you, it would serve no purpose. He is in critical condition but he is out of the wood. We have struggled to stabilize him. He is very weak and has not regained consciousness. He was hungry, thirsty and tortured... Pretty badly, in fact. He has several minor fractures, numerous bruises, cuts and hematomas all over his body. We rehydrated him with fluids and nutrients intravenously and fed him through a nasogastric tube. In the next days he will get better physically. But I think he's going to need your help and support to overcome what he experienced during the four days of hell. I can allow both of you to go to his room to ICU, but no more."

The doctor smiled slightly. A nurse appeared in the hallway holding his left arm, running as fast as possible towards the group of firefighters, but especially to Dr. Bennett.

"Doctor! Your patient... Your patient is awake!"

The firefighters sighed with relief. This was not the case of the doctor.

"Already? He had to stay asleep for a few hours at least..."

"He... He became uncontrollable doctor! We tried to hold him, but... But he got scared and... He hit the other nurse, and removed all... He locked himself in the bathroom!"

"The ba... ? Oh my God..."

Bennett sighed, closing his eyes. The firefighters were silent, not knowing what to think or say. They were in shock.

"Page Dr. Charles immediately and ask him to join me in room 397 intensive care."

The nurse of the reception formulated a "right now" very brief, before Benett will return to the group of firefighters.

"I'm sorry gentlemen, but you can't see him yet."

"I don't understand doctor. YOU don't understand: Matt has never been a violent person."

"I want to believe you, but what he went through, he may have changed. This is probably post-traumatic syndrome. I'm not an expert, but Dr. Charles is the head of psychiatry department. He will enlighten you better than me."

"I don't trust Dr. Charles! I don't even know him!"

"Kelly! That's enough!" exclaimed Boden. "I have seen him work during the explosion in this hospital. If anyone can help Casey, it's him."

Severide didn't like to know his best friend as aggressive and vulnerable. Bennett went back to Matt's room. Gabby and Severide turned to the group, who saw them insistently. Boden gave them the green light by moving his head up and down and looking at the ground to say "go". The two friends looked at each other and swooped toward the room and intensive care.

* * *

 **Matt's POV, at the same time**

My mind was immersed in a large thick fog. So thick that when I held out my hand, I couldn't see it anymore. I heard a strange noise in the distance, far. This noise froze my blood. My body was heavy, very heavy. And I had a headache. In fact, it hurt all over my body. The fog dispersed and suddenly I understood. I understood where I was. I knew I was no longer in that cold, damp room. I hadn't opened my eyes. I was too scared. The noise became louder, it gave more headache. I tried to feel my environment with my other senses. I felt something in my nose, another thing on my face and on my left arm, and three things on the chest. I was in bed, warm. I felt a presence beside me, two to be exact. I opened my eyes, enough to see what was around me, but not enough to be noticed. I had not moved but I knew my heart was accelerating. So I focused on two forms groaning around me. After thirty seconds of extreme concentration, I could see two men. My God, it was _them_... It was _them_ , _they_ came back?

"Hey Mark! Look, his pulse is racing."

"It is probably going to be awake."

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me?"

One of them, the one to my left caught my arm. Not understanding why or how, I jumped and walked away from the hand that touched me, while fully opening my eyes. I felt my breathing jerky.

"Sir, sir, calm down!"

I didn't have enough to calm down. These two men touched me again, and again. Like... I had to... I had to leave. The left man continued his approach, while the other was petrified. Suddenly, without warning, my fist struck the man with such force that he was thrown to the ground and banged his head into fall unconscious. I looked at my hand. It was shaking, my breath too as it was superficial.

"Mark!"

The other man was trying to hold me now, but not to avail for him. I struggled too hard for him to do something against me. Igripped his left wrist, strong enough to feel his bones crack under my grip. He screamed in pain and fell to the ground holding his wrist, the one I'd probably break. I took off very fast my infusion, oxygen mask, the tube in my nose, wires on my chest and tried to leave the room. But reaching the threshold of the door... I was paralyzed. There were too many people, too much... Too many men... No, I couldn't go out like that. A wave of panic overcame me, my legs were shaking, my breath still fast. I looked around me and saw the only room where I could definitely feel safe at last. I ran and shut the door, back glued to it to make sure no one else could go in. I was in total panic. I could feel the sweat running down my forehead, going down my cheeks and falling to the ground. After a few seconds it was joined by my tears. Large, heavy and hot tears. I didn't know why I was crying. And I was shaking like a leaf. I felt nothing but fear. I really had to feel something else... Something else...

* * *

 **External POV**

Bennett arrived in room 397 a little out of breath accompanied by the nurse had come explain the situation. The other man was still on the ground unconscious. Two doctors came to take him and look after him in another room.

"He hurt you ?"

The nurse jumped. Some sweat beads on his forehead ran.

"Yes... I think he broke my wrist."

"You're going to have to get treatment, but first I want you to tell me in detail what happened."

The nurse nodded and told him the whole story of what he remembered. He too was panicked. Panicked by so much violence in a body as weak as the fireman's body.

"Go get treatment. If he attacked you, it's probably because you are a man and you remember him his captors. It's not your fault. He could tackle any of us."

"If you say so."

The nurse left the room, accompanied by a doctor. Then came Dr. Charles.

"You paged me?"

Suddenly, a noise coming from the bathroom interrupted them. Something has broken and has fallen on the floor. Dr. Charles turned to Dr. Bennett.

"The fireman?"

"Yes" he says nodding. "He awoke and panicked. The nurse you saw out has a broken wrist and another is still unconscious. He has a moderate head injury and a big headache upon awakening. According to the words of the nurse, he would have tried to escape before retracting and shut himself up in the bathroom."

"It's typical of people in post-traumatic stress disorder. He probably saw every doctor in the hallway and panicked. He took refuge in the only room where he could be alone and feel safe."

"The bathroom?"

"Exactly."

The two doctors looked into the eyes. Bennett lowered his.

"I... I was talking with his friends when he woke up. I thought that because of the bathroom..."

"That he had been sexually abused?" Dr. Charles finished for him.

Bennett nodded again, this time with eyes closed.

"And this is the case?"

"I... I didn't do the tests. I didn't think it was useful, there were no marks indicating he had been. No trace of blood or semen, nothing."

"In such cases, you should always prepare for all eventualities. If he was drugged before being tortured, then there will be no trace because he could not defend himself or tense. And there is more than penetration with sexual abuse, doctor. I think he took refuge here because it was the one piece at his hands. If this room was a broom closet, that would not have changed something. He would be locked himself in."

"What do we do then ? If he broke the mirror as we think, he could cause injury if it is not already done."

"You have someone they trust, someone who knows him in the heart. Don't rush. If you open the door and force it, he reacts as if he had done something wrong, it would only worsen the situation."

"I'll do it."


	2. I want to feel alive

**Hey readers!**

 **Thanks for reading our fanfiction! And thanks for the reviews!**

 **Here is the seconde chapter, and after this one, we will take more time to publish another chapter (maybe once a week).**

 **But we're sure you will enjoy!**

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I could hear two people talking. One of the voices didn't seem unknown to me, I had heard it somewhere. I didn't know where. I still was behind that door, crying silently and trembling still more each passing minute. I had to make myself feel alive. I had to find something to feel alive and good. My eyes fell on the only thing I saw in the room: the mirror. I had to break the mirror. I made a considerable effort to stand up without making noise, but the pain went through my body. I ran on the mirror and knocked over all my strength to break it with my fist. A new pain tore me and ice fell on my feet. I was finally relieved. The pain was there, I was alive. I was not dreaming. My blood joined the pieces of broken mirror. Where did this blood come from, I couldn't say precisely. But I felt alive, and to me, that was the most important. My head ached, my chest too. I was hot, very hot. The sweat continued to flow afloat. I had to do something. I couldn't stand the heat that enveloped me. I turned my head and saw the shower. Damn, a shower... A real shower... I missed that. That's what I needded. I took off my gown, dropped it to the floor and walked over to this famous shower. I felt a few more pieces sank under the soles of the feet, but it doesn't hurt my hand. I was even more alive. I didn't care completely. It was absolutely necessary that I take this shower.

* * *

 **External POV**

"I'll do it."

Dr. Charles and Dr. Bennett turned in surprise to meet Gabby and Kelly. They both look worried. They had heard the entire conversation between the two doctors.

"Gabriela Dawson and Kelly Severide right?"

"Yes".

Kelly clutched the hand of Gabby, she was shaking. Dr. Charles seemed intrigued.

"You are Casey's friends?"

"I'm his best friend and roommate."

"I'm... I'm his ex-fiancée, and... And he is the father of my baby."

Bennett opened his mouth but no sound came out. Kelly looked down and continued to caress Gabby in the back and on the arms.

"Since you followed me from the waiting room, I can assume you've overheard our conversation..."

"He was tortured for four days without interruption. We know that... Anyway, I think that if I woke up in a hospital surrounded by doctors, including men looking like my captors, I would react the same way."

A sound came from the bathroom. The doctors turned their face to the door.

"What? What is this?"

"The shower..."

"What, he has no right to take a shower? It is probably to relax him!" Gabby tried to explain.

"This is not the problem. As I explained to dr. Bennett, there are two possibilities: either he is shut here because there were no other places close to enclose, or..."

Dr. Charles didn't know whether to continue. He saw the distress of the two friends and took a deep breath.

"Or he was also sexually tortured and the only place where a victim of this kind of torture feels safe, it is in the bathroom. And especially in the shower. Usually hot, to the point of burning the skin. This is to wash, clean feel after being soiled."

"Matt ... Matt was raped?" Gabby asked, completely frightened.

"We don't know, I didn't do tests when he arrived. There were no visible signs of sexual violence."

"Oh my God..."

Kelly was totally distraught. His best friend, his brother had been through hell, but he didn't know everything. He felt guilty, guilty for not having been there to protect him. Neither help overcome this. He knew that Matt was afraid, he was alone and he was panicking. He knew it as if he and Matt shared the same body.

"Let me talk to him. Please. I need to talk to him."

"He locked the door from inside."

"You... You can't reopen it? You have a special key, don't you?"

"Yes, we have one. But I think it would be a bad idea to enter the room if he is in panic. This might make things worse. Above all he has with him enough to kill himself if he wanted."

"What? What do you mean?"

"We heard the mirror shatter. I think he had to hit it and..."

"And you believe he make attempt on his life?" Gabby asked.

"It's a possibility, yes. In a panic, after what he went through, many people would end as soon as they have the opportunity."

"No, YOU don't understand! He was attached to the hands and feet with a rope very special: if he was struggling, it clasped her wrists and lacerated it to the blood. If he had really wanted to finish off his life, he would have done during his captivity."

"It's the truth Bennett?"

"Yes. The rope used to tie him up consisted of a single rope surrounded by barbed wire and iron wire. If he was struggling, it could kill him by piercing him radial arteries."

"So... Something kept him alive while he was tortured. Dawson right?"

"Yes? Uh, sorry, you scared me. You can call me Gabby."

"Okay. Gabby, is Matt still love you?"

Both Kelly ans Gabby were surprised by this question.

"I... I don't know... I... No, I don't know."

"He still love you Gabby."

Gabby jumped in Kelly's arms. He moved away from her but still held her hand. He opened his mouth.

"You broke up because of work. But he still loves you. He said nothing, but he didn't want having relations with another woman after you. It is me who have driven to do so. But..."

"But he was fine with that woman, right? Pridgen's if I remember correctly!"

"Gabby listen to me! He knew nothing of this woman before engaging a relationship. When he found out who she was, when she first came to the firehouse, he broke up right away. He would not risk his career because it meant he could no longer protect you."

" Protect me? About what?"

"He's worried about you. He knows the work and its risks. He knows it is dangerous and he doesn't want anything to happen to you. One day he told me that you were a great firefighter, the best he had to train for years. But he doesn't want to lose you, not like he lost Hallie."

Gabby was now in tears. Matt protected her, even after their break. Because he still loved her.

« He loves you Gabby. He would be ready to give his life to save you. And even if he is not aware, he will have a new reason to live ».

Gabby rolled her eyes and understood. She dropped to her hand to her belly and stroked it.

"He... He always wanted to have children. I don't know if this is the right time for him."

"Gabby, if it can afford to bring him back to reason, calm him and help him through this ordeal, we have to try".

Gabby took a few seconds before nodding and smiling slightly.

"You're right, Kelly."

He smiles. Then he took a serious tone, turning to the doctors.

"I'm going to talk to him."

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

The wall of the shower was cold. Almost frozen despite the condensation. The water was just the opposite. It burned me, hurt me, but I didn't care. I still chattering teeth, I shivered. I had to keep warm with hot water... I was there, back against the wall, water dripping on my shoulders, eyes closed. On the floor, the water mixed with blood. I was bleeding? It was not a big deal. I just wanted to be under water. Feeling alive. My head ached, hammer banging increasingly strong inside, my vision became blurred a few minutes ago, my breathing fast and shallow. I slid to the ground. I had no strength in the legs anymore, or the rest of the body. I felt I still cried. I was crying? I didn't know.

"Matt?"

I didn't move, my breathing was more or less cut off. That voice... I knew it.

"Matt, it's me... This is Kelly."

Kelly...

"Matt, please open up to me."

No... I knew he couldn't see me, but I shook my head. My teeth were chattering again. It came back to me: fast and shallow breathing, cold, blurred vision... It was like a shock.

"Matt?"

I listened to this voice carefully. She seemed friendly. I heard a discussion between that voice and another.

"And if he is injured and can not open the door? You thought about it?"

"Kelly, he is panicked, probably in shock. He will not want to leave the bathroom, especially if he is in the shower. He has to do it himself."

"And if he can not! You said he had broken the mirror. And if he was injured or breaking when the chips have fallen, or to go in the shower?"

"That's a possibility."

"A possibility that you don't take into account I see! I knew Matt for much longer than you, I live with Matt for nearly a year. I know what he has in mind. If he doesn't open the door, it's because he is injured, and not a little. Either you'll open up that door now or you will have a death in your arms and I will attack you to court for failure to assist a person in danger and manslaughter!"

Kelly didn't laugh. It was... I don't know. My body no longer responded to my commands. I heard the lock and the door opened slowly.

"Matt?"


	3. Never be the same

Hey readers! We hope you liked the first chapters! Here we go: here is the third chapter!

Hope you will enjoy again !

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I took a deep breath before entering the bathroom.

"Matt?"

It was very hot. There was condensation everywhere, it was like a steam room. This contrasted with the cold thrill that went through my spine. The mirror was on the ground and there was blood. Lots of blood. I turned to the doctors and Gabby with a worried expression in my face. I didn't know what to do. Dr. Bennett gave me a nod and shut the door, leaving ajar.

"Matt? It's me."

I didn't know what to say. I heard the water running, and I heard him cry too. why was he crying? Was he afraid? Was he injured? I approached slowly from the cabin and pulled the curtain a little. My eyes were fixed on this form half lying on the floor and totally red, supported only by the wall. I felt my eyes widen and become damp. My god... Matt... I took off my clothes to leave on me only my boxer and introduce me into the shower. Damn, it was hot! But Matt didn't move. I went and sat beside him. He still didn't move, even if I saw that his eyes were slightly open.

"Matt..."

I tried to take his arm, to reassure him, but he was frightened and struggled.

"Matt, Matt! It's me, just me! I am here to help you! I don't want to hurt you Matt!"

He took a few seconds before he stopped gesticulating. he didn't look at me. I began my approach again with much more delicacy, this time successfully. I took his wrist to check his pulse. Fast... Almost irregular. I felt his breathing shallow and fast invading the shower despite the sound of water flowing. His teeth were chattering despite the hot water. He was in shock. And it was urgent to take him in charge. His lips began to become even slightly blue.

"Matt, let me help you. Please."

He didn't move. Except for chattering teeth and shivering. He was scared. This, was scary. I had never seen a similar situation, and I never imagined that this could happen to my best friend, someone who was like a brother to me. He was afraid.

"You must be afraid Matt. I'm here now. I won't let anything happen to you. They can't hurt you, no one can hurt you. Let me help you."

His head moved towards me. His eyes met mine. I saw in his eyes that he only wanted to believe me.

"I promise you Matt. I promise that nothing can happen to you. No more. Now let me please help you."

He closed his eyes, he snuggled against me, as for me to comfort him. I felt my skin burning more and more. I took him in my arms, his head fell on my shoulder. I even shook him.

"I know Matt. Let me help you."

His only answer was a slight nod. His eyes closed and I felt his strength leaving him, his head became heavy on my shoulder, his arms fell down his body. He was unconscious. It was not good, not good at all. I looked up and stopped the water which was still flowing.

"Bennett!"

The door opened and then appeared the two doctors, a nurse and Gabby.

"He just fainted. He is burned by water but shivering and her lips are blue. He is in shock!"

Bennett asked me to help lengthen Matt.

"Page Dr. Reismann and go get me saline. Severide, you have to continue to shower him but with lukewarm water. It must cool his skin before injuries are getting worse."

Benett put two fingers on his carotid.

"Tachyarrhythmia, weak breathing and superficial."

"I will seek oxygen."

"A non-rebreather mask Gabby. And also what to monitor him."

"Right."

Gabby ran out of the room. The nurse came back and began to set him up on a large infusion flow.

"Dr. Charles, we will need a stretcher."

"I have oxygen, EKG and the oximeter."

"Put him only the oximeter for now Gabby."

She nodded and stared it at Matt's index, then stared the mask and pushed oxygen thoroughly.

"Tachycardia 127, respiration to 6 per minute and 91% sats."

"It's... Is it good?"

"No Kelly. The pulse should be between 60 and 100 beats, breathing should be about 15 per minute and saturation greater than 97%."

"Dr. Bennett? His BP is at 8 over 6."

"Ok. We continue to cool the burns until the arrival of Reismann. He'll know what to do."

"You don't know?"

"I am not specialized in burns, Reismann yes. Meanwhile, I know we need to cool the skin of a burned person with lukewarm water to prevent the extension of burns, whether in surface and in depth."

Gabby was crying and mumbling something.

"Bring me what to do an adequate filling ang an O negative bag. And go get me Reismann! Tell him it's urgent!"

The nurse returned a few minutes later with Dr. Reismann.

"So what do we have?"

"34 years old man, in shock, and burned by the water of the shower. He lost consciousness about 10 minutes ago. Tachycardia at 130, weak breathing to 5 per minute and saturation to 94% thanks to the mask. Set a saline in the speed infuser to start a filling."

"Ok... Superficial second-degree burn on approximately 20% TBSA and first degree burn on nearly 30%."

"Is it serious doctor?" asked Kelly.

"If I understand it could have been worse, but it's still 20% of the body. Go get me Flammazine, antiseptics and dressings bands, a pocket of antibiotics and morphine."

The nurse ran out of the room.

"You can stop the shower."

I cut off the water supply while doctors took towels and dried Matt gently, being careful to burns. Then Matt was put on a stretcher and took the direction of the bed in the room. The nurse removed the semi-sitting position to a lying position.

"Do we have to intubate him doctor?"

"No, it would just make things worse if he wakes up. We will try non-invasive ventilation. I want you to find me a nasal mask and a nebulizer. This will make him less afraid when he wakes that intubation or mask."

"And for the gastric tube? What do we do?"

"Each thing at the time. But go find me one. Oxygenation is only temporary. Oh, and go find me a kit and a laryngoscope."

"A kit? What for?"

"Kelly... They need to know if Matt was sexually assaulted or not" Gabby said.

"And the laryngoscope"? It is to do what?"

Gabby didn't answer, but just lowered her eyes and began to cry. I knew now that it was to see if _they_ had tried to... Damn... Just thinking about it, it made me want to vomit. What a nightmare. I could not control myself, it was stronger than me. I ran to the toilet and retched out everything I ate before coming to the hospital. It took me a few seconds to get over my emotions, pull the flush and back to the room with the others. I was sweaty. And still in boxer.

"Everything is there doctor."

"All right, we first remove those pieces of mirror, we disinfect, treat burns, we band and then do the rest of the examinations."

The room had become a space anthill. Now there were four nurses who were working in parallel of the two doctors.

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I heard again this regular noise that woke me up the first time. Whoever typed in the ears, and gave a headache. I felt something going into my veins. It was nice and cold. This contrasted with the rest of my body. I had trouble breathing, I couldn't move. There are voices speaking.

"How is he? No lies."

"He is stable, but he is in a bad shape. We treated the burns and injuries caused by the mirror, we put on antibiotics to prevent and fight infection because his body is too weak to fight it alone. He has a lot of dust in the lungs but nothing else. That is why he has trouble breathing. The nebulizer is there for. It oxygenates the lungs and helps get rid of foreign bodies of this type. He'll already get better in a few hours."

It hurt everywhere.

"But if his saturation doesn't go in a good rate then I'll have to put a mask or an intubation. I know this will scare him but this would be for his own good."

No... No, I didn't want... No... I had to open my eyes. I saw Gabby and Kelly, and a doctor who was looking at me. He had a smile on his lips.

"Why not ask the person directly?"

I didn't move. But I felt the sweat running down my forehead, my cheeks. And they all approached me. I felt my heart quicken.

"Everything is alright Matt, don't worry. He is there to help you."

I remembered Kelly's words. I had nothing to fear. I wanted to believe it, but my body was reacting differently, against my will.

"Matt, I have promised you. He is there to help you."

I felt my body nodding slowly and painfully. I watched at my body. I was covered in bandages. My eyes widened and landed on Kelly, totally frightened.

"The water in the shower was too hot. It burned you pretty bad. We had to put cream and band you to heal properly."

My head nodded alone, still painfully.

"I guess you heard our conversation?"

I nodded again. Then I felt my head move from left to right. I didn't want...

"I know you are scared Matt. I understand that. But my work is to heal you and to get you out of here as quickly as possible. I would try the mask, to see if the oxygen will be sufficient for your organism. You agree?"

A mask? I remembered when _he_... When _he_ gagged my mouth... No...


	4. What did he done to you?

SOoooo readers! We hope you enjoyed the last chapter, and will hope you'll love this one. This chapter is really rated T, and can be difficult for those who love Matt's character ans his best friends (Kelly and Gabby), but it's the story so...

Anyway, thank you for the reviews we had, telling it's an interesting story (and it's just the beginning)!

Now, time to read! Enjoy ;)

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I saw Matt totally frightened. This was visible on his face and his eyes. He shook his head vigorously. He didn't want the mask.

"Matt... I know why you don't want the mask. But trust me, this one is here to help you get better. Please Matt, I promise you'll feel better after that."

His face subsided. His eyes closed. I saw tears flowing at the corners of his eyes and then flow down along his cheek. He shook his head slightly up and down. At least he listened to me. Even if he was afraid.

"It will be right there to help you okay?"

"Matt? I wish that once in place, you take slow and deep breaths. This will allow me to adjust the flow of oxygen to make you feel better."

"Don't think about the mask. Close your eyes and just think about your breathing."

He closed his eyes. Now we had to know if he would support the mask.

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I closed my eyes, trusting Kelly. After all, he was my best friend, he could not get me anything. Nothing. He had promised me. I tried to convince myself but deep down I knew I was not convinced. I couldn't help but think about them. I felt that the doctor removed the cannula, and replaced it with a mask. I felt my body react independently of my will: I frowned.

"Focus on your breathing Matt. Nothing else."

I had once again this oppressive feeling. Something was covering my face. I had these horrible images in my head. The one that... Of _him_ , tying me with barbed wire, covering my face with a hood to see nothing, unable to breathe normally by hot air, almost without oxygen... And this, indefinitely. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I felt it hit my chest. He accelerated again. I couldn't control a thing anymore. Nothing at all...

"Matt? Matt!"

"He's having a panic attack! Give me 5mg of midazolam!"

Something icy flowed in my veins. I felt my heart beating weaker, slower, I relax myself. I perceived the sounds became bland and faded until I heared nothing.

* * *

 **Benett's POV**

Matt's stats took five minuts to stabilize at a ''good'' level. We could now read the calm, but also the angst on his face. On Kelly's, misunderstanding and distress. On Gabby's, I could read fear. No one spoke. Nobody could.

"This... This can happen. Tell me, do you know if he was... Gagged during... His captivity?"

Kelly looked at me with amazement. A bit like if he had words on his lips, something like "Are you kidding me?". But I had to know what was in the head.

"He was. In fact, He was often accompanied by an... A sort of hood. Anyway, I don't know how to call that. He was bound and gagged. During four days."

I motioned that. I understood what he was saying. The man who stood before me in that hospital bed... He had lived hell. Physically, psychologically, probably verbally but also sexually. I received the results at the moment, stretched by the head nurse, and I don't know how to tell them. Tell them that their friend would never be the same.

"These papers talk about Matt?"

The question startled me and get me out of my thoughts. Gabby and Kelly held hands very strongly. They wanted answers.

"Um, Yes. These are the results of the tests I have done an hour ago."

"And? So?»

I was confused by the question. Both full of anger, waiting and doubt.

"You... You wmay want to sit down."

Gabby put her hand over her mouth and wept. I realized that she knew more or less what it meant, what I would say. Kelly, meanwhile, remained motionless, paralyzed. Gabby even had to force him to sit on one of the many uncomfortable chairs of the department.

"Matt... Matt has been raped?"

Gabby seemed out of it, the look she wore me was black, as if she thought me responsible for what happened. I nodded my head slowly up and down, looking at my feet, then the results. I didin't see them directly, but I felt they were both out of them. And it makes sense.

"He... There are traces of penetration, but not forced penetration... Whether..."

The more I read the results, the more I wanted to stop speaking. If I told them everything, it would not help their minds, Matt's, but also mine.

"Whether what?"

Once again, I jumped because I was again lost in my thoughts. How had he done to achieve clinging to life after such an ordeal? I took a deep breath.

"Whether anal or oral."

I felt bad at ease. Very uncomfortable. I was stunned by the violence he had suffered. That touched me, I didn't know how or why.

"He... He was probably drugged. Or forced to not tense up."

"How? How we can force to not tense up?"

Kelly had risen suddenly angry. He frightened me. Really scared me. He had tears in his eyes, but it was not tears of sadness. It was tears of anger.

"Perhaps he was told that thay would hurt the people he loves if he didn't let do... Things like that..."

"Things like that..."

Kelly abruptly left the room, followed by Gabby who wanted to catch him up. I was now alone in that room, with my analysis, totally overwhelmed. I was trembling slightly, and I felt a few drops of sweat on my cheeks. I shook my head to pull myself in the reality but I couldn't. Dr. Charles arrived, hoping probably talk to Matt.

"He's still unconscious?"

I looked up, hoping he doesn't understand my distress.

"He woke up just a few minutes ago, but panicked. I wanted to see if he would support the mask... But that was not the case. He was bound and gagged, that is why he is afraid of the mask."

"And you? You're holding up?"

I was not surprised by the question, but I did like that was the case. I frowned.

"You're sweaty, I can see from here that your heart is pounding and you are trembling, your breathing is faster than usual and also your voice is trembling."

I couldn't hide anything from this man. He knew me just now for this case, but he could read me like an open book. I sighed and looked at my papers.

"These are the test results?"

I did nothing but shake his head slightly, and handed him the few papers in my hands. The more he read these sheets, the more his face became rigid. But I didn't see anything happen.

""How... How are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

His question was instantaneous. It made me shudder.

"To remain as a stone..."

He undid his gaze leaves and stopped on my face.

"I am not as a stone... The psychiatrists must remain attentive to our patients and their families, but also of ourselves. Every psychiatrist has his own limit. And we don't know it until you have exceeded this limit."

"Ar you beyond it?"

He didn't move.

"I don't know. I don't really know the case. I think it will be very hard, but I should get there."

I nodded. His answer did not satisfy me, but after all... A psychiatrist response never met anyone.

"You still have not answered my question Bennett."

I jumped again. It became a habit since some hours.

"Which one?"

"You're holding up?"

I knew that he knew the answer to that question. But he wanted to hear it from my mouth. And I also knew that it was useless to hide the truth.

"I have the feeling... The feeling of being powerless in this case. I mean... He went through hell, and I have a feeling that his friends too. They hide us something, I know that. But I don't know what."

"You think they could have... ''Seen'' what happened to him?"

I spent my eyes now on Matt, totally still in bed, a mask on the face. The one he didn't want. I got up and took off the mask and replaced again by a cannula. Under the terms of a psychiatrist, I avoid the issue by not speaking, and doing something else.

"I take it to a yes."

He understood. It was not for nothing that he was the head of the psychiatry.

"It's probably the first time they are reviewing Matt for four days, but It like that they knew what was happening. Well, not entirety. They managed to say that he was bounded and gagged while the police didn't tell them anything."

"Gabby is the sister of one of the policemen who found him."

This information, I didn't know it. But I knew something He didn't know.

"I asked detective Dawson to say nothing. That it remained confidential for the moment and as long as the case is not closed. This implies his sister and Kelly. And all the other firefighters."

"Speaking of that... Where are they?"

I had not thought to tell him...

"They left the room angry when I explained the results of the analyzes. I don't know where they went."

"It's no big deal. Their reaction are logical."

Dr. Charles left the room, leaving me alone. Again. I was so vulnerable...


	5. The sun is shining

Hey readers!

I reposted this chapter (thanks to DAWSEYFOREVER) because it was the fourth chapter (again), so here is the (real) fifth chapter.

Enjoy now!

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I sat there in that hospital bed, watching the sun rise over Chicago. The sky was orange-red, I saw there was no wind. The sun shone through the window on my face and illuminated it. A heat wave enveloped me. It was the first time, actually, I saw the sun for the last few days. The only light that I was allowed to see was those lamps. When there was lamps. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I felt good. For the second time in two days, I felt good. I always had these antiseptic bands on my arms, my shoulders and my neck. But I wanted to enjoy this sun. Finally feel directly on my skin. I had to go outside. I couldn't get out in the garden because of the people, but I knew with experience that the roof would be my best option: hardly anyone to disturb me, an almost unshakable quiet spot. I took a deep breath, took the wires of my chest and my IV off, put on my sore feet for the second time and left the room anxiously. I was always on my guard at every step I took. I didn't want to fall on _them_. I met no nurse, no doctor. That was better. I took the stairs and went up on the roof. Opening the door, I was slightly amazed and had to close my eyes for a few seconds before opening them slowly, get used to the light. My relief was big. I felt my head get up and enjoy the rays of sun, which were beating on my skin. That was delicious. I was hot. I had sore feet, and by constraint, I laid down on the cold ground and wanted to sleep. It was a quiet place that soothed me...

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

It was a little more than seven in the morning when I woke up. My first thought was for Matt. Is he able to sleep ? If so, has he had nightmares ? It tormented me, and it would not surprise me if he really was. After all, what he lived these last days... I didn't want to think about it, it was too hard. I went into the shower, did run hot water and a little cold water, and closed my eyes. After nearly twenty minutes underwater, I realized it was time to get out of here. I had to be with Matt. He needed it. It was just me who could approach him without really frightening. And he listened to me. It was a major asset.

It was about eight AM when I finally went into the hospital. I knew that visiting hours had not begun, far from it, but the nurses knew I was the only one who can help Matt. I was on the third floor of the ICU, and in the end of the hall: the room 397. I went into the room but find an empty bed. I walked slowly to the bathroom, thinking him back inside, but nobody. I set out to the nurse station with a knot in my stomach.

"Uh, hello ... Um, is Matt Casey having examinations or an appointment now?"

"I'll check. A moment sir."

She tapped on her computer. Some seconds passed and I was worried.

" No... I have nothing with his name. No examinations or appointments. What For?"

"He... He is not in his room anymore"

"I'm calling Dr. Bennett."

I could feel the distress in her voice, when I was sure she didn't even know him. It was probably because she had to handle all the service by herself, spun and she had left one of his patients. She didn't care about Matt. It made me sick. And I was in total panic. I had already thought of all the places where he could feel safe. He was found in the shower because it soothed and he was injured. What he missed to most, or could have now after four days in a dark, damp prison? Light? The sun?

"Excuse me... Is there a quiet place, not too crowded, and that would be out in the sunlight?"

"Quiet and not too crowded? Well there is the garden, but it is frequented."

"No I seek another place. Quiet, where people can easily be alone, without actually being disturbed and outside but inside the hospital compound!"

The nurse panicked in my view, I could see that. She was afraid of me.

"There ... There is the roof? We make our break up there to be quiet, have some fresh air and to not be bothered by patients. I don't understand..."

"Tell Dr. Bennett to meet me on the roof."

I didn't have time to wait for a response. I run down the stairs, climbed the stairs four by four and reached the roof. I didn't want to scare him arriving like that. I took my time to collect my thoughts and my breath before going slowly. The door made a soft and loud creaking at once.

"Matt?"

The light blinded me, and then my eyes became accustomed to the astral light. She was gentle, soothing, and warm at once. I was certain that in Matt's situation, what I want to feel out of reach and alive, after recent events, I would find a way to get fresh air, sunbathing while being alone in being disturbed by anyone. But Matt needed someone beside him to watch him. I looked around everywhere, until...

"Matt!"

My God! He was lying on the ground! And he didn't move! My God, my God, my God! I run toward him, when his eyes twitched and he opened them a little. I stopped my race and took a much more delicate approach. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. I was now a few steps from him.

"Matt? You can open your eyes for me please?"

He frowned and opened his eyes slowly. But didn't move.

"I know why you're here."

He closed his eyes, took another breath and slightly turned his head towards the sun, which was starting to get on the roof.

"You missed the sun?"

I expected no answer from him. But he lowered his head and went back.

"I can join you?"

Again, I thought he would not answer me, but he did. A simple nod. But at least we communicated. I laid next to him, not too far to feel him close to me, not too close to not scare him. I wanted him to approach himself. I felt his breathing a little fast and tremble.

"You're in pain somewhere?"

He opened his eyes and turned his head towards me. He blinked. I knew it meant ''yes''.

"In the chest?"

He took some time before doing even a sign for me to understand. In his own way he spoke. I heard the roof door open, and Matt soon began defensively. He winced and breathed even faster.

"I can leave you some minutes? I'll talk to them."

He closed his eyes again and nodded. I got up and walked to the group of people from interrupting us.

"Kelly? Is it Matt?"

It was Bennett and three nurses. They were all watching Matt, totally inert and lying on the floor.

"Yes. Don't worry, he's fine. I believe. He came here for the sun. He has not seen it for five days, and before that, he loved watching the sunrise from the balcony of the apartment. It was a way for him to wake up quiet, no one bothering him."

"He will catch a cold Kelly. In his condition, it isn't highly recommended."

"Let me a few minutes. He needs that. I think... It helps him to think that it's over. That he is free and safe."

"Right, right. You didn't notice anything particular about him? No problem?"

"His chest is hurting, but I can say that the pain should be manageable for him. Otherwise I would see it."

"He is having trouble breathing?"

"A little. Well, his breathing is a bit faster than normal but nothing more."

"I give you five minutes. Try to talk to him and bring him back to his room. He must try to eat, drink and stay under medical supervision."

"I know, but... He just want to be quiet a few extra minutes. He didn't stay more than an hour on the balcony, so it was not long that he's here."

"I did round forty-five minutes ago and all patients were in their beds, claimed one of the nurses."

"Okay, like I said, I give you five minutes."The four people went through the door. Finally quiet and alone. My eyes immediately turned to Matt, who opened his eyes and turned his head toward the door. Reluctant, I returned to him slowly and crouched near him.

"I think you come to understand what it means Matt."

He nodded, then shook his head from side to side before looking at the sky. The sun was becoming more and more on his livid skin.

"Matt, I know you don't like this... But we have to go in. You have to eat, drink and heal, you know? Otherwise you will never get out of here, and I know you don't like hospitals too?"

Matt remained impassive. I laid down again beside him and closed my eyes. A few seconds later he snuggled against my left side. I looked at him. He was at peace here. His hand resting on my chest, his body against mine. I couldn't shorten this time. He was so good. I felt he was falling asleep. Afraid to move at some point I felt my arm move by itself as an instinct, wrap him closer to me. We needed each other in fact. The five minutes had passed, and I didn't want Benett return. I had no choice. I left himthere alone and ran toward the door, knowing that Bennett would always be behind the door, with at least one nurse.

"Benett? he fell asleep. I will carry him to his room."

"In fact, he will be moved."

"What?"

"If he wants to feel ''free'' and feel the sun on his skin, his current room isn't appropriate. I asked two nurses to prepare the sunniest room in the morning to make him feel at ease. And no frights like that, I have to admit!"

"Fine fine..."

I approached to Matt again, took him in my arms and lifted him. He moved a little but I made sure not to wake him. He needed sleep. He was sleeping so peacefully! Bennett opened my footsteps on the stairs so I would not fall. He showed me Matt's new room: room 462. The window was just above the horizon, and the side where the sun rose. This was the perfect room for Matt. I laid him down on the bed and covered him with a blanket. His body was cold. Immediately, Benett reset the infusion, the EKG and the cannula to help him breathe.

"I think he will not like that, but I'll have to examine him when he will be conscious. I need to know exactly where it hurts to help choose the best treatment."

"If … Is he lacking oxygen?"

"A lack of oxygen doesn't cause chest pain Kelly. At least, not at this level."

"Dr. Bennett? His constants are stable. I give him a sedative?"

"No, certainly not! No drugs in his system. I am already worried about this."

I turned to dr Bennett, astonished.

"Worried? What do you mean?"

-If he was drugged... You don't see the problem ? »

I remembered. When I was addicted to painkillers for my neck, weaning was hard, fast and brutal. Matt had no withdrawal symptoms...

"Perhaps he has not been drugged as you think? He may have cooperated."

"Pressions?"

I shrugged my shoulders. My eyes were fixed on Matt. I wanted to be there for him. I had to.

"I don't know."

I walked to the bed and sat on the chair next to him. The nurses had taken one of their very comfortable lounge chairs so I could stay with Matt.

"I learned that our firefighter escaped?"

I jumped, as dr Bennett.

"Dr. Charles! You scared us!"

"I see you found him."

"In fact... Kelly did all the work."

"Why changed him room?"

It was a logical question from a psychiatrist. Dr. Bennett was speechless.

"He wanted to have the sun on his skin, that he is no longer in danger. He did this every morning on the balcony of the apartment. Dr. Bennett thought to put him into a room where he could see the sun rise in the morning, as before. Instead of going out on the roof."

The psychiatrist nodded.

"Good thinking, doctor."

"Thank you. You are here because you wanted to talk to him I guess..."

"I want to know what he has in mind."

"I understand. But for now he rests a little. When he wakes up I will warn you."

I heard a noise coming from the bed right next to me. Matt moved in all directions, and EKG fidgeted. He was frowning, and his breathing was becoming faster.

"He... he is having a nightmare?"

"You have to wake him up. Otherwise he will hurt himself!"

Both doctors ran near to Matt, but I made them understand that I had the situation in hand.

"Think you can handle this?"

"I know him better than anyone. If someone he doesn't know wake him up, it will make things worse."

"Alright."


	6. The dark side

Okay sooooo here is the 6th chapter of this fanfiction! We hope you will love this one too, because I think we can't update soon (we work on the next chapters for now), and it's a little bit complicated to work: time difference, work on one side, studies on the other side... So please forgive us.

But we'll try to update as soon as possible.

For now, enjoy!

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

"Matt?"

I tried to wake him up as gently as I could. I didn't want to scare him. It didn't work. He seemed more agitated even. I holded him, he was trembling more than never. He was grumbling, screaming, but he wasn't speaking in his mightmare. There was sweat all over his body. I took a resolution, which broke my heart: I had to shake him, to help him.

"Matt!"

I shook him, harder and harder, until his eyes opened, full of terror. Seconds later, he began to cry. Without a sound at the beginning, but when time passed, it became hard to hear him cry like that. I was near him in the bed, almost above him. His stare was in mine. He was shivering, and sweat was continuing to flow, mixed by tears. He was scared. And lost.

"Everything is alright Matt. It was a nightmare. You're safe now."

His eyes were still focused on mine. Suddently, he sat up and hugged me. The only thing I authorized myself was to cumfort him.

"I'm here now. Nothing can happen, no more."

He continued to cry, sob and shiver. He was emotionnaly a five years old boy again. After five minutes, his tears fadded, as well as his tremblings.

"You're okay now?"

He nodded slowly, closing his red eyes. He was holding my hand, squeezing it. Bennet chose this moment to interrump us.

"Matt?"

He squeezed my hand harder, taking a deep breath.

"I just want to cure you. I need to see your burns."

His stare passed from Bennet to me. I could see he was still scared.

"Matt it's okay. Just see your burns okay?"

"Don't worry Kelly. It's nothing. For him, I'm just the man who took a mask on his face and remembered him some bad memories."

Matt had closed his eyes because of these words Bennett had pronounced.

"Matt?"

He opened them again and fixed me.

"Just your burns. I'm here, nothing can happen."

He breathed slowly, up and down, and nodded. He laid down while I moved the blankets out.

"Okay. Now, I will just take these bands off your arms, shoulders and neck okay?"

He was taking deep breaths, but they were quick and slightly irregular when the doctor came next to him.

"Uh, doc? I don't know if I can do that, but I think it's better if it's me who cures him. You made just a step, and he panicked."

"Usually, it's a doc who can do that, or a nurse, Kelly."

"I know, but just take the bands off. He is trusting me."

"Well..."

He did a step off. Matt became calmer but was still sweating. The bands in his arms wasn't a problem, but those on his shoulders ans neck couldn't be removed. I turned to Bennet who quicly searched something on the hallway and came back.

"Matt? You trust me right?"

I knew Matt knew what was going to happen. I had to let Bennett check him.

"You understand?"

Matt nodded. Of course he understands.

"Matt, he cured you when you came here. He cured you when you lost counsciousness in the bathroom, he also found you this room, because you were on the roof to wealling the sun on your face. You just have to open this window a little and open the store to weal the sun each morning now. He did this to make you felle better."

His stare ran the room then stopped to the window. The sun shined. He closed his eyes and nodded. Then we saw him open his mouth.

"N-no... Ma-mask?"

He made me laugh. This was his first words.

"Matt, I promiss. I don't take a mask in your face anymore" Bennett confirmed.

Matt nodded and took a deep breath. It meant he let Bennett cure him. I made a sign to Bennett with my head. He approached.

"I will apply some water on the bands to help to take them off."

Matt didn't flinched. He let the water flow on him, then let Bennet take the band off. The doctor frowned.

"What is it?"

He approached Matt and palpated his left shoulder.

"It seems infected. But with this antibiotics, it should go in a few days."

Matt lowered his eyes. He felt guilty?

"Matt, look at me please."

He raised his head.

"None of this, is your fault. You were in shock okay? Look."

I took off my shirt, and showed my shoulder.

"Five days ago, I was on a burning warehouse with Gabby. We had some trouble and we get stucked, and our bottles were empty. But we made it with only a few first degree burns. It happened. So, don't fell guilty about your injuries okay?"

He shook his head, up and down. He understood, but I knew he still felt guilty.

"Matt? If you want you, I allow you to take a shower before I cure you. It helps to get the sweat off your body and ease your cure."

"Sh-sho-wer...

"Yes Matt, a shower. But not as hot as the last one. Just lukewarm this time."

"I think he will need help Kelly. I can't take the infuser off. And because of the recent events..."

"Don't... Give him some credits okay? He can wash himself alone. Don't you agree Matt?"

Matt looked Kelly.

"A-lone? N-no... No..."

Matt shook his head. He didn't want to stay alone in a room. He was scared.

"Matt, don't worry. If it can reassure you, I let the door open okay?"

Matt had closed his eyes, and started to cry and sob. He holded firmly my hand... I thought he could break it. This pain ran through my shoulder.

"Okay Matt, I get it. I let the door open, AND I'm coming with you in the bathroom, is it good?"

His hand let mine go. I could finally feel my hand, but also feel his tremblings. He was terrorized. I could understand him.

"Y-yeah."

I smiled at him, hopind he will smile, but nothing happened.

"I take off all you don't need to shower. Gabby went to find some clothes for you too."

"You called her?"

"Yes, I called her, but I said nothing about this morning."

"Thanks. I don't want to stress her."

"She will bring you some pants and shirts, but with the burns I can't let you wear it before a few days."

"He will stay here for a few days?"

"Standard procedure Kelly."

"Well..."

Bennett took the wires of the monitor off, as well as the cannula. Matt didn't move an inch.

"Matt? Shower?"

"Y-yeah..."

Finally... Matt smiled slightly. Words like ''shower'' or ''sun'' made him feel better and smile. This was peacefull for him. He stoop up and I followed him in the bathroom. But after that, he didn't seem to know what to do.

"Matt? You have to take your gown off your body, go in the shower, flow the water and wash you."

"I... N-not a-lone..."

"You don't want to do this by yourself? You're afraid of what? We are alone here."

He lowered his head and began to shiver.

"H-him..."

 _Him_? Oh God... Matt thought _he_ could be back.

" _He_ is dead Matt. As well as his men. Cops killed them. _He_ can't hurt you anymore."

"T-the... G-girls?"

"All safe and sound. YOU saved their lifes."

He nodded, then raised his head and tended his arm to me.

"P-please... N-not... Alone."

I sighed. Matt was stubborn, but now he was on the top of the stubborn guys. I dropped my shirt and my pant, stayed with my underwear.

"I'll be right back, I'm near the door. I will ask some extra towel."

He didn't move. I made it quickly and came back.

"We can go now? Take this shower?"

He smiled a little, and tended his arm again. He wanted I grab it? Without knowing what my body made, my hand took his hand, and he pulled me in the shower. And suddently, he flowed the water.

"Ah! Damnit! Matt!"

I died laughing. He had flowed the cold water without hot water. And it was very, very cold. Matt didn't say nothing, but he had a big smile in his face. He closed his eyes and raised his head.

"Matt? Can you flow some warm water too? Please?"

Matt lowered his head to face me. I has my arms around my chest. He nodded and turned the water. He would turn the shower with full of hot water when I took my hand in his hand to stop him.

"Matt!"

He startled, took his hand off the grip and in a panic movement, he ran to the opposite side of the shower.

"Matt... I'm sorry... I didn't want to scare you. It's just... You can't take a shower with just hot water. Matt..."

Matt collapsed on the ground, his legs between his chest and his arms, breathing hardly and crying. And I, I just stayed here, underwater, totally paralyzed.


	7. I can't see you

Hey readers!

Hope you liked the last chapter! So here is the 7th chapter. Please, let some review about your feeling(s), we'll like have them.

But now, enjoy!

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I didn't know why he was scared. Was it because of me? The gesture I made to not allow him to take only warm water, that gesture when I took sudently his hands, that was what hurted him. What did Jack Nesbitt and his men have done to you Matt ? He was there, behind me, shivering, letting running down the tears on his cheeks, his arms encircled his legs. He wasn't the same man anymore. This Matt I knew. And I didn't know what to do to help him. Then I sat near him, trying to calm him down, even just a little. I heard him moaning something in each inspiration he took. I heard him say he was sorry. But why was he sorry ?

"You don't have to be sorry Matt. It's me actually. I'm sorry. It's my gesture which scared you. I scared my best friend."

He shook his head. He seemed to disagree.

"No. I have to apologize too. I... It was like... A flash in my head... Behind my eyes, and, um... I thought that..."

"It was _him_?"

He didn't move an inch, his head was still on his arms and legs. But he nodded. What did Nesbitt have done to our Matt, in the point of being scared with one speedy gesture...

"Matt, you need to wash yourself."

"Yeah. I know."

He washed his cheeks with his hands, to go away his tears and tried to stand up. But he fell. His head was pounding, and cry didn't helped. And his chest was still hurting. I helped him to stand up and gave him the shampoo. Gabby should be here soon with our clothes. Finally...

* * *

 **Gabby's POV, in the same time**

Dr. Bennett called me to tell me that Matt and Kelly needed new clothes. So I went to their appartment to grab some. But when I opened the door, a unbearable sensation hit me. Some images were in my head. The appartment in a mess, this stripper's body, Katya on the floor in the kitchen, when I checked every rooms trying to find Matt without success. I closed my eyes, trying to not think about this, and ran to their bedrooms to grab some things. In less than five minutes I was out the appartment.

Chief Boden gave to Kelly and me some days off to help Matt as we could, and today was ''our'' shift. So when I came to the hospital around fifteen minutes later, I saw our ambo 61 near the ER. Without thinking why, I made my road to find Brett and Chili.

"Hey girls!"

The girls jumped and returned to me.

"Gabby!"

"Brett, Chili..."

I smiled at them.

"You're here for Matt?"

"Uh, yeah. Bennett called me to grab some things to them. So... Here I am! And you? You're covered in blood."

"Gabby, don't..."

"What?" I said, laughing. "I don't have the right to ask?"

"It's not that. I mean... It's complicated."

"So explain! I'm not an idiot, I'm just... A stubborn girl."

I didn't want to tell them. Nobody except Kelly, Bennett and Charles knew about my pregnancy. I just... Matt needed to know before them.

"Gabby? You're not with Matt?"

I startled and saw my brother walking to Brett and Chili.

"Antonio? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the woman your collegues just took here."

I turned my head over Brett.

"See? Not that complicated!"

"Gabby..."

Brett and Chili looked elsewhere. And Antonio had a bad look. I was worried.

"What? What is it?"

Antonio sighed and closed his eyes.

"Brett and Chili helped a gunshot victim. Jay and Erin were there too, and um..."

"And what? Antonio, tell me."

"The bullet is from the same gun than the gun that killed Katya in Matt's appartment."

My jaw dropped and my eyes shut.

"Is she... One of the strippers?"

"Yes. Before she lost consciousness, she said her name was Trish, and was Katya's best friend."

"Oh... God..."

"It's not all."

What? It was not all? So what? Antonio saw in my eyes what I wanted to say.

"She spoke to Erin. She saw Matt during his captivity. She said that Matt wanted to help Katya and her to get out of this business and out of Nesbitt."

I passed my hands in my face.

"This is a joke... You said you killed them... All of them..."

"Well... I lied. There were four men, but we killed only three of us, included Nesbitt. But not the leader of his men. He is the worst, worst than Nesbitt. He is the second boss of this human trafficking, and I think he kills all the girls who want to escape. But only Trish can confirm our information."

"How is she?"

"The bullet hit her left lung, maybe the heart. We don't know. She is in surgery right now, but the surgeons weren't real optimistic."

My God... This wasn't real. It was a nightmare. One of the men was still free and maybe tried to find Matt. I had to run. Run on Matt's room. I climbed the stairs until reach the fourth floor, and then enter to Matt's room. Bennett was here with a nurse.

"Hey, doctor! Matt isn't here?"

"Yes, he is. He is just taking a shower with Kelly. He didn't want to take it alone."

"Oh..."

I saw Bennett lowered his eyes.

"Oh, yeah! I grabbed some fresh clothes for Matt and Kelly, like you asked me."

"Yeah. Matt is allowed to wear underwear and sweatpants, but not a shirt because of the burns and the bands."

"How is he?"

Bennett sighed.

"His left shoulder seems a little infected but with the antibiotics, it will go out in a few days. Sonia is here to put some creme and bands on them to let them heal properly. I asked Sonia because she is experienced."

"Um... No offense you, but... You're young to be experienced..."

"It's not offensed. Actually, most of patients said the same things about me. I don't mind. But I began this job in ICU I was 21, so in this unit, I'm the most experienced."

She smiled at me. Bennet looked above my shoulder.

"Gabby, you're here already?"

I turned and saw Kelly and just behind him was Matt. His eyes were big. He lowered his arms and closed his eyes. Then, the world felt between us. I saw big warm tears coming down his cheeks and he ran away. He ran to the bathroom, and I heard him cry. Loudly. This, broke my heart, again. Kelly gave me a sad look and came to the bathroom too. To comfort him. I couldn't stay here. Why was he like this?

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

When I saw her, when I saw Gabby, my body reacted. But not my head. I just... Felt my eyes becoming wet and felt tears coming down my cheeks for the second time in a few minutes. And then, my body reacted. I ran away. I ran away the woman I loved. The woman I still loved. The woman I always loved. It was too hard for me to see her. I couldn't... I didn't have the right to see her. Not after that... Kelly joined me in the bathroom, on the floor.

"She is worried about you, as I am."

"I know. But... I can't."

I shook my head. I didn't want him to know why I can't.

"I think you need time. I'll see if she's still here, okay?"

I nodded after a few seconds. He stood up and walked out the bathroom.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I felt bad for him. He couldn't see Gabby, but why? I knew he wouldn't say a word to me about this. He was so stubborn. Still so stubborn. Gabby wasn't here anymore.

"She went out the room when Matt kind of ran away. She had tears in her eyes, let these bags and left."

I nodded. Even Gabby felt bad for him. But the man she loved ran out of her. It was very hard to see that. I took the bags and went to the bathroom again. Matt dressed himself, but just his lower body.

"Gabby left. She was sad."

"I know. And it's logical."

"Why... Why you did this?"

I didn't want to push him, but I needed to know.

"I... Don't know. Well, I mean... It's... Complicated."

"It's because she knows?"

I knew he knew what I was talking about. But he was lost on his mind.

"Kind of."

I didn't push further. I knew it was hard for Matt to think about it.

"You're done now?"

"Yeah. I'm ready."

We left the bathroom to the bed. A nurse called Sonia was there to treat the burns and help Matt to have some king of ''food'' and ''water'' in his organism. Matt didn't want to drink or eat. Matt needed rest. Lot of rest. He just relaxed a little and fell asleep before the end of the cure.


	8. I need to know

Hey there readers!

Sorry, we're late in updating, but we have a lot of things to deal with (work, school, other fanfictions,...), so be nice with us (please).

So here is the first flashback (first of many of them), tell us what do you think about it in a review. It will help us to improve our story.

Time to read! Enjoy!

* * *

 **External POV**

The next day, Kelly was still there, in Matt's room. He didn't want to leave him like this. He had been there when Kelly was bad after Shay's death, he just wanted to stay here for him. He tried to call Gabby, but she didn't answer his call. Maybe she needed time he thought. But Matt needed more help than her. He knew why it was hard for Gabby, but he didn't know why Matt reacted like this when he saw her. He freaked out without warning... He knew. He knew Matt knew.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

Gabby just discovered Katya's body in the kitchen of the appartment. Instinctively, she tried to find Matt in reaching every rooms, but there was nobody. Panicking, she grabbed her phone and dialed Antonio's number.

"Antonio? Can you meet me at Matt's appartment please?"

"Sis? Is there a problem?"

"Please Antonio..."

"I'll be here in ten minutes."

She hung up and cried on the couch. Without thinking at all this, ten minutes passed and Antonio arrived near the door of the appartment. He grabbed his gun and made his road slowly.

"Gabby!"

He lowered his gun and ran. We was worried about his little sister.

"Gabby, are you okay?"

She startled and looked at her brother, her eyes were still wet.

"Yeah... I'm okay."

"So what?"

She watched everywhere, then Antonio did the same. He understood. And sighed.

"I'll call Voight."

He stood up and called Voight. The appartment was a mess. In five minutes, the appartment was full of police officers and all the Intelligence Unit was there. Gabby hadn't move an inch, and stayed on the couch. Voight approached her.

"Gabby, I need to know what happened here."

"I... I don't know", she said finally. "I knocked to tell something to Matt, but... The door was open and... And the appartment was a mess like this and I found this... Girl dead in the kitchen!"

She cried all the tears she had.

"You didn't touch anything?"

She just shook her head.

"Where is Kelly, sis?"

Gabby looked at her brother.

"I don't know. I saw him sooner at Molly's when I worked."

"And, um... Why you wanted to speak with him? You told us you wanted to tell him something."

"Yeah. Um... I... It's not related with what happened here."

Antonio suspected something. He knew his sister, she was hiding something.

"Antonio? Tell me it's not about Matt's work with you..."

Antonio sighed and sat near his young sister.

"It is. This girl... His name was Katya, and she worked in the striptease club. Matt told us she wanted to quit this job and begin a new life. She helped Matt to find some informations about the work Matt had with us."

She looked at her borther, with an angry look.

"So... This happened... It's your fault..."

"Gabby..."

"No! You said to me you had his back. You said that! And now, he's missing! It's your fault! Both of you!", she said, pointing her finger to Voight and her brother.

She was angry at them.

"Gabby... We need to call Kelly."

She closed her eyes and nodded.

"Yeah. I know."

She grabbed her phone again, this time to call Kelly.

"Severide."

"Kelly, it's Gabby. I need you. Now."

"Gabby? What's up? What's happening?"

"Just... Meet me at the appartment. Please."

"Okay, I'm here in five minutes."

"Oh, and... Don't freak out when you arrive."

She hung up before having an answer. Five minutes later, Kelly understood what she meant on the phone. When he saw cops everywhere near the appartment, he knew something was going on. He ran on the appartment and found Gabby and the Intelligence Unit.

"Kelly..."

Gabby stood up and hugged Kelly, as strong as she could. And cried. Kelly didn't know what to do or to say. But his look... He was worried, and looked at Antonio.

"Antonio, what is it? Why are you here?"

Anotnio's eyes said everything. It was bad.

"Matt is missing. And Gabby found one of the strippers' body in the kitchen."

"Oh... Man..."

He passed his hands on his hair and closed his eyes.

"Tell me it's a joke. It's a joke, right?"

"I would love, but... No. It's real."

He shook his head. He didn't want to believe this.

"And, um... Do you have any... Clues? Anything?"

"Not for now. But we'll find him."

"You better! Matt worked for you, because he wanted to help this woman!" he said, pointing at Katya's body. "She came one day, and she wanted to speak with Matt when he was doing a construction job. So she spoke to me. She said she didn't want this life anymore and she knew that Matt was working for you! She knew! She wanted to help him because Matt promised her to help her to have a new life, far away from this!"

"Kelly, try to stay calm."

"YOU don't have the right to say to me to stay calm! YOU sent him in this undercover job! If something happened to him..."

"We'll find him. In one piece and alive. We promise Kelly."

He closed his eyes again and sighed deeply. He wanted to believe them... But in his mind, he knew something terrible happened to his best friend.

"We...We had an argument last night... about one of our colleagues. I told him he was wrong, but in fact he was right..."

"Kelly, we'll find him. Don't worry."

"And if he's already dead, huh? What if... What if we never find him? You'll have thought of that!"

"Kelly, we just told you. We will do everything to find him. We will appeal to all our troops", confirmed Antonio.

"As for me", began Voight, "I will walk my business. Casey and I were not on good terms, but it's because of me that he was undercover, so I'll get him out. I owe him that much, after all that I could make him suffer."

"Your ''business''? You mean the one for your dirty things?"

"We will talk a source of information if you will. I'm not going to appeal to them for dirty business, just know what they know about Jack Nesbitt and his men, as well as any information that would be helpful. I make it personal. I will also appeal to the firefighters headquarters. From what I understand, Nesbitt is a former firefighter and stopped to ride his striptease club. Any information about him or his men could help us back up to Matt."

Kelly didn't say anything. He couldn't. He just nodded.

"Do you know where to sleep tonight? You can't stay here for now."

He shook his head. Gabby grabbed his shoulders.

"Come with Brett and me. We have a couch. It's not really confortable, but his better than stay homeless for now."

"Thanks... Can I just... Grab some stuff?"

Antonio agreed and let him go to his bedroom for five minutes. Some minutes later, he arrived in the living room with some clothes. Antonio and Voight allowed them to go, but they will need a statement the next day at the police office. The nightmmare was just the beginning...

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

"Come on Matt! Just a spoon!"

But after five minutes, Matt didn't want to eat or drink. He still shook his head. So I sighed.

"You know bud', I know you hate hospitals. But if you're not eating, they don't let you get out of this room."

Matt stopped his movements and closed his eyes.

"I know. But it hurts."

"What hurts? Swallowing?"

He shooked his head. He lifted an arm just on his stomach.

"Ah... I see. Matt, you didn't eat during more than four days. You stomach and your muscles need time to adjust again."

"But I do eat! With that... Damn thing!" explained Matt pointing his feeding tube.

"I know bud', but if you want it to go, then you have to eat. With your mouth. It's just yogurt for now. Please, only if it's just a spoon."

Closing his eyes again, it took at least thirty seconds for Matt to finally open his mouth and let the spoon hit his teeth. I was glad. Only if it was just a spoon, Matt began to eat. It was a huge step.

"I took one with vanilla. I know you love these."

Matt tried to smile, but instead of that... A violent spasm ran his spine. I just had the time to grab a trashcan and he retched all the content of his stomach. I tapped the nurse button and within some seconds, Sonia came to the room. Matt had tears in his eyes and clutched his arms to his stomach.

"Matt? I need to know: in the scale of 1 to 10, how is the pain?"

Matt was now in a fetal position and continued to cry. He couldn't speak.

"I think it's a ten, probably more."

She nodded and left the room just a few seconds. I tried to help Matt but I couldn't. Sonia came with a serynge and emptied it in Matt's IV. I didn't know what was it.

"It's nexium IV 40mg powder with saline. It will relax Matt a bit for the next hour."

Matt began to relax a little but he still had his hands on his belly.

"Why when he eats, his body reacts like this?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to tell you."

"Please. I want to know. I need to know to help him."

"Maybe... I'll call Dr. Bennett, he will tell you. I think it's better."

"No, I ask to you."

I grabbed her left arm, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. But she seemed to understood. So she grabbed a chair and sat down next to me. She sighed.

"As you know, your friend was... Tortured in different ways. He didn't eat or drink during his four days of captivity, so his body needs time to... Regain balance."

"So, it's... Normal?"

"I didn't say it was normal. I just said his body needs time. Later I'll give you some soup to feed him. Maybe a liquid diet can help him. But right now, he needs to rest."

I nodded and when I turned to the bed, I saw that Matt was already asleep. I couldn't do a thing but smile.


	9. I don't blame you

Hello readers! We hope you liked the last chapter!

Before anything, thank you Milady29 for your reviews! We hope you will like the next chapterS, because we worked hard on them. And Cosmo indo, we didn't understand everything but thank yout too for your review! Clementine20, MariaDY, thank you too!

So we hope you wil like this new chapter, and please (we're begging you): can you let a review? Because we need these to write the next chapters, or to see if it's a good idea to write this, or this, etc... So please, let us a review...

Time to enjoy!

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

The pain I had few hours ago was gone now. That was horrible. I never felt a pain as high. Kelly was still here but asleep on the chair he didn't leave, even for drink and eat. Sonia and the other nurses cared about this. So they gave him some food and drink from the cafeteria. He was still there for me, as I was there when he needed me a year ago, when Shay died. I wanted to let Kelly sleep because I knew he didn't sleep well because of the chair. And I needed to get out of the bed. So I took off the wires in my chest -again-, grabbed my IV pole and left the room. Just five steps out of the room and I had Sonia on my back.

"Matt, where do you think you can go?"

"My legs are sore."

"Bite me..."

She sighed with a smile on her face.

"Your brother told me you were stubborn, but I didn't think it was THAT stubborn."

I didn't reply. No need. But to my surprise, she helped me to get out the ICU to go to the roof. She let a word on my bed to Kelly, so he could join us when he'll be awake.

"I know you like the roof, but why?"

She didn't know why. So I tried to explain.

"It was... The first time I saw the sun after... After what happened."

I tried to find words, but it was hard.

"So... I came on the roof to..."

"To feel alive?"

I nodded. I liked this woman. She was severe but just and soft. It was like she always knew me. She could read on me like an open book. This was her job after all.

"Yeah. And, um... I needed fresh air too."

"Why not the park?"

"Too crowded. I just... Wanted to be alone, for the first time in days."

"How did you know how to go to the roof? We can go in it, but not the patient, not alone I mean."

"You", I began, searching my words, "You weren't in this hospital before, were you?"

"Well, yes."

"So why don't I know you?"

She opened her mouth, but was speechless.

"I've been in ICU around two years ago. In february 2013 to be exactly."

"It explained why I wasn't there!"

I frowned.

"It was my meternity leave."

"Oh..."

She laughed. And I smiled. She made me feel better already. I forgot everything when I was here.

"When I'm here. I... Kind of... Think about something else. And, um... I don't know how to say that."

"So tell me with your words."

I didn't want her to think I was wooing her.

"Um... I feel better when... When I'm with you."

I felt my cheeks turning red. I lowered my eyes, ashamed.

"Don't be like that Matt. It's OK. I know you didn't say that to flirt with me. And I tell my husband everything so I think he doesn't mind. If I can help, I'm here. That's why I am a nurse. I'm here to help people who needs help. And you need help."

I smiled a little. I was weird.

"I need to go back to work. But I can't let you here alone. You need to go back to your room."

"Yeah... But, um... Kelly needs to sleep."

"And eat and drink too. I'll ask another nurse to bring you down the cafeteria to grab some food and drink for him. You know your brother more than us."

I nodded. Yeah, Kelly needed to eat.

"But I have to ask you something. Who was this girl yesterday when you were in the shower?"

"Gabby?"

She nodded. Then, I felt bad. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

"She was... My fiancee. It didn't work."

"Can... Can I ask you why?"

"She... I'm a firefighter, and um... She became a firefighter but to be one of us, she had to go to my team, so... We broke up."

"You broke up because of this job?"

"Sort of."

I didn't want to talk about it.

"So why you... Panicked when you saw her?"

Damn... Not this question. I felt my hands and my arms beginning to shake.

"Stupid question, I get it. Sorry."

I felt bad. Because I didn't want to talk about it to nobody. They didn't have the right to know.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

When I woke up, it was already late. My watch said 6PM. So I slept around four hours. More than I had when it was night. I prefered watch Matt asleep, feeling he was out of the wood, and with us again. I was so glad about that.

"You're awake now?"

I jumped out of the chair and stood up. Matt was there with a nurse behind the door, with arm full of food and drink.

"Sonia told me you didn't eat and drink, so I grabbed for you some of them."

Matt...

"Matt, you don't need to do that. You can't barely eat and you grab food for me!"

"Kelly. I'm not the only one who needs to eat. You too. Or you will admit as me!"

Matt sat in the bed and the nurse put again the wires on his chest.

"Mr. Casey, your blood pressure is a little low and your heart rate a bit elevated."

"I was sick sooner. Ask Sonia."

"What did she give to you?"

"I don't know. Kelly?"

"Um... She said something like... Nexi..."

"Nexium?"

"Yeah, this one."

"Which dose?"

"I think it was 40mg, with saline."

"Okay, and it was when?"

"You can read the chart I'm not a doctor. If Sonia gave him something, it's in his chart."

Kelly was angry. But the nurse did read the chart and left.

"I think you let her angry too."

"She is a nurse, before asking, she has to read patient's chart. Don't you agree?"

"Why being so rude?"

"Because... I don't know. It was like I was in a middle of an interrogation."

Suddently, I heard a gasp escape Matt's lips.

"Matt? Matt!"

Oh God! What did I say?

"I need help!"

What did I do? Why I said this word? Matt was hyperventilating now... He was sweating a lot, and can't breathe normally anymore. And the EKG sounded like crazy. Two nurses came in and sedated him to calm him down. Damn... I passed my hands in my hair and inhaled deeply. They called Dr. Bennett.

"You sedated him?"

"We had no choice sir. He was hyperventilating and..."

"It's my fault doc."

He turned to face me.

"Kelly?"

"A nurse came to check on him and... She said his BP was low and his heart rate was high, so she interrogated him and me. When she left I said it to Matt."

"He panicked no longer after?"

"Just after I said this word. ''Interrogation''."

Bennett watched Matt deeply asleep in the bed.

"So... Some words reminds him his situation and his captivity."

"Hell yeah! And after he panicks! I don't know what to do or to say..."

I was helpless. I felt helpless.

"Kelly, this", speaking about the situation and Matt's mood, "Takes time. Lot of time. His first session with Dr. Charles is tomorrow."

"When... Will he wake up?"

"It's not a strong dose of haldol he received. Not long. Sonia will come when he'll wake up to feed him."

"He tried this noon. A spoon of vanilla yoghurt. But he vomited. Sonia had to give him some... Nexium. 40mg."

"Yeah, she briefed me. She said she wanted to try some soup, her mother's soup tonight. And I agree. Maybe liquid food can pass in his organism. With the feeding tube, it's OK, so maybe with his mouth too."

"Yeah... I hope so."


	10. Finally

Hello boys and girls! Time for a new chapter! We wanted to answer to a review let by a guest: **Don't worry, we're also Dawsey fans, and Gabby will come back from the next chapter. It's a little complicated but you will understand with the next flashbacks why we let Gabby out of these until now.**

Now time to enjoy, see you with the next chapter!

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

My mind was foggy. When I opened my eyes, everything was a blur, and my head was pounding. It was horrible. God, what happened? I... Didn't remember anything. I saw a form next to me.

"Welcome back Matt."

I tried to focus, but I couldn't. It was too difficult. So I closed my eyes again. I heard these beeps around me, on my ears, and I wanted them to stop but again, I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. But I frowned.

"Hey, I'll call Sonia. Don't worry."

Each sound was amplified by ten in my head. This was crazy. So crazy that I had tears in my eyes, because of this pain. I could feel my heart beating in my brain. Like I said, it was horrible.

"Hey Kelly, what is it?"

"Um... He is fuzzy and in a lot of pain."

"Yeah, it's a bad effect of haldol. It happens something when patients wake up."

She turned to me and checked my vitals.

"Matt? Do you have headache?"

 _Hell, yeah..._ I nodded, or I tried, I didn't know.

"Do you feel dizzy?"

 _No... Net yet._

"Matt, it's okay, it's haldol. I can't give you something but tylenol. Okay?"

 _Yeah, it's okay. If it made me feel better._ Sonia left the room, and returned after a few seconds. She poured some water into a glass, and handed it to me.

"I know you didn't have tried to drink since your admission, but you'll have to take a few sips to swallow the medicine. And then I have something for you."

I was scared. Scared that it will not stay in my stomach again. But I trusted Sonia, so I took the tylenol in my mouth, and put the glass on my lips to drink some water. And... Well, it was weird, but I felt better after the glass was empty. Sonia smiled when I groaned.

"It's good uh? Well, like I said, I have something for you. Today you tried to eat some yoghurt but you couldn't so I asked my mum to make some soup and I wanted to try it with you."

 _Soup?_

"Uh, is it okay? I mean... After... This happened later..."

"Oh, don't worry! Your stomach is working with some liquid diet through the feeding tube, so soup can pass in your stomach too. That's why Dr. Bennett agreed to try this."

I nodded, but I wasn't at ease with this.

"I'll be right back in five minutes, I'll prepare a bowl and some apple juice. It will help your stomach and your intestine to work properly, and this will give you maximum of essential minerals your body needs and eliminate toxins."

She smiled, then left. She was very good with me.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I still felt bad for Matt. Seeing like this, with a great headache and trying to focus on Sonia or me. It was hard to see that. But Matt needed me. As always. I hoped this soup can help him no matter what, and stay in his system.

"I envy you. You will eat some soup, great mum soup, and I... I will eat this!"

I pointed at a ham and cheese sandwich next to me. He smiled a little, but frowned. His head was still pounding.

"Here we go! My mum's soup is here for you. When I was sick, my mum had the habit to make this soup for me. And I felt better after eated it."

"What is it behind it?"

"There are chicken broth, onion, sweet potato, parsnip, turnip, carrot, celery and parsley. It is anti-inflammatory, antioxidant and helps against the disease. So it's all good. There are some pieces but with the broth, this should pass in your stomach anyway."

"And um... It's..."

"It's also medically approved. It helps to kind of decrease some diseases. Don't worry, it will be fine."

Matt tried to sit on the bed, but it seemed he had some lightheadedness. So I grabbed the controller, and enhanced the top of the bed, to help Matt. He smiled at me, like to say ''thanks'' and I nodded to him. Then he grabbed the spoon and ate the broth. The first swallowing was a little painful I could see. So he closed his eyes. But after that...

* * *

 **Sonia's POV**

I smiled. I was proud. It was my mother's recipe but it was me who did it, for the first time in my life. And Matt seemed to enjoy the soup.

"Is it good?"

He nodded, taking some full spoons in his mouth.

"Oh, Kelly! I can give you some too! If you want I mean."

"I think I want to try. I didn't see Matt eat like this since... Well since I leave with him, so a year."

"I'll be right back then!"

I made my road to the nurses' room and warmed all the soup I made. I took some two bowls and made my road bak to the room. I could see the bowl was now empty.

"Well... That was quick!"

"It was... Amazing. I think my stomach is appreciating it!"

I laughed Kelly and Matt too. But I feel bad.

"I can't give you another bowl, because your stomach isn't use to work this much. But tomorrow if Kelly doesn't eat all the soup, you can have antoher bowl."

"At breakfast?"

"It's okay Matt, don't worry."

He nodded. I filled the bowl with some soup and tented it to Kelly.

"Thanks. You don't need to give me that."

"But I did. And you're welcome. I can do more for tomorrow."

Kelly smiled and like Matt, took some spoons in his mouth.

"Woah... This is amazing... You have a great mother Sonia."

"In fact... It's my mother's recipe, but I did it."

"YOU didn't the soup?" said Matt.

I nodded with a big smile, and eat my soup. I was hungry too, and didn't eat since the morning.

"Matt, you should drink some apple juice."

"I don't think it's a good idea..."

Matt was frowning and grabbed his stomach.

"I ate too quickly."

"Stomach cramps?"

"I don't know. Maybe I ate too much."

"Okay, so I'll lower the bed, so you can try to close your eyes and catch some sleep. It can help to feel better. I will let this glass of apple juice here, so when you'll wake up this noght or tomorrow, you can drink it."

"Okay."

He still frowned, but when I lowered a little the bed, he seemed to feel a little better, and closed his eyes. I signed Kelly to follow me out of the room while Matt seemed asleep already. We went to the nurses' room.

"Why did you tell me to leave Matt?"

"Because I need to talk to you."

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

Sonia asked me to follow her because she wanted to talk to me.

"Okay then... Tell me. Is it okay?"  
"Yeah, yeah, it's okay. Don't worry. I talked to Dr. Bennett."

I inhaled deeply.

"He said that Matt can leave tomorrow or the day after tomorrow if he can eat without the feeding tube. So when he will wake up, I will remove it, to start his liquid diet, and then soft food."

"But... He can't eat a spoon of yoghurt!"

"It was because his body didn't have the habit to work like this. But with the soup, I took some pieces, and his stomach accepted them. So we can try to give him some yoghurt again. If he can assimilate this, he can leave the hospital."

I felt... A wave of relief hit me.

"Uh, maybe I need to prepare the apartment then. I have to go back there."

"I'm on shift tonight. I'll watch his back. Every hour, I will be inside his room to check on him. If something happens, I'll text you. You are his next of kin, so I have your phone number."

"Okay, thanks. But... I feel bad for him. I let him alone now."

"If he's awake tonight, I will explain to him why you're not in his side. I think he will understand."

"Thanks Sonia. You're great, you know!"

"I take that as a compliment. And you, are a great brother for Matt. I know you're just friend, but he's like your little brother after all. You are here for him."

"Well... He helped me out of some things. When... When my roommate and best friend, who I really... Loved, um... She's dead a year ago, and he helped me. He greeted me with Gabby in their apartment they just bought, he watched my back, he helped me. He was there for me when I needed it most. We had differents in the past, as when our best friend died in the line of duty and I blamed him for that. But he forgave me. Today, whatever happens, it's up to me to help him. Out of all this damn history. And no matter what happens, I will not leave him. I will always be there for him. Yeah, always."


	11. Sleep well

Hey we wanted to thank you for all the reviews! We're glad! Just some things: don't worry, there will be more Gabby from this chapter! It's just we wanted to let Gabby out of it for tje beginning and let Kelly dealing with it.

So time to enjoy! Please, let us a review at reading it :p

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I didn't want Matt to be alone in this hospital room, and this damn hospital bed, but I needed to clean the appartment and catch some good sleep before returning to his side. I knew it was late, but I called Gabby.

"Kelly, what is it? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything is good, don't worry. Um, I know it's late, but do you mind coming in the appartment now? Maybe with Brett?"

"Brett is out with Roman. A date. But, I don't think it's a good idea to come."

Gabby was hiding something.

"It's... Because what happened when you came yesterday in his room?"

"Mostly."

"Gabby, try to understand, he knows you know about his situation. He feels ashamed about that. You are the love of his life, he was tortured in three ways, so yeah! He freaked out when he saw you. Because of all of this damn thing. It's not against you, it's against himself."

I was out of breath. I was angry, but on the other side, I understood Gabby. She was glad to see Matt, but when he panicked after seeing her, her world felt down.

"Okay... I'll be right there in thirty minutes."

"Thanks Gabby."

I hung up and I closed my eyes. She and I, we should have a little conversation.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

Gabby felt empty without Matt. This was already a day since he was missing, and the Intelligence Unit didn't have a track. Nothing. She was still angry of Antonio, because he told to her he had Matt's back and he promised anything will happen. She blamed Antonio, but trusted him enough to let him find her love. She passed her hand in her belly.

"You have stomach cramps?"

She jumped and faced Kelly. He was in the kitchen to grab some food.

"Kind of, yeah. Let this. I'll make some diner."

He got some plates, knifes and forks and set the table. Brett wasn't here, because she was on shift, like they had to, but Boden sent them home. He knew they wasn't in a great mood enough to work, and gave them some shifts off. All the firefighters had been made aware about their lieutenant's missing, the murder of Katya and the investigation. Otis, Capp and Cruz knew her when they worked for Casey on the club, when they were off shift. They were pretty shocked by this new, because they felt that this woman didn't disinterest Matt. Kelly wanted to punch them for that, because he knew that Matt didn't want to have another woman in his life anymore, except Gabby. He still loved her unconditionnally.

When Kelly opened the fridge to grab some beer, he saw Gabby ran on the bathroom and heard her throw up. He frowned and made his way to the bathroom, thinking about something. At the bar, she said to Otis to get the pickles out of her eyes because they made her want to vomit. A hand in her belly? Throwing up with some smells? He knew. He was sure about this. He saw Gabby above the sink, applying some water in her face.

"How far along are you?"

She turned to face kelly.

"What? I don't know what are you talking about."

"Yes, you know what I'm talking about. SO tell me. How far along?"

She sighed deeply, closing her eyes, and kneed on the floor. Kelly ran toward her.

"When... When we were in the ER, and this crazy guy blew himself up, you know you were badly injured."

"Yeah, I'm damn lucky to be alive. Halstead wanted to black tag me."

"Yeah, it's not all. He said he was carrying ebola, but it was worse than that: he carried the Marberg virus. When the incubation period is over, it is highly contagious, and it's killing people in less than a day. And when he blew himself up, he spread the virus. We were all contaminated. Throughout the day, we thought we were going to die, but the incubation period was not passed, so the disease has gone with him."

She was shaking, and had some tears in her eyes. Kelly tried to help her as much as he could, robbing her back.

"We were relieved, you were out of the wood, so... We... Went to Molly's and we spent the night together."

"Together, like... _Together_?"

She frowned.

"You sound like Shay! We... Slept together."

Kelly was speechless.

"We agreed it was the stress of the day. And acted like nothing had happened."

Kelly understood everything. They broke because they couldn't separate private life and professionnal life. But they still loved each over.

"When you had an argument with Matt the last shift he had, I felt dizzy. I thought it was just a cold or something like that, but again at Molly's it hit me. And I understood, so I made a test."

"And, it came back positive."

She nodded. And cryied more than before.

"I... C-came to the appartment immediately to talk to Matt, but um... The d-door was open and, um... He wasn't there, but this woman was! I... I don't know, I..."

She couldn't finish his sentence. Kelly hugged Gabby as long as she needed.

"I'm here. I'm here, and I'm going anywhere. Matt will be fine, and your brother will find him. I'm sure and I promise."

She was shaking, but she nodded between sobs.

"Nobody knows, except you now. Please don't tell anybody. I... Need to say that to Matt before everyone."

"I understand. I won't say a word. I promise."

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **External POV**

Gabby knocked on the door, and Kelly let her come in. They sat on the couch, and Kelly inhaled deeply. She frowed.

"Matt will be released maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, so I need help."

"Oh..."

She nodded.

"Whatever you need."

"He can't really... Eat normal food. He tried yoghurt this noon, but he threw up, and had some violent spasms on his stomach. And at diner, Sonia tried some soup, and his body accepted it. An entire bowl."

"Let me guess: chicken soup?"

"How do you know?"

"It's an old recipe. It helps when you're sick, especially the cold or the flu. My abuela did it when Antonio and I were sick."

"You're not... Disapointed about this?"

"No! Of course not! I'm glad Matt can eat, even if it's liquid food."

"Tomorrow, he will try again with some yoghurt. And if his body accept the food, Bennett will remove the feeding tube and let him feed by himself. That's why I need help."

"You need help to clean the house, and do some errands?"

"Yeah, mainly. But I need he knows he's safe here. I... think he was kidnapped here, and maybe saw Katya being killed, so..."

"I'm on it. Don't worry about that. Even if he can't see me, I can help him to feel better."

"Thanks Gabby. I appreciate this. But I'm really tired for now, and I need to catch some sleep, because the chair isn't a good idea."

"Your back is sore uh?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Go to your bedroom, I will come with some ointment and massage you. It will help you relax and sleep better."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure, you need to be there tomorrow for Matt. So yeah. I'll text Brett I won't go home tonight, sleep here, if you don't mind."

"No no I don't mind. You can use your bedroom."

"It's... Not my bedroom anymore you know."

"Matt doesn't mind if you use it. Don't worry. You don't deserve the couch. You're carring Matt's baby. He requires some attention."

"Okay, okay. You win. Now go to bed. I'll be there in two minutes."

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

I really, really wanted to use this bed. But each time I was thinking about it, it reminds me these times with Matt in it. So much great times... Now focus. Kelly needed to sleep, and the only way for him to sleep, it was this massage I promised. I went to the bathroom, grabbed the ointment and made my way to Kelly's bedroom. He was in his underwear, shirt off, like I wanted him to be.

"Just relax okay?"

"Mh."

He passed his hands under his head, closed his eyes, and breathe deeply. And then my work began.

"I warn you, it's a little cold at the beginning."

He nodded, so I applied some cream on his back. He cramped, but after a few seconds, he relaxed again. I passed my fingers slowly on his back, on his spine, on his lower back. I heard him groan with pleasure for several minutes, then nothing. He had fallen asleep. I smiled, and continued my massage. This was relaxing me to. I liked giving massages to someone. Then after I finished, I went into the bathroom to wash my hands and put the cream in its place, and then went into Matt's bedroom. Our bedroom. Kelly was right. I still loved Matt, even after what happened. In fact, I loved him much more. But did he still love me? He cried and ran away when he saw me, so did he still love me? Kelly said yes, but he was ashamed about what happened on him, but I didn't care. The past was the past, and I wanted to build a future for our baby. Maybe, he deserved to know about the baby. Was it a good idea? The sheet had his smell, the pillow too. Every part of the bedroom smelt Matt. It was... Very good. For the first time in month, I fell asleep in less than five minutes. I was so good in here.

* * *

 **Sonia's POV**

I hoped Kelly will sleep as well as Matt. He deserved some good sleep. I promised him to watch Matt when he was in their apartment. It was nearly 4AM, and Matt still hadn't woken up. It had been six hours of sleep. He had never really slept much since his admission. But soon, he will wake up. His pulse was getting higher. I could see that in my monitor in the nurse station. I ordered the staff to make a round, to see if nobody was missing, or awake or something. When I watched again the monitors, I saw that Matt was awake, and seemed to panic a little because his friend wasn't here. So I ran to his room, seeing he was indeed awake, struggling and panicking a lot.

"Matt! Matt, listen to me, alright."

"Kelly!"

He cried, warm tears in his eyes.

"Kelly is home! He is preparing your discharging day. I said I'll watch you for him while he's at home. He didn't want to leave, but I ordered him."

He seemed to calm down. Even a little. I sat in his bed near him, and hugged him.

"It's okay, shhh."

He wrapped his arms around me, trembling a lot.

"When I woke up... I... I was scared he wasn't here."

"I know. But I will tell you something. Dr. Bennett said you can leave the hospital today or tomorrow if you can eat some liquid and soft food. That's why Kelly isn't here. He wanted to prepare the appartment for you. And I think sleep a lot because it seemed he didn't sleep well in this chair."

"Yeah, he was there, eyes opened each time I was awake and opened my eyes a little. This chair is horrible."

I smiled.

"Are you calm enough now?"

He nodded, wiping his tears from his cheeks.

"So, here what I will do. I will remove the feeding tube and you will eat a little again. Is that okay?"

"Can... Is there still some... Soup?"

"You like my soup uh?"

He smiled and nodded again.

"Yes, there is still some soup. I'll grab you a bowl."

I left the room some minutes and returned in it with the bowl. Matt was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Legs are still sore?"

"A little yeah."

I let the bowl on the cart, and grabbed some stuff, to remove the tube.

"Okay, before eating, I will remove this tube."

"Oh... This damn... Tube."

We laughed.

"Alright, I need you to relax and let me do my job. Don't worry. The back of your neck will be a little sore and irritated, but soup is here to help."

"I'm ready."

I nodded, removed the piece of tape on his cheek, maintaining the feeding tube in place, grabbed it and slowly move in out. Matt growned a little and coughed.

"It's okay, it's okay now. Here, try some apple juice."

He grabbed the glass and took a few sips.

"Better?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. I tented to Matt the bowl and the cart, letting him eat alone. He liked this soup.

"After that, you will try to catch some sleep again, and when you will wake up, we'll try some yoghurt, see if your stomach can accept it."

"It's not... Risked after what happened yesterday?"

"Your body didn't accept it, because you didn't have the habit to eat some soft food. It was the first time you really ate with your mouth, so some muscles worked for the first time in days. It was logical. Now, your body seemed to have this habit again, so it will be okay this time."

He nodded and finished the bowl.

"Now, try to sleep. I'll be there in the morning."

I smiled and began to leave the room.

"Sonia?"

"Yeah?"

"I... Can you stay a little?"

He had a sad face.

"Of course I can. Until you will be asleep."

I returned to his side, and wait ten minutes before he felt asleep again. He was like a lost child in this bed. I smiled and put in place a strand of his hair. He didn't move, so I left the room to return to work.


	12. It's a torture

Hello there! How are you doing? We're glad to publish a new chapter right now.

For those who wanted more Dawsey, or Gabby, don't worry, here she is! Please let us a review, this wil help us a lot.

Time to enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

When I woke up, the sun was shining. I looked at the clock: 8AM. God, that was a great sleep! I was in the same position as the beginning. Gabby was a good masseuse. 10 hours of sleep. I stood up, stretched myself and went to the kitchen. When I was out of my bedroom, I smelt something. Something good, something I missed. Something I didn't eat since she left.

"Hey sleepy head!"

"Hey Gabby."

I kissed her in her left cheek, as usual when she lived here with Matt.

"I made some scrambled eggs and french toasts."

"Yeah, I can see and smell that!"

We laughed.

"We didn't eat this since you left. Matt said you were the best to do this, and didn't want to do this without you."

"Oh... So, what did you eat in the morning?"

"Uh... Cornflakes, and orange juice."

"Since I left?"

"Yeah!"

Gabby sighed.

"What?!"

"You", pointing at me with the spatula, "Really need I go back in this house. Otherwise you don't eat some good thing."

She grabbed a plate, took some scrambled eggs and two french toasts in it and tented it to me.

"Now eat. After that, we will do some errands and clean the house. And then you will go to the hospital."

"Why you don't come with me?"

"He will cry if he sees me."

"You don't know if you don't try again. He needs you too Gabby."

A few seconds later, she nodded.

"You slept good?"

"Oh yeah, my best sleep since... I don't know when! And you?"

"I slept like a baby. The whole bedroom smells Matt. It made me feel very good. I missed that, I grant."

That was great. We showered after eating breakfast, and went to the superstore. We took some products, to cook some liquid ans soft food recipes for Matt, and then cleaned the entire house. The firefighters helped us three days ago to replace the floor, because of Katya's blood. It was now a wooden floor, dark varnished oak. A winked at our favorite sports team, the Blackhawks, because according to Hermann this was a pun: blackhawks vs dark oak. Anyway, it was time to go to hospital, to see Matt.

* * *

 **Matt's POV, at the same time**

The sun rose above the horizon and invaded my room. It woke me up, but the warmth it sent to me relaxed me. Bennett was right, this room was amazing. I looked around me, but saw nothing, nobody. I laid my head on the pillow and sighed deeply, closing my eyes.

"Glad to see you awake!"

I opened my eyes, turned my head and saw Sonia. I sat up.

"I thought you..."

"I won't come in? I promised to be here."

My stomach rumbled. That made Sonia laugh.

"I presume you're hungry?"

"Yeah. I'm starving."

"It's because you don't have the feeding tube anymore. I come back."

She left, and a few minutes later, she came back with a cart. Above it, there were two vanilla yoghurts, and a glass of apple juice.

"Kelly told me you love vanilla yoghurt. Gossip man!"

I couldn't stop but laugh.

"After you ate this slowly, I will have a look at your shoulder, see if it's healed and not infected anymore. But I don't think it's the case, you don't have fever and your vitals are stable."

"So... It's good?"

"I think yes."

I began to ate very slowly the first yoghurts. I frowned after a few spoons.

"You're okay?"

"Um, Yeah... It's weird. It's like I want to vomit, but, um... In fact, no."

"Yeah, it's usual. Like I said yesterday, your body needs time to reajust to eat properly. For now, you need to eat liquid and soft food, but not too much."

"Right."

I continued to eat, but a thing came in my head.

"You said tonight Kelly came home?"

"Yeah, I think he needs plenty of rest for today and tomorrow."

"Out of this... Room."

Sonia looked at me with a huge smile.

"By the way, um... You have an appointment with Dr. Charles."

"Who is he?"

"Your psy."

 _Oh no... Not a psychologist._ I closed my eyes.

"I will never talk to him."

"Matt, you will feel better after talking to him. He is here for this."

"I. Don't. Want. To talk. To him."

I grabbed a new spoon of yoghurt, and heard her moaning. ''Stubborn firefighter''.

"I heard you."

"Just... Try to think about it. He can help you Matt. You suffered a lot the last few days. Even if you don't talk about it, you can talk about something. Like your childhood, your friends, your... Love. Anything."

"And me, I said nothing."

She sighed and closed her eyes. I didn't want to talk to this... Dr. Charles. I didn't want to see a psychologist. It wasn't complicated. Why they can't leave me alone with this?

"Here is the man! And eating!"

* * *

 **Gabby's POV.**

Kelly convinced me to go with him into Matt's room. I was scared he would react like the last time. When he parked the car, we went directly on the fourth floor by the elevator. I could feel my heart beating in my chest like crazy. And I was scared, scared to death. I felt a hand in my shoulder.

"This gonna be fine."

He smiled at me.

"How can you be so sure about this?"

"It was the shock of the first time. I hope.

I lowered my eyes.

"Hey, I do know Matt. He didn't do that really. He was shocked and scared."

"Right, okay. But um... I don't think it's a good idea to tell him already. I think he needs some time before knowing he will be a dad sooner."

"Yeah, I agree. He isn't ready for this."

We saw the door of his room open and Kelly knocked.

"Here is the man! And eating!"

"Kelly! Sleeped well?"

"Oh yeah! Gabby was here to drift me to sleep."

There was a blank during a few seconds. I could feel the tension when I saw his eyes. They were as big as yesterday, and I could also see he wasn't ready to see me. He closed his eyes, and tried to wipe the tears coming down his cheeks. Again. But he couldn't. His hands were shaking too much, and sweating began to appear in his forehead.

"I... I think I should go."

I turned and left the room. And cried. A lot. That was too hard for me. He rejected me again. I wanted to throw up, but didn't think I could do this.

"Gabby! Wait!"

I ran. As quickly as possible. But Kelly joined me.

"Gabby! Listen to me!"

"NO!"

I was against the wall, while Kelly grabbed my forearms. I struggled against him, but he has too strong. He hugged me, even if I slapped him, even after I said to him, even when I cried.

"Shhh. It's okay. Listen to me now. He is damaged Gabby. Like I said to you. He knows about what we know. He. Knows. Do you know what it means?"

Yeah I knew what it meant. So I nodded.

"It means he endured this to protect our family. To protect YOU!"

"I know, but um... I feel like... Like rejected. Two times in two days. It's hard, when you see the man you love like this."

"Give him time Gabby. I think he needs this. It was hard for us, but harder for him. He was the one being tortured."

Kelly was right. I knew that. But I couldn't. I couldn't stay here, watch him reject me again.

"Hello Kelly. Gabby."

We looked at the hallway. We saw at the same time Dr. Charles.

"Doctor. What are you doing here?"

"Oh! I came to see Matt. I have an appointment with him now."

Kelly frowned, just as me.

"You think it's too early?"

"I don't know? But I don't think it's a good idea to present you as his psychologist."

"Why?"

"He doesn't like psychologist for one. And for two, I think you know what happened these days."

"Kelly, it's my job. And, I don't know the whole story. What I know, it's he was tortured in three ways, and is traumatized by these four days of captivity. Not much."

"I should go."

I was out of Kelly grip, and went away. I made my way to the ER. I wanted to know about this Trish.

"Hey Halstead."

He turned to face me.

"Gabby! Glad to see you here. How is Matt?"

"Well... He... Can't see me without crying."

"Oh..."

We were sad.

"Oh, um... Do you have some news about a Trish. Brought yesterday by Brett. My brother came too for her."

"Let see."

He grabbed his chart, and turned some pages.

"Ah... Trish. The strippers with a bullet wound on the chest."

"Yeah. So? Did she make it?"

He looked at me. And I knew. I knew she didn't make it. I closed my eyes and cried.

"This is a nightmare. I will wake up."

"Gabby. She spoke to us, before going to the OR. She said she was sorry, and didn't want to do that. She said she saw Matt, and saw him being tortured. Nesbitt threatened to kill her if Matt didn't speak about something. I don't know what. And I don't know why, but she was sorry."

Why was she sorry? About telling nothing during four days to a policeman about Matt's captivity? Because she didn't speak about this, even if she knew?

"The bullet hit her heart, didn't it?"

"Lodged in the heart. The damage was too high to save her. They tried. But they couldn't save her."

I nodded and left. This was a nightmare.


	13. Out

Hello everybody ! Enjoy you're WE (sorry for those who aren't on their WE). We didn't update for a while, but now, here is the 13th chapter! Please let us some reviews (it makes us very proud of our work).

Enjoy and tell us what you think :)

* * *

 **Matt's POV.**

I was anxious. I could still feel some tears in my eyes and my cheeks.

"Hello Matt. I know you don't know me, but I'm Dr. Charles."

I didn't reply. I didn't want to talk to him, or about it.

"I understand you don't want to talk to me, but you have to know I totally agree. Why would you have to see a psychologist? You're in a great shape."

I looked at the window. Sonia left the room, letting me alone with him.

"Matt? I know you don't want it, but you have to do it. I have to make sure you're safe, you will not hurt either yourself or your friends, and you will be ready to leave this hospital. If I see you're not ready, I can't let you go. And for this, you have to talk to me."

But I didn't want to. I didn't want to speak about it.

"I know you don't want to speak about the last few days, but you can speak about something else."

I began to feel upset. I closed my eyes and felt my hands and fingers becoming shaking fists. And I could feel his eyes on me. He knew I was upset, and I didn't hide it.

"I can see you're upset. You don't want my presence here."

I opened my eyes and forced myself to look at him.

"What I know too, it's that you're damaged, and need help to evacuate all these feelings from you. And I can help you."

I didn't move an inch.

"You want to know how?"

I just blinked.

"I have all the time. I'm patient. If you don't want to talk now, then don't talk. But one day, you will talk to me. Even if it's not about these days. You will talk to me about anything and everything. It will take time for you to trust me, but you will."

I didn't believe him. I didn't want his help, and I would not trust him either.

"I let you. Next time in a few days!"

Dr. Charles left my room. And I closed my eyes, crying all the tears of my body. Why did he want to help me? Why did I need help? Why? What was wrong?

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

"Kelly? Can I talk to you?"

I turned, facing Bennett.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Come in my office."

I followed him in his office, frowning. What did he want? He sat down his chair, and asked me to do the same, so I sat down too.

"I will allow Matt to leave the hospital this afternoon."

Woah...

"In one condition. He needs stability. He suffured a lot, and Dr. Charles thinks he can hurt himself."

"Like... He's suicidal?"

"I didn't say he was. But after what he get through, he isn't stable mentally. That's why he needs stability."

"I will watch him. I'm his roomate and his best friend. He trusts me."

"I know. That's why I wanted to talk to you in private. Sonia and I propose to help you as we can. He trusts Sonia too, and he begins to trust me."

"How you can help me?"

"If you need help, no matter what, why or when, we can be there. You just have to call me, or Sonia. Here is our phone numbers."

"So after eating some yoghurt later, he can go?"

"I will be there with discharging papers. Don't worry. Sonia will stay here until Matt go home. She's off duty for two days, and tomorrow I'm off duty too. Like I said, if you have any problems, call us."

"Thanks doc."

Yeah, I was thankfull. Finally out of this room. I should say this to Matt!

* * *

 **Sonia's POV**

I was worry. About Matt. After Dr. Charles had his session with him, he didn't move an inch. He blinked, but he just did this. He stayed here, watching outside by the window. His eyes were red, stare was lost. Maybe he was. _What Dr. Charles said to you Matt?_ I was curious.

"Matt? You need to eat."

He didn't move. I tried to approach him, but I could feel his heartbeats were increasing, via the monitors. So I didn't continue further.

"Matt?"

Kelly was there. I stood up, and asked him to follow me in the hallway.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I don't know, that's the problem. He had his first session with Dr. Charles and since this, he is... Weird. I... I don't know how to say that, but he seems lost in his thought."

"I presume he didn't talk to him. I know Matt, he doesn't like psychologists. I know someone who... Who is like a psychologist for us, and he is like a friend for Matt and the other firefighters of 51. Maybe he can help us."

"Yeah, tell me his name, I'll tell Dr. Charles to talk to him."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Oh, and another thing. I can't approach him anymore without feeling his heartrate increases. He didn't move an inch since Dr. Charles left, he didn't say a word."

Kelly frowned.

"Maybe... I should talk to him. Alone."

I nodded. _Kelly, you're the one who can help him for now._

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

When I entered, I could say he didn't move. Nothing. Like Sonia said to me, he didn't move, he didn't speak, just lost, eyes opened, watching outside.

"Matt?"

I sat on the bed, near him. Ordinary, I could read on him like an open book, but now... I couldn't. His mind was close. I tried to put my hand on his right shoulder. When I did, he startled. He was like the first day in the hospital. He was scared. For anything. For nothing. What did Dr. Charles say or do to you?

"I'll be right back."

I left his room, asking Sonia to watch him for me, while I ran in Charles' office. I forced the door open.

"What did you do to him?!"

I was angry. He was with a woman, a patient. But I didn't care.

"Kelly right?"

"Yeah, that's me. I repeat my question: what did you do to him?!"

I was clearly out of my mind. He sighed and stood up.

"Nothing. He didn't want to talk to me. I just said I have all the time and I was patient."

Oh no...

"You... Said these words? Each word?"

He nodded. And I passed my hands on my face.

"God..."

I left the office like I opened the door, running into Matt's room. I was out of breath, but I didn't care. When I arrived, I ran into Matt and grabbed him, hugged him. As strong as I could.

"It's okay Matt. I will not let him approach you anymore. Ever."

I was crying, and soon after me, he cried too. And his arms encircled me. Sonia saw us, she couldn't say a word. But no need. She knew what it meant.

"Is everything okay?"

I startled a little, and Matt hugged me tighter. I could feel him shaking. Sonia interjected.

"Dr. I will ask you to leave the room please, for the safety of Matt."

I saw Charles frowned and left the room, followed by Sonia. She will explain everything to him.

* * *

 **Sonia's POV, at the same time**

When I saw Kelly's eyes, I knew. I knew why Matt was like this. My hands were shaking.

"Is everything okay?"

I turned, and saw Dr. Charles, then moved to Kelly, and finally the monitors. Matt was scared when he entered in the room. I sighed.

"Dr. I will ask you to leave the room please, for the safety of Matt."

He frowned and left the room. I followed him. He needed to know why he wasn't allow to be in the same room with Matt.

"So, tell me?"

"Matt is scared. YOU scares him. I don't know why, but he is scared to death. To the point that he wouldn't be approched either by Kelly nor by me."

He seemed to reflect.

"Oh God. It's what I said to Matt."

"What?"

"He didn't want to talk to me, and I said I was patient and I have plenty of time. I think it's the trigger. He's having flashback about what happened during his captivity. He thinks I'm his captor because of these words."

"That's why I asked you to leave. I begin to know Matt. He talks to Kelly, to me."

"What does he say?"

"He likes being on the roof because he is free, and can feel the sun and the wind. He talks about he and Gabby. That he screwed up their relationship because of their job. He was in ICU two years ago, during my maternity leave. And he likes vanilla yoghurt and my chicken soup."

Dr. Charles nodded.

"I understood. It seems to open himself to Kelly and you. BUT he needs a psychologist."

"Kelly told me about someone Matt trusts. He is like a psychologist for the 51, and is for Matt as a friend. Maybe he can help us. Kelly wrote me his name and his phone number. Here."

I tended to Dr. Charles the piece of paper Kelly gave me.

"I'll call him now."

He left. And I returned to Matt's room. They were still hugging each other, Matt seemed asleep, but Kelly didn't want to let him go, just holded him.

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

When I woke up, I could feel I was sitting on the bed. Kelly was still here, holding me. I was good. I felt good. I moved a little.

"You're awake now?"

I smiled and then I nodded. I untighted my arms which were around him, and he moved all the muscles of his body. He was sore, because of me.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry Matt. It's okay."

He smiled at me.

"Are you hungry?"

"Um... Not really."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, you win. I'm starving."

He had a huge smile on his face.

"I prefer this!"

I was starving, yeah. But I didn't want to eat. I felt sick. Sonia seemed to see this. She frowned a little.

"You feel sick? Dizzy?"

"Just... A little sick. Maybe it's my stomach."

Yeah, just a little sick.

"Okay then. You don't have fever. You will eat this", Sonia said, pointing at the plate, "And Dr. Bennett will come later with the discharging papers."

My eyes were wide open.

"I... Can leave?"

"Yes! You eats properly, despite the fact it's just liquid and soft. He gave to Kelly some recipes for you. So you can leave."

"I thought... He didn't want to let me go."

I was thinking about Dr. Charles, what he said.

"Dr. Charles agreed."

Sonia looked elsewhere. I could see she was lying.

"Why you're lying? He didn't agree, did he?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. That's what I thought.

"He is off your case now. So he doesn't have the right to say ''you have to stay'' or ''you can leave''."

Okay...

"So, after eating this, I can leave."

"When Dr. Bennett will be here. Yes."

I was happy. So I ate my plate, and Sonia told me to take a nap bofore leaving. She removed the IV and the monitors, and I fell asleep quickly.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV.**

After Matt fell asleep, Sonia seemed worry. She was frowning.

"What is it Sonia?"

She startled, getting out of her thought.

"Sorry Kelly. It's probably nothing, just a little cold after being on the roof with this wind. He doesn't have fever, but he said he felt sick."

"So he stays here for today?"

"Dr. Bennett will say this. But I think if you watch him closely in your house, you don't have to worry. But if he has fever over 103, let us know. That's what Dr. Bennett will tell you."

"Alright. How long he will be there?"

"Maybe in two hours. But Matt can sleep for now. You can prepare him to leave. And call Gabby."

I looked at him.

"How do you know her name?"

"I asked Matt. He told me why they aren't together anymore. And you told her name once."

"Oh..."

Matt told her? Everything? Well...

"What did he say?"

"He said he screwed up, because of their job."

"Yeah... They are firefighters. But a man and his wife can't be in the same truck. They read between the lines, and Matt took her on his truck. They were only engaged, and the headquarters was not aware. The job took precedence over private life and vice versa. And they preferred their working relationship, let Gabby continue her dream."

I was thinking.

"That was one of his biggest drama in his life."

With Hallie's death, Voight's problem and his parents' problem. And now, his captivity. Sonia left me alone with Matt, asleep on the bed.

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

"Matt? Hey sleepy head, wake up! Time to leave this damn hospital."

I moaned. My head was pounding so much and my eyes were on fire.

"Matt? You're okay?"

"Yeah... Just a headache."

I could hear my stomach grumble.

"I presume you're starving?"

"Yeah..."

"I can call Sonia, maybe she can give you something."

"I think it's a good idea."

Kelly left the room, while my head hit the pillow. I felt sick. But that was probably because of my stomach.

"Here we go! I will try to feed you with mashed potatoes and chopped meat, to see if you can allow these. And then you can leave this room."

I just smiled. I really felt sick.

"Do you feel dizzy Matt?"

"Just... Headache. But I think it's my stomach. I'm starving sooo much."

"I can give you a tylenol, but nothing more."

"Okay then."

I began to eat the mashed potatoes. This was very good. I loved this. And I tried some chopped meat, but my stomach sent me a signal: it would not pass. So I only ate mashed potatoes.

"Here is tylenol. You don't eat meat?"

"I tried, but it doesn't want it" I said, pointing at my stomach.

"It's ok, maybe you can try again tomorrow. And potatoes?"

"It passed. For now."

She smiled at me and gave me tylenol and a glass of water.

"And now you're free to go! Kelly gave your discharging papers. Dr. Bennett and me gave him our phone numbers, if there are problems, so don't worry. I hope you will never come back in here!"

"I hope so."

Yeah, I hoped so.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

Matt was silent in the car. I never saw him like this in it. He always had something to say, but he was just lost in his thoughts. He watched outside, the cold sun and the wind.

"Do you want to go to the lake before go in our appartment?"

He didn't respond. I knew he loved this place, near the lake. Hallie and him, then Gabby and him went always there when they were off shift. So I drove until the lake. There was wind. A lot of iced wind. Out of the car, Matt looked to the sky, then closed his eyes.

"Come on, lets have a seat."

He followed me and sat on the bench.

"I know you like this place, I agree it's fabulous."

Matt didn't move an inch, or say a thing. The wind was very icy, and we didn't have some warm clothes on us.

"We stay a few more minutes and then we come back home? I changed the door and the floor. "

He clenched his fists. What did I say...

"Hey, hey sorry. I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you, but when you will regain some strengh, we will find a new place okay?"

Few seconds later, he nodded. Finally a sign of consciousness! His face and hands turned a little pale with trace of blue.

"Alright, you're cold now. Lets come home."

He stayed still. I had to help him to stand and sit in my car. His teeth chattered. I drove to the appartment. When Matt saw the building, I could feel his breathing becoming faster. This place was full of bad memories for him. But he followed me to the appartment. The first thing he saw was the floor. Then he went to the kitchen and sat on the floor. Where Katya was found.

"She... Wanted to get out of this. She wanted to do what was right for her... As for those with whom they worked every day, her friends... She wanted me to help stop this traffic."

"And she did Matt. You succeeded. They are all free."

"But at what price? Katya... Katya didn't deserve that. I... I tried to save her, but I could do nothing..."

"I know Matt, I know."

He was crying.

"Hey, I know what you need. Do you remember this recipe Shay prepared to us when I was sick, or when you were sick? And this ice?"

"Yeah?"

"I can redo this recipe. She let me some notes about her recipes! But I need to go to the supermarket to find all the elements."

"Oh... Don't worry. I will grab a shower. I'm cold."

"Yeah? I think you're a little feverish too. Bennett told us it's your immunitary system. He is a little down so you need to regain strengh for now. So grab this shower to warm you, I will grab sompe errands and do this recipe okay? I'll be right back in less than a half-hour okay?"

"Okay."

I didn't want to let Matt alone, but I didn't have a choice. He was too cold to come with me, and he began to develop a little fever. I texted Sonia. **Matt has fever. What can I give to him?** After she asked me about this fever, she told me to give him tylenol to begin and see the evolution. It was time to do these errands.


	14. I thought it was you

Hey guys and girls. I'm sorry to be out of fanfiction for this WE. As you know, we had a huge terrorist attack in Paris, in MY country. A friend of mine was inside the stade de France and was worried, but I have another one in the concert hall with these bast**** with kalashnikov. He is alive and in hospital and I'm glad. But I just discovered today that another friend was also in the concert hall, and didn't have a chance to go out alive. So... I'm really out of my mind.

But for him, for those who lost their life, and those who were injured this night, I wanted to update this fanfiction after all. We need to continue to live, thinking about it yeah, but getting through this hell. For them.

So here is this update. I hope you will like even after all.

Try to enjoy. To everyone. #PrayforParis

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I gazed into the void. My eyes were lost in that void. Look a few times my reflection I hated so much. Look a few times this body that no longer belonged to me. It no longer belonged to me since THAT day. That day I lost everything I had. That day I lost my dignity. I lost everything. But nobody seemed to understand it. Why stay here ? In a world I'm the only one who understand what happened to me ? Not even my best friend couldn't understand that.

* * *

 **Matt's POV, flashback**

That day, _he_ wasn't there. _He_ was in Poland for ''business''. And I stayed alone in this dark, damp room, with no light, no water, no food. Nothing. Alone ? Not really. Well, not for a long time. I didn't know how long I was with them, but I was there long enough to not talk, not move, do nothing. Just stay still during my ''torture times'', to not scream because I had no strengh anymore, not even enough to cringe. Not even a noise coming out of my mouth because my throat was so dry I had this impression of having sand inside. Not even a drop of saliva. Nothing. During _his_ absence, I was hoping to have rest, but this didn't count on his henchmen and their cruelties. I never imagined so much cruelty from them. I didn't think it existed. I was so naive. I remembered again that sound of the door of the room where I was. It was a unique sound. A noise mixing rusted objects rubbing each other and chalk sliding on slate. At first I startled, but with time, I getting used. This time, I hadn't even moved. Not even open my eyes. Nothing. And I heard the door close. I felt two presences, a woman and a man.

"Come on ! Up !"

In the same time, I recieved a foot in my belly, just below the stomach. I hardly reacted, but I opened my eyes to face one of _his_ men and one of the strippers I knew.

"You remembered Trish, uh ?"

I didn't stir. But I saw that Trish was scared about something. She avoided my gaze. She looked at the floor.

"Boss isn't there, and he gave us free time. So I sent for you a friend of you to take some ''good times''."

Good times ? I coulnd't ever take good time in this situation...

"Go Trish ! What are you waiting for ? You can see he is waiting !"

I hadn't even moved an inch, not even blinked, just breathed. I saw that Trish was crying. No big tears, just tears falling silently to the ground. She got on her knees and approached me. I still didn't move. The Poles came forward and grabbed my arms to press me on one of the moldy walls.

"Stay calm. Let Trish do it, she is good at relaxing men."

I understood what it all meant. But I didn't want to. I wanted nothing. I tried to fight him, but nothing worked. My body wasn't working. I was paralyzed. Totally vulnerable. Trish came closer.

"N-no..."

I shook my head to let me go, but he held me even more as reprisals.

"I said let Trish do this."

I closed my eyes. I couln't see more. I coulnd't see her in the eyes. And I couldn't see her in the eyes anymore after that. Her hand shook, all her body shook. I knew it. The first thing I did, was to startle when I felt a hand on my thigh. Trish's hand. Then the hand went up. Again and again, slowly. Until reaching the button of my dirty pants, with dust, rust and humidity prevailing in the room. Gone, I felt the fly open. Just as smoothly as the hand that brought it here. The pants fell to the ground, I felt my legs move, as if to protest. But _he_ clenched his hands.

"I said stay calm."

His voice scared me. _He_ frightened me. I couldn't stop my legs from shaking. He was stronger than me. I felt my boxer take the same direction as my pants.

"...Trish will love that!"

I felt a cold, trembling hand, and instinctively I began to clench my legs.

"Wait Trish."

I felt the grip end. Finally. But seconds later, I felt a rope around my wrists. This famous rope with barbed wire. Then I felt my arms stand up, and my body up a little too.

"If you move, you die, you're aware?"

 _He_ talked to me. It meant ''if I raise my legs in protest, barbed wire would enter my flesh and would plant in my veins and I would empty my blood''. I really wanted this. But after, I thought about the life that was waiting for me somewhere. To Gabby. This woman I always loved and I still love. I thought back to her smile she had when she looked at me. The time I spent with her. And all this, touched by another woman. I felt tears come to my eyes. And finally down my face and surely fall down on the ground or Trish. I bit my lips. I bit them when I felt her breath on me, when I felt her lips on me, when I felt her tongue on me. It was for me one of the most painful sensations. Feel that I would feel pleasure, but it hurts because I didn't want to feel this pleasure invade me. But I couldn't do a thing now. My face tensed, sometimes I heard myself make a sound or two. Sometimes I tried to move to stop all this, but my wrists were throwing me a warning. So I gave up. The only right that I fully took was crying. I didn't know how I was to cry knowing that I had almost no water in my body. I had nothing. I was tied like an animal, and someone tortured me. They tortured me to have fun. A pleasure I didn't want to. My legs were shaking, and suddenly, I felt my body relax. I knew then that, for most of this masquerade, I held my breath. But I wasn't holding back my tears. I still had my eyes closed. My clothes went up by magic, and my hands fell. The barbed wire went away, and I fell to the ground like a dead weight. And I still cried. I put my hands around my legs, even more than before. And I cried again and again. The hardest part wasn't to fight, the hardest part was to take pleasure in that. And every time they came, I took that pleasure. Not by the gesture, but because I imagined that it was Gabby instead Trish. I imagined the woman I dreamed put me through this infinite torture. It was cruel, I was cruel. But it was the only way for me not to kill me. Or not to get killed. It was a shame, I was ashamed. How in these moments, I could take pleasure from another woman?

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I was ashamed of me, of that face. Of my face. When I looked it, I wanted to ask it how he could do such a thing. I couldn't look at the man in front of me anymore. I knocked. Again and again. Until I felt the pain lacerating my hand. Until I heard this noise so distinct of glass falling to the ground. I wanted so much to finish it. That all ends up. I had had enough. This world wasn't for me. I slid to the floor, and grabbed one of the biggest pieces of glass. It was the only solution. The only one that came to my mind. I felt my hands shaking, and I was crying. But I didn't have the strength to do this. Though I have it in my hand, I couldn't do this. I put my head on the tiled wall and closed my eyes. I waited. Crying. How could she still love me...

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

My hands were full of bags. Matt didn't eat much, but the little he ate must have weighed heavily in his system to resume the weight he had lost. I opened the door hardly.

"Matt?"

Not a sound in the appartment. He was surely sleeping. I put the bags on the work surface and made my way to the room, quietly. But nobody. I felt myself frown, and my heart beat harder. The bathroom. There was the only way. But I didn't hear the water flowing. I took a deep breath and a step at a time I walked to the door and opened it. I frowned when I saw the debris on the ground. Then I turned my head to the left and saw a foot, then another, and finally Matt.

"Matt!"

My eyes were fully open and I threw myself to the ground near him.

"Matt, what did you do?"

His skin was even paler than his first day in hospital. I didn't know what to do anymore. I shivered, from everywhere. I heard him crying, and I hit his cheeks.

"Matt, answer me, what did you do? Matt! Damn, open your eyes!"

But he didn't answer. I was panicking. My breathing became so fast that I thought having a heart attack. Then I saw his hand. In which he held a large piece of broken glass.

"Matt... Give me this piece of glass... Please."

His only answer was to cry harder. His tears tearing the calm living the room. I crouched in front of him and gently took his hand.

"Matt..."

His hand was tight on this piece of glass. So tight that there was blood escaped from it.

"Matt, please. Talk to me. Matt."

He looked up. His eyes... They weren't the same. I could see sadness. I could hardly move. Do anything.

"Matt. Matt I'm here, it's over."

I stood almost on him. Trying to comfort him as I could, holding his trembling hand. I felt that he unclenched it and took the opportunity to take the piece of glass and drop it to the ground. Then I felt Matt move and cry more.

"Matt, It's over Matt. Shhhh... I'm here, no matter what, why or when, I'm here and I'll be always here."

I felt his arms encircling me, stronger and stronger. Then nothing. I had to call Gabby. She would know what to do. With a trembling hand, I called her.

"Hallo?"

"Gabby, this is Kelly."

"Kelly, what is happening?"

"It's Matt. You need to come, now!"

"Kelly, calm down and explain."

"He... He's losing blood and... I think he lost consciousness."

"I'm on my way."

I took a glove, and licked to wound on Matt's hand. His head moved, and he frowned. And slowly, his eyes opened, leaving a loneliness blue. A totally inert gaze lost in the void.

"Matt, look at me. Matt!"

He didn't. He was there, lost in thought. Suddenly, he began to struggle.

"Matt! What are you doing, Matt!"

"Don't... Don't want... let me..."

"No Matt, I will not let you! Why you wanted to do that!"

"Gabby..."

"What Gabby?"

"Shame... She didn't... Love me anymore... Can't anymore..."

"What are you talking about?"

"She... She touched me... And... I... She..."

" Matt, save your strength."

He cried. He cried all the tears in his body.

"Shame... Can't... look her anymore... Anymore..."

"Why?"

"Trish... She... I couldn't ... Stop her... Nothing... I... I can't anymore... Watch Gabby... In the eyes... "

Then I understood. I understood what he said. Bennett was right: Matt was sexually tortured. And not only by a man.

"Matt, stay with me, you gotta stay awake."

"Can't anymore..."

His eyes closed, his head fell to the ground and I couldn't do anything to stop him. I just had to stop this blood flowing now on my fingers. It was at this time Gabby arrived. I heard her screaming my name from the lounge.

"In the bathroom Gabby!"

I focussed on Matt, who was lying inert, still paler than the tiles.

"Oh my God... What happened?"

"He tried to cut his veins, that's what happened!"

"He what?"

"He wanted to... But when I came into the bathroom, he was on the ground, with a piece of glass in his hand, and he squeezed it very hard. But he didn't cut his veins."

"You have to call Bennett. He'll know what to do."

"He will ask to see him in the hospital. And there is no question he returns to hospital."

"He's not off shift today. But he left us his personal number."

"... Call him."

"Took him in the bedroom, on the bed and continue to press the wound."

I nodded, and Gabby went to call Bennett. I took Matt in my arms and gently laid him on the bed Instinctively, I took his pulse, too frightened by the fact that something might happen. It was fast and thready. Bennett had to come. Fast.

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

"Bennett"

"Doc, it's Gabby. You told us we can call you if there was a problem."

"Yeah, I remembered."

"Matt..."

I was scared, tears in my eyes. I took a deep breath.

"Matt tried to kill himself. Well I think he tried. I don't konw. He lost a lot a blood and we can't took him in the hospital."

"He is conscious?"

"He just lost consciousness."

"How is his pulse?"

I ran to the bedroom.

"Kelly, how is his pulse?"

"Fast and thready. He's losing too much blood."

"Doc?"

"I heard Gabby. I'll come in five minutes. I'll call Sonia. She's off shift too, and I'll grab all the things I need. Five minutes. If I'm not here, call me again."

"What do we do for now?"

"Try to keep him warm and to stop the bleeding."

"That's all?"

"There's nothing else you can do. Five minutes. I'll be there."

He hang up. A race against time began.

* * *

 **Bennett's POV**

I was worry for Matt. He was the first patient who I really worried to. After all he get through. Sonia accepted to help me, and was speechless, looking through the window with a sad look. My phone buzzed. I couldn't answer, so Sonia took it and put the speaker.

"We're almost there Gabby."

"Okay. You said to call you again, so..."

"I know Gabby. I grabbed more things in any case I need them. How is he?"

"Still unconscious. His pulse is slowing and he doesn't seem to bleed out anymore."

"Tell Kelly to keep apply pressure on the wound until I say he can stop. If he stops, Matt might bleed out."

"I will prepare a table and some other things."

"Okay. I see the building, can you help us to take all the equipments?"

"I'll go down."

"Thanks."

Sonia hung up, I parked my car and Gabby appeared to the door.

"You can take some light things. We take the other equipments."

Gabby nodded, we grabbed all the things and we entered to the appartment. I didn't think about a beautiful place like this.

"Impressive..."

Gabby smiled lightly.

"Matt did it. He owns a construction company."

"Yeah? He is... Talented."

We took the direction of the bedrrom. Kelly was near Matt, who was still inert.

"Doc... Thanks for coming. And Sonia too."

Sonia smiled.

"You should have called 9-11."

"He doesn't like hospital and... Well, you begin to know Matt: if he's not in an environment he knows, with people he knows, it will not help him."

"I understand. But if I say I can't treat him here, he has to go to the hospital."

Kelly nodded, understanding the situation.

"Keep apply preassure Kelly."

Sonia helped me to take his vitals, which meant his pulse, his blood preassure and his breathing. He lost a lot of blood.

"You said he lost how much?"

"Around a half liter. Maybe more. The wound isn't long but it's deep. He probably cut some veins with the piece of glass."

I sighed.

"He has a gift with mirrors", I smirked.

A muffled laugh seized the room.

"Well, for now, I need saline, antisecptic and gauzes to disinfect the wound."

Sonia prepared all the equipment.

"I make an infusion of antibiotics?"

"Yes, and he needs fluids too. And an antitetanic shot. I think he has fever."

"I'll take his temperature."

She grabbed a thermometer.

"Kelly, I need you take off your hand and the glove slowly. Very slowly. If the bleeding is out, take it off might reopen the wound."

Kelly took off his hand with the glove slowly as I instructed. There still was blood flowing. I took an antiseptic gauze on it.

"Doc. He has fever. 100,8."

"Make a rapid infuser. Gabby, can you bring some towel, a bowl of cold water and a blanket?"

"On it."

I focussed on Matt, taking care to not enlarge the wound.

"I think he didn't cut veins. Just some muscles. I need to open the wound to see the damage."

"But... He lost some blood."

"Hand muscles are very sensitive. They can bleed more than you think. I will anesthetize the area and open it a little more, see the damage and sew. Kelly can you pass me the bag on the ground? It contains surgical tools."

He sttod up, grabbed it and open it.

"I need lidocaine, a syringe, gauzes, a small retractor, a wire, a needle to suture, and saline."

"Doc... I don't understand anything."

"I'll do it Kelly, don't worry."

Again, Sonia prepared all the necessary equipments and helped me as she could.


	15. Forgive me

Hello everybody! We hope you are enjoying your sunday (even a little). So here is the next chapter. It's a hard chapter, because in this one, Kelly tries to explain to Gabby why Matt is like this with her. Anyway, it's time to read :)

Bonne journée :)

* * *

 **Matts POV**

I was hot. But I was shivering. Sweat ran down my forehead, and I selt my face totally moistened by this water. I had this feeling of being elsewhere. But it was a nice feeling. Not even worrying. Except these voices. I heard voices. Were they really here or were they in my head... Just a way to know: open the eyes. This action was a little more difficult than I thought. No strengh anymore. If these voices were really with me, they were in the same room.

"Ke... Kelly."

The voices stopped, and I felt the place my body laid down move.

"Matt? Can you hear me?"

My only hearable answer was a moan. And to struggle when this unsain guy put a light on my eyes. I felt something cold on my forehead, circular and small at the beginning, then something that envelopped my entire forehead.

"He is at 103,3."

"Damn..."

I frowned. What did it mean?

"Antibiotics doesn't work. I hope it's nothing. He doesn't have difficulty to breathe, but his pulse is a little high and his BP is slightly slow."

"Doc..."

"I think it's nothing. Just a reaction about the loss of blood. His body was exhaused during four days, his immunitary system is weaker. It's logical. And if this place was wet, he may have caught something there."

"And you didn't detect it in the hospital?"

"It may take some time."

"Was..."

I was astonished by this word which came out my mouth.

"What did you say Matt?"

I hoped I could answer clearly.

"Wet... Cold... Dark... Rusty..."

It was my best description of this place I could do. This one I was now was totally blurred. But it was familiar.

"Where..."

"You are in your bedroom, on your bed. Do you remember what happened?"

In the first time, I shook my head, the I thought about this. The mirror, Kelly. I didn't dream.

"Kelly..."

"I'm here Matt."

I felt myself crying. Again.

"Matt..."

Opening my eyes, I saw Kelly near me.

"I'm... Sorry."

I closed my eyes and felt Kelly sigh.

"It's nothing Matt. I understand. You need rest. Just sleep for now."

I nodded weakly. And I felt myself go away...

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

I had this feeling I was sidelined. Looking Matt thus, it was a torture for me. But he didn't ask me. He didn't say a thing about me. And when he saw me, I saw him crying. He didn't love me anymore. He was another man, not the Matt I knew. I coulnd't look him like this. I began to leave the room, leave the hallway when Kelly grabbed my arm.

"Gabby, wait."

I struglled.

"Matt needs you. So stay with him. I doesn't need me."

* * *

 **Kelly's POV, in the same time**

Looking Matt drift to sleep with fever was for me a sensation of being stabbed in the heart. It was painfull and unbearable.

"If this room he was is really how he described it, he may have caught the flu. In an environment like this, it's unusual than in winter and a cold and dry space, but this can happen if the immunitary system doesn't work correctly."

"Are you sure it's the flu?"

"Not yet. He doesn't have all the symptoms. I watched him closely during a few hours with Sonia and I will act accordingly."

I nodded, then I looked at the room. Someone was missing. I stood up and left the room. I saw Gabby almost leaving the appartment.

"Gabby, wait."

I grabbed her arm but she struggled.

"Matt needs you. So stay with him. I doesn't need me."

His words sounded like a stabbing. I didn't know if she was angry, desperate or... But she wasn't herself.

"Why you're saying this?"

"When he sees me, he cries. He didn't pronounced my mane! He didn't want me near him, he didn't want me touch him! Nothing! How do you want I react? By the man I love! Uh? Tell me!"

She was out of breath. She collapsed with tears in the eyes. I accompanied her on the floor. She deserved the truth.

"Do you know why, at least?"

She raised her head and shook it. I took a deep breath.

"When he was in this room... You know he was tortured. Physically, mentally, but sexually too."

She nodded.

"Bennett told us."

"Yeah. When I called you earlier, he regained consciousness. And we talked. Well he talked and I listened. And when he lost consciousness again, I understood. I understood why he was like this with you."

She frowned and grabbed my arm.

"Tell me."

I sighed.

"It's just hypothetical."

"I know. But tell me."

I took a deep breath.

"I think he was sexually assaulted, but not only by a man. A woman too. Called Trish I think."

"Trish?"

"He just... Told this name. Anyway... When he was tortured, to forgive what they did to him, I think he tought about you. He said to me he was ashamed because he thought about you when he was tortured. And I think, um... Knowing Matt, he thought about you when he..."

"Wait... You think he thought about me when he was assaulted?"

"Yes... And if he thought about you, it meant he imagined you in the place of this... Trish."

Her mouth opened, then closed, and finally her hands came to her lips.

"You mean... He imagined me torturing him?"

"It's not what I meant. For him, this ''torture'' with you, it's pleasure. If he imagined you in Trish's place, it's to override the pain of being tortured. And it means he took some... Pleasure."

"What?"

"For him, Trish was a pain. Thinking about you is a pleasure. He replaced the pain by pleasure. This is why he cries when he sees you, this is why he doesn't want you to touch him, this is why he doesn't want you to approach him. He is ashamed of have felt this pleasure with ''another woman'' as you. He made him seek, he thinks he doesn't deserve your love anymore because of that."

"My... God..."

His tears ran down her cheeks, more than before. I took her in my arms, trying to comfort her as I could.

"I think... I think he needs to know you still love him. And even what happened to him, you will continue to love him."

"How? How to make him understand that?"

I looked at her.

"Tell him you're carring his baby. It will be the best beginning. For the rest... Well, I'm on it. I talk to you later about this. Okay?"

She nodded lightly.

"He needs to be forgiven Gabby. And only you can do that."

She nodded.

"Kelly? This... Trish. She's dead."

"How can you say that?"

"Because she is. The first time Matt saw me, I went to the ER to see Brett and Chili. They brought Trish in it. With a bullet in her heart. It was the same type of bullet, shot by the same gun that killed Katya. And the second time he saw me, I came to see Halstead and he told me she didn't make it. But there is more."

"What?!"

I was surprised. There was more than this story.

"One of the men is alive. Antonio thinks he can hurt Matt again. He is the worst of the band, worst than Nesbitt. He is in charge of the human trafficking and he kills all the people who want to escape. That's why he killed Katya, that's why he killed Trish. And that's why he wants to kill Matt. He gave them hope, and now, the human trafficking doesn't exist anymore, and all the women and children are free. Matt won, and he wants to kill the man who ruined his plans."

I was speechless. Nothing prepared me to that. Nothing. I closed my eyes and passed my hands on my face.

"We can't tell him the truth. This will ruin him. Again. He thinks all the men have been killed. We have to keep this in secret. Only between us and the Intelligence Unit."

"Okay. Okay."


	16. I'm not the same anymore

**Hello eveybody! Time to go to work because it's the beginning of the week haha**

 **To begin this week, we wanted to update this story. So we hope you will enjoy it, because we enjoyed writing it.**

 **Anyway, let us a review about what you thought (good or bad thoughts) about this chapter.**

 **Bonne lecture :)**

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I could feel something on my arm. My left arm. Then coming into my veins. Something so cold, contrasting with my warm body. God, I felt warm. So warm. I could feel sweat all over body.

"How is he Bennett?"

"His body resists against the infection. But it's not because of the wound. When you went out the hospital, did you stay outside for a while?"

"Uh... Yeah, we went to the lake. He likes this place."

"With all this wind?"

"What."

I felt my body react. My body was shaking, trying to reach these two voices. But they were far away.

"Kel..."

I tried to lift up my arm, but couldn't move. I was too weak.

"Matt, I'm here. It's ok."

"No... Not okay."

"What is it Matt?"

I opened my eyes, or tried to. Eveerything was a blurr, and my head was pouding.

"Jack... He... Tried to kill you... And Gabby... All of you..."

"I know Matt, I know."

"No... When... When he was out, his... Henchman... Oleg. He... Sent Trish to me... She... Tortured me, but I didn't want..."

I didn't know why I continued talking.

"I... I felt... Pleasure when I didn't want to. I... I'm sorry. I can't... Can't... Gabby can't love me anymore."

I felt myself crying.

"He is at 104."

"God..."

I didn't understand a thing. What was it? Why I was here? Where I was?

"He's becoming delusional. Antibiotics doesn't work."

"So what?"

"It's the flu. Look, his captivity let his immunitary system very weak. That's why he caught the flu in this period."

"He needs to go back in hospital?"

"No, I don't think it's necessary. The flu appears suddently, and passed after a few days. That includes high fever, lost of appetite, sweating, dizziness, sometimes vomiting."

"So what are we doing?"

"We give him fluids to reverse dehydratation, amantadine, tylenol to fight the flu, and essential nutrients to reinforce his immunitary system. But I can't do more than that. And he needs to drink a lot of water and eat."

"I will do my chicken soup again" Sonia said.

"I'll help. My grand-mother did this recipe when my brother and I were sick" Gabby added.

"Alright. Come with me then!"

They left the room. This voice... That was Gabby?

"Gab..."

I closed my eyes. I felt too warm.

"Matt, I'm here. It's okay, it's okay..."

But I couldn't reply. I felt my mind drift to a black dream.

* * *

 **Matt's POV, flashback**

It was a dark, cold and stinking place. Yeah, stinking humidity. A foul odor was seizing my nostrils. It made me sick, but I made sure to swallow my saliva to avoid vomiting. Suddently, some images came on my mind, just in my eyes : Katya. I had dreamed ? I didn't think so. She was really dead. This made me sicker. How Nesbitt did this in cold blood ? Taking his gun, pointing it on her chest, and shooting without hesitation saying ''you shouldn't have done that...''. What did it mean ? ''Done that'' ? She didn't have the right to talk to me ? She didn't have the right to escape out of his hand ? Out of this... Damn thing ? I felt something on my wrists and my ankles. I was bounded. I tried to fight, but a raw pain overcame me, and went back into my neck. Something had just entered my wrists and I already felt blood running over and fall to the ground. The smell of my blood went up to my nose, mingling with the smell I wanted to repress. I couldn't anymore. With a sudden movement, I put on my legs, without opening my eyes, and threw all the contents of my dinner on the ground. Until there are no more than bile. Everything was burning me. Everything . A jackhammer was running in my head, I collapsed to the ground, trying not to move, but I felt my body trembling slightly. Suddenly, the door opened in a creaky cacophony. I forced myself to open my eyes, trying to get them used to the low light brightening the room. I knew it was Nesbitt, but I didn't recognize him.

''Back to the land of the living ?''

I didn't answer. I didn't want to.

''I can see you met your barbed wires !''

So this was them... Barbed wires. These damn things which entered my body.

''You move a little too much and you break your radial arteries. It's the best thing to do to kill yourself but I don't think you want to. For now.''

For now ? Why for now ?

''Up.''

I didn't move an inch. I couldn't without pain. And I didn't want pain.

''I said up.''

I capitulated. I stood on my knees, struggling against the ever-present desire to vomit, and started on my feet. Without warning, I took a shot in my stomach. I fell on my knees again, swallowing my saliva.

''I never said stand up.''

I stayed there, without moving. He went on my height.

''I need informations Matt. And only you have them.''

I still didn't move, my eyes were still close.

''Why you betrayed me ?''

 _What ? Betrayed you ? I didn't betrayed you !_

''You talked to these police officers in your firestation ! What did you say to them !''

 _If you only knew..._

''I won't repeat my question Matt.''

 _And I won't tell you a damn thing..._

''All right. I have plenty of time. You don't. But it's okay. I'm very, very patient. I'll come back later, see if you changed your mind or not. And if not, Oleg will take care of you.''

The door did this same horrible sound before closing. I felt tears burning my eyes, then my cheeks, and falling on the damp ground.

 _''Matt ?''_

I frowned. I knew this voice.

 _''No don't move an inch. You can't... Just listen to me. I'm in your head.''_

 _Am I... Becoming crazy ?_

 _''You aren't becoming crazy. It's a voice to help you going through this. It's a voice you trust.''_

I really, really knew this voice, but couldn't give a face on it.

 _''It's me. Hallie.''_

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

''Hallie...''

I turned to Matt.

''What ?''

He was sweating a lot, even if Sonia told me his fever was stabilized.

''I saw Hallie... In there...''

''In there ? When ?''

''When... I... Was in there. I was bounded... And... She told me to not give up... I... I didn't have the right... To give up... I wanted to... But each time I was... Closing my eyes... She... Was screaming at me to stay awake and shaking me, she comforted me...''

''Matt ? Matt ?''

He drifted to sleep. Again. Bennett entered in the bedroom.

''How is he ?''

''Was conscious some seconds ago. His fever is making him delirious.''

''Yeah, I know. But the antibiotics is helping him to fight the flu and the fever is very slowly going down.''

I nodded. It hurted me to see my best friend like this.

''He said something ?''

''He... Talked about Hallie. That he wanted to give up, but she helped him to fight.''

''Who is Hallie ?''

Of course, Bennett didn't know her. She didn't work in Chicago Med, but in Lakeshore.

''She was his former fiancee.''

''They broke up like with Gabby ?''

And they didn't know their story.

''She's dead.''

''Oh...''

I sighed and took a huge inspiration.

''Matt... Matt and I were on a call in a burning clinic with our teams. Hallie... Hallie worked in there and, um... We found her, badly burned. We, um... We tried to save her, but, um... She was already dead. After that, Antonio... I mean detective Dawson found that she was murdered, and... Matt and the Intelligence Unit found the guy and shot him.''

I didn't know if I had the right to explain this, but Bennett had the right to know, to help Matt. I trusted him now. But did Matt too ?

''This must have been hard for you, especially for him.''

''At the time, I blamed him for the death of our best friend. He was on his team, he was our brother. And... I thought he let him go on the first floor, but now... I know he tried to stop him. But he couldn't. I know that now, but at this time... All I could see was a _brother_ who killed his brother.''

I closed my eyes.

''It was stupid. No one is to blame for this. It was the job. Saving lives by putting ours in brackets.''

''Kel...''

I opened my eyes, just to see Matt's slightly open.

''Matt''

''I'll see if dinner is ready.''

Bennett left the room, and went to the kitchen.

''I'm sorry...''

''Why?''

''Andy...''

I shook my head very hardly.

''No, you don't have to. It's our job Matt.''

''I... Saw him... When the flammes took him. I was there... And I didn't do anything... I just watched and screamed his name.''

He was crying. God, Matt... Why I was blaming you? Suddently he coughed and tried to roll on one of his side.

''Matt?''

His eyes were closed while he was continuing to cough. A hand passed on his lips. Gee... I grabbed his left arm, and put him on his right side, on the edge of the bed. Then I rubbed my palm on his back to calm his urge to throw up.

''Just breathe Matt. In and out. Slow, deep and steady breaths.''

His cough subsided a few seconds, before disapearing. He was in sweat, eyes closed, seeming asleep again. I continued to rub his back, cumforting him.

''It's okay Matt. It's okay. Go back to sleep. Sshhhhh...''


	17. A little buddy

Hey huys and girls! I wanted to update this story beofre having a lot of work this sunday. I hope you will like: we don't really talk about Matt in this one, but it's the first appointment of Gabby, so Kelly is with her to not let her do this alone.

Anyway, can you let me a review please? I like to know what you are thinking about the story :)

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

Today was my first appointment. I was a little nervous I had to say. Because Matt didn't know about my pregnancy, Kelly made this appointment with me, but he was a little scared to let Matt with Sonia and Bennett. But I knew he will be happy to see his ''godchild''. In the waiting room, I was sitting peacefully while Kelly turned around the room. This made me feel more nervous.

"Kelly? Could you stop this? I want to vomit now..."

"Oh... Sorry."

He sat down near me, smiling a little but frowning.

"What is it?"

He sighed deeply.

"Matt... Matt is still feverish, and I let him with Sonia and Bennett."

"Don't worry Kelly", I said, squeezing his right shoulder. "He will be fine. It's not like he is alone. He trusts them, doesn't he?"

"Uh... Yeah, he trusts Sonia for sure, but he is a little nervous when Bennett is in the same room."

"Logical. He has trouble with men since... Uh..."

"The accident?"

I smiled, nodding.

"But why with me, he doesn't have trouble then? At the beginning I was the only one who could approach him."

"You're his best friend Kelly. It's your brother, so... Maybe he trusts you because you're his brother. I don't know."

Yeah, I really didn't know. But I was glad Kelly was there for Matt.

"Mrs Dawson?"

I startled when a doctor came in the waiting roomm, calling my name.

"Uh, yeah, yeah! Sorry!"

I stood up and laughed while Kelly shook his head, as for say ''What I'm going to do about you...''.

"May you come with me?"

She signed to me to follow her, Kelly just behing me. We followed her until a little room. She signed again to us to have a sit, and sat on her chair behind her desk.

"I present, I'm Dr. Alerson and I will do your first appoitment to see if you are really pregnant and if so, I will be maybe your OBGYN."

"Oh, trust me, she's pregnant..."

"Kelly!"

I slapped him in his shoulder. Alerson smiled.

"So I presume you're the dad?"

Kelly was speechless, his mouth full open.

"Uh, no. No, I'm uh... A friend of Gabby."

"Oh, it's soo generous for you..."

I frowned as well as Kelly.

"What?"

I let escape a little laugh.

"It's soo generous for him to give his sperm for you and your girlfriend!"

I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't stop laughing. I couldn't. And Kelly as well. That, was so funny. Dr. Alerson gave us a look... That was the funniest scene I've ever seen in my entire life.

"I... Said something funny?"

"Hell yeah! Oh God!"

Kelly tried to wipe his tears and tried to explain.

"It's uh... Well, the father couldn't come so I came with her."

"Oh, holy crap!"

She held a hand on her lips and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry I thought... You know. It's not uncommon anymore so, I thought we were a sperm donor."

"No it's fine. Actually, we needed to laugh."

I smiled, thinking about Matt. We couldn't really laugh with him around for now.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You want to know why the father isn't here?"

"Uh... Yeah. Almost all the first time the father is here so..."

"In fact he doesn't know for now. That I'm pregnant. I want to tell him, but he isn't in a really good shape to know."

Dr. Alerson frowned a little.

"He was..."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't talk about this. I thought I could but I couldn't.

"He was kidnapped almost a week ago. And uh... It's complicated, but he couldn't be here. And he doesn't like hospitals."

She nodded. I hoped she didn't go further.

"Okay so, I will ask a few question before do an ultrasound. Are you sure your... Friend can stay here for the questions?"

"I didn't have something to hide. He knows everything."

"Okay, okay."

I gave Kelly a look. A smiled look as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"So, how long you think you're pregnant?"

"Six weeks."

"Precisely?"

"Presicely."

"And you're sure about this? I mean, you didn't have... Sex with your boyfriend since that day?"

"No. And slept with no boys since that day."

Again she frowned. She didn't understand what I meant. I took a deep breath.

"We weren't together anymore when we... Had sex six weeks ago. Kelly, Matt and I are firefighters and we were there when the hospital exploded, so... A pretty rough shift, Kelly badly injured, and... There we go!"

Kelly smiled. I explained him all the story when he discovered I was pregnant.

"I presume this Matt is the dad?"

"Yeah."

"Okay so, when was your last period?"

"April 14th. And before you ask, it's a regular period, they end after five days, I didn't notice something wrong since my last period, I don't have any gynecological problems and I didn't have any pregnancy before this one."

She was speechless again, but frowned.

"I'm an EMT certified."

"Oh, okay! You are a firefighter and a former paramedic?"

"That's it!"

"So I don't have to ask other questions? Or do you have questions?"

"Uh... Matt told me that... His delivery was a bit rough and long, and, uh... I don't know if it may be a problem."

"Not really. It depends on the width of your pelvis, cervix and vagina. But we'll see that later, probably in the second trimester or the third. Nothing else?"

"I'm already sick about my morning sickness, but other than that, no. It's okay."

"Alright. So, due to what you told me, your delivery will be january 24th."

Kelly and I shared a look. And then we smiled at each other.

"It's a great date, don't you think?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Is this date important?"

"It's..."

I took a deep breath.

"It's Matt's birthday!"

"Oh! This would be a great surprise for him!"

Kelly squeezed my hand harder.

"Well, I will do your ultrasound now. Can you lay down this bed, put your shirt up and your pants a little down?"

I nodded, took place and did all she asked. I felt a little nervous and took a deep breath.

"It's going to be okay Gabby. Matt will be in shock at the beginning, but he always wanted to be a dad."

Kelly was right. In shock, but happy. I guested.

"Okay, here we go."

She put some gel on the bottom on my belly, placed the probe, trying to find the best angle to see this little baby growing inside me. One sound. I just wanted one sound. This so recognizable sound of a baby heartbeat.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

Gabby was anxious, and it was expected. I still had my hand on hers, squeezing it. Alerson tried to find this baby. This Dawsey baby. But during more than a minute, there were nothing.

"If you want to ear his or her heartbeat, it's too soon for this. If you're really on your sixth weeks of pregnancy, the heart will be outside the body, but we can't hear it. It's weird but it is the truth. You can't hear the heartbeat before the tenth week."

"Okay. I thought it will be earlier."

"No. But if I find this little baby, I can try to tell you."

Her anxiety grew. I could see that on her face.

"Everything will be okay Gabby."

I sat next to him, and wraped a secured arm around her head.

"Hey there buddy!"

Gabby turned her head to Alerson.

"You can see him?"

"I found him yeah! Well we don't know yet if it's a girl or a boy, but yeah!"

"Can... Can I..."

"Of course you can! There."

She grabbed the monitor and turned it to us. A beautiful picture in black and white appeared on the screen. I turned my head to Gabby, who had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay Gabby. It's okay."

I let her cry on me. I knew this was hard for her. To look at this screen without Matt.

"The next one, he will be there. I promise."

"Thanks Kelly."

She smiled at me.

"Buddy is strong. Very strong. He is six weeks old but he is strong."

"Can you take pictures? Just one? I think it's the best thing to do to tell him. Don't you think?"

I turned to Gabby. She nodded.

"I don't know. I... I don't want to do it alone."

"I will be there. Don't worry. When he will be better in a few days, we will tell him okay?"

"Okay."

I kissed her forehead, while Dr. Alerson gave us the picture. Now, we had to wait until Matt will get better.


	18. 51 is my family

Hello everybody! It's time to update this fanfiction. It's one of my most beautiful chapter (the most beautiful will be 3 chapters after this one).

Enjoy it :)

* * *

 **Bennett's POV**

"How is he?"

Kelly and Gabby came back just a few minutes before entering the room.

"A few nightmares, but Sonia and I were able to drift him to sleep. His fever is going down. 102,3. His system and antibiotics are fighting the flu and any infection he could have caught by his wound."

"So he will be okay?"

"In two or three days yes. But the flu will disapear completely in a week. He will be weak during these days, but don't worry."

"Doctor? Next time he will be awake, we need to feed him. And help him drink some water or apple juice."

"Right. So, just to change the subject: how was it?"

"Oh, great! Thanks to care."

But Kelly signed me not to talk about this now, because of Matt. He didn't know, and I was pretty sure Gabby wanted to tell him later. A sound came on my ears.

"Matt?"

A few seconds later, Matt's eyes were open, not fully, but open.

"Kel..."

"I'm here Matt."

Kelly sat on the bed, near his best friend.

"Sorry..."

"Don't. You caught the flu because of me. I drove you near the lake with this weather, and after what happened your immunitary system was down. So, it's me. I AM sorry."

Matt shook his head.

"Matt? Do you feel strong enough to sit and try to eat?"

I signed to Sonia to grab a bowl, and she left the room to go to the kitchen. Gabby followed her.

"I think so."

He tried to sit without help, but a sharp pain travelled his hand.

"Ahh! Dammit!"

Kelly grabbed him before he laid down again and help him to sit. Matt was watching his hand.

"What happened?"

"You... Don't remember?"

Again, Matt shook his hand.

"You... When I found you, you were in the bathroom, delirious, with a piece of glass in your hand. And you cut yourself pretty badly."

"What?"

Mouth wide open, Matt didn't realize what he was doing at this time.

"It's the fever Matt. You were over 104. So you don't remember what happened."

"Knowing me... It might be horrible."

"You... Were talking about... About what happened."

Matt frowned.

"What did I say..."

His voice was anxious, and was shaking.

"You talked about... Trish... What she did... Andy... Hallie..."

The more Kelly told about his delirious, the more Matt's face turned pale. And it wasn't all.

"You talked about a... Nesbitt. About Gabby and Kelly but you drifted to sleep after that."

Matt closed his eyes.

"I... Don't remember anything."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Uh, let's see... Kelly left to grab some errands and I went to the bathroom to grab a shower. And after that, I woke up here."

Two whole days so... Matt turned his head to the window.

"The sun is shining so I presume I was out for a long time?"

"Nearly two days actually. You were in and out of consciousness during the whole time. But not long enough to feed you properly. So we gave you fluids as you can see in your arm, some nutrients and antibiotics to fight the infection."

Matt nodded. His stomach made a sound I never thought about... Everyone laughed.

"I think you're starving!"

"I don't know. I mean, yeah, but if my stomach is rejecting food again?"

"Then it's better than having no food in your system."

"Right."

"Sonia and Gabby made the chicken soup. I know you like it so they made it."

At Gabby's name, Matt let go a gasp.

"Gabby's here?"

He was murmuring, not wanted to be heard.

"Yes, I called her after I found you."

"She was a great help. She stopped the bleeding in your hand, she did the soup, and..."

Kelly signed me to stop talking.

"Matt, listen to me. She knows okay. And she will be there for you, no matter what, when, why or how. Just like me okay. Don't be ashamed about this."

Matt lowered his stare.

"So I talked about... This... When you said I talked about Trish, it was this?"

"Yes. Not the details. Just you felt ashamed about what she did to you, and that Gabby couldn't love you anymore. Because of this. But I can tell you something: she still loves you."

Matt took a few second to nod.

* * *

 **Gabby's POV, at the same time**

I followed Sonia in the kitchen to help her with the dinner. She was smiling at me.

"How was he really doing when we were out?"

"Like Bennett said. Some nightmares, drifting in and out of consciousness, his fever went slowly down until you came back. And you? How was it?"

"Oh, Dr. Alerson is weird!"

"Melanie? Yeah she is weird but she's the best I think."

"Do you know where she comes from? I heard an accent in her voice."

"Oh! Her mother was Belgian. And she came to the United States around ten years ago for her studies."

Woah...

"Buddy is okay?"

"Yes, yes! He is okay! Uh... I have another appointment in june 19th, because I'm only six weeks. I just... Want Matt in my side this time. It was too hard to watch the screen."

Sonia turned to me and smiled.

"Don't worry. He will be there. For now, he's too weak to take the news, but in a few days you can tell him."

"I know. And I'm a little nervous. I know he will love to become a dad, but I don't know how to tell him. It's important to him and to me."

"It's really, really important for both of you?"

I nodded. It's the best thing that could have happen.

"Maybe you can make a diner with your family? His family, your family and tell them too at the same time."

"I... I have two families: my real family, and my firehouse. But for my firehouse I already have an idea."

"Alright. Lets return to the bedroom."

"Uh... I don't know if Matt want to see me. Each time, he cries."

"I know it's hard for you, because he is the father of this buddy, but if you don't try again..."

"Right. I need to go somewhere, can you send me Kelly please?"

"Course!"

Yeah, I needed to go somewhere.

An hour later, I was a little anxious, as usual now. I had butterflies in my stomach, because I had to tell them that I was pregnant. I was now in front of the firehouse with Kelly. A few steps and all our family was there.

"Hey! Look who are back!"

Everyone hugged me and shook Kelly's hand.

"We don't come back for now. We can't let Matt alone, and for now, he is not in a good shape to come in. But we wanted to talk to you all."

"Come on! In the common room."

We went to the common room, everyone had a sit and waited. Boden didn't know what was coming. I took a deep breath.

"I have to leave truck 81 and firehouse 51."

"WHAT?"

Everyone was openmouthed. Like I wanted them to be! So I turned and made my road to the fridge and put a little picture on it. This little picture of buddy. Like Hermann always did when Cindy was pregnant. Five times. Then I turned again, put my hands in my back and lowered my stare. I heard someone stood up.

"Oh God... Oh God you're PREGNANT!"

I looked at the room, everyone still speechless, Hermann in his feet, his hands in his hair.

"Our mama is pregnant! Come here mama!"

I made some steps before being hugged by Hermann, then the rest of the firehouse in a big hug.

"A mini Dawsey in the house!"

Everyone was happy! That's what I wanted. So I began to cry.

"Ohhh Dawson..."

Brett hugged me again.

"Matt knows?"

I shook my head.

"No. I can't tell him now. I want him to regain strengh before telling him."

"He caught the flu because of me, and with his immunitary system down... He stayed two days with a delirious fever."

"How is he?"

"He is with Bennett and Sonia. They took a few days off. We wanted to tell you before anyone else. And his fever is slowly going down, he eats some chicken soup and drink some water."

"Okay, so here is the deal: each time you go to an appointment, you put a little picture of mini Dawsey on the fridge alright?"

"Deal! I have another one in a month, because I'm only six weeks so... It's too early to make tests and see if everything is alright."

"I hope buddy can help him to going through this Dawson. You deserve it."

"Thanks Hermann."

"Uh, we have to go. Can you wait in my car Gabby?"

"Yeah."

I frowned. What is he hiding to me?

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

"So What's up Kelly?"

"I didn't want to talk about this with Gabby around. Uh... It's a little delicate, you know."

"Spit it out Kelly!"

I took a deep breath.

"I think Matt and Gabby need a new space. The appartment is a little too much for Matt, because of all that happened."

"You want to give them a ''gift''? A new house?"

"Uh... Yeah. I... I have some money, but I think I will need help. To find the good place, to make some works inside, you know... Uh..."

"Don't continue. We're in! But I think it will be better if we can make a round in firehouses, to rise money."

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! I'm serious! Matt is appreciated, and I think everyone will help him to start a new life."

"The bad point is... If everyone knows about Gabby and Matt, they will be unable to stay in the same truck."

"I will make some phone call Kelly, don't worry."

"Thank you chief. I appreciate this. Uh, I got to go. See you guys!"

"Take care of Gabby and Matt for us!"

I smiled. Yeah, this was a great idea to tell them.


	19. Really?

Hello everyone! This is my last 'free day' before returning to university, so I decided to post this chapter. I keep hoping you still love this fanfiction.

Enjoy! :D

* * *

 **Matt's POV, three days later**

I was still weak, but I was better than a few days ago. I no longer had fever, or sometimes just a little, and I was still mostly asleep. Sometimes I tried to get up, but I was too weak to do it alone, so Bennett, Sonia or Kelly helped me. I was allowed to eat chicken soup each time I woke up, and drink water too. I also knew that Gabby was in the apartment since day one, but every time she was in the same room with me, I was asleep or too groggy to remind me of anything. Kelly had assured me she didn't blame me for my behaviors, but I doubted about it. It was hard for me, but it was also hard for Gabby. After all that had happened, it was logical for her, the opposite would have surprised me. Even Kelly: sometimes he was uncomfortable with me, trying not to do some things, not rush me or even speak with me. And I understood: the slightest gesture could bring me pictures I didn't want to see or scenes that I didn't want to relive. But that was against me. Bennett said it was my subconscious which reacted. I had a syndrome of I don't know what but he said it was common after this type of case. That scared me because I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I was doing it unconsciously. Kelly, Gabby, everyone I knew. I wasn't the same and I knew it.

"Hey! You're awake!"

"Yeah Kelly, I'm awake. I want to get up but I think I'm not strong enough to do it."

"I'll help you. Where do you want to go?"

"Uh... Living room?"

I needed to do it: go where everyone was, facing Gabby again, this time trying not to cry. This was going to be hard, but I had to. I loved him too much and I didn't want her suffer because of me.

"So is the living room."

"I need to go to the bathroom before... Sorry."

"Oh, don't worry! Wrap your arm around my neck."

I did it, then he grabbed my waist and helped me to stand up. My legs were shaking, I thought my knees were going to give away in any time.

"One step at the time Matt. The flu made you really weak."

"I know. Thank you anyway."

"Ah, don't. You're my brother, you would have done the same for me."

"Of course."

"So don't. It's a pleasure to help you."

I couldn't help but smile. Five minutes later, Kelly helped me to get out of this room for the first time in days.

"Hey, look who is here!"

Sonia laughed a little while Bennett helped Kelly to sit me down. This journey from the bed to the couch in the living room had exhausted me.

"Do you want to drink or eat?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"It remains soup!"

"Uh... Can I try something else? If I can of course."

"Sick of it?"

"Kind of."

"French toasts and eggs?"

"That seems good."

"I'll call Gabby. She is doing some errands."

I closed my eyes. Her name...

* * *

 **Matt's POV, flashback**

 _Hallie? This can't be possible..._

 _"It's your subconscious which is using my voice to help you."_

 _This doesn't help me. I'll prefer to kill myself to be with you._

 _"No... No I can't let you do this."_

 _Why? Why Hallie?_

 _"Because it's not you! I didn't see you give up since I know you! Each time you were breaking down, I saw you reacting. I saw you backward, turn, and move forward. You managed to get out of it! You will do this again."_

 _How? I'm stuck, bounded, probably being tortured soon, maybe to death, and you want me to get trough this? How Hallie I can get trough this!_

 _"Gabby."_

 _What?_

 _"Gabby helped you after my death. Kelly helped you too. They were there for you. And I think no matter what, when, how or why, they will be there for you. Anytime. You can't give up."_

 _Hallie..._

 _"What made you hang on after my death? If you are still alive today, it's because you hold on to that. So hang on to that thing."_

 _Okay... I will try._

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

"Matt. Matt? You're with me?"

Matt startled on the couch. During these last minutes, he wasn't there, his gaze lost.

"Sorry what?"

"Dinner is ready. French toasts and eggs."

"Right. Thank you."

He smiled. Something was in his mind for sure.

"Something is bothering you?"

He turned his gaze to me.

"No. It's just... From the bed to the couch was exhautive. It's nothing."

I wasn't convinced.

"Okay. Here."

I tended him his plate and a fork. He looked at the plate, his eyes lost again. He worried me again. Something had to back him in the head. A memory of that time spent in that room. Something he would not want to talk.

"You still have enough energy to stay conscious a few more minutes?"

"I think so. You... You need me for something?"

"Actually... We would like to talk to you five minutes."

"We?"

"Gabby and me."

"What? What is it?"

He began to be on the defensive. Once again. Each one they approached the subject, he became almost violent. On edge.

"Nothing We... We just want to talk to you."

"Okay."

His fists were clenched, as if to avoid his anger to burst. I was worried. Gabby was in the kitchen and heard what I said. I signed to her, telling her it was the good time. Later would be catastrophic for him. So she sat near me, facing Matt for the first time in days. She took a deep breath and grabbed my hand.

"When... You disapeared, I-"

"Don't!"

Matt tried to stand up, but fell on the couch almost immediately. He put his hands on his face.

"I... Don't want to hear it!"

"Matt I-"

"NO! Please, no! Leave me, please!"

He was crying. As well as Gabby. She clenched her fists and stood up suddently.

"You know what? I will tell you, even if you don't want to hear it!"

Matt tried to cover his ears.

"When you disapeared, I found Katya's Body in the kitchen. I tried CPR, even if I knew she was already dead! I wanted to talk to you! And now, you don't want to face me! I don't know what I've done, but here what I wanted to tell you this night! Do you remember when I said my system was down when we left our shift? Do you remember? I discovered later that I was pregnant! I am pregnant, and it's yours Matt! But I think I can handle this without your help! I'm tired of all this! I'm tired about hearing Kelly telling me it's because you're damage and you need time! I'm sick of it! I wanted you because of this child! But don't worry, it will be fine! I'm done!"

She left the room, grabbed her bag and slammed the door. Matt was there, completely numb, trying to face what Gabby said to him, crying and shivering. Poor Matt. This isn't what I wanted to him to find he will be a dad.

* * *

 **Matt's POV, flashback**

The door opened and Nesbitt appeared with a man.

"Have you thought about what I said earlier?"

 _Hell yeah! And I will say nothing to you._ I faced them, raising my head and being on my feet despite the pain.

"Alright. I presume you don't want to talk. But here is Oleg. You know him do you remember?"

 _How could I forget him?_

"So, because you don't want to talk, I will let him have some time with you. I need these informations, you understand Matt?"

I didn't move an inch.

"Oleg will make you swallow your pride, believe me."

He put his hands in the other and cracked them. I expected that. I knew perfectly well they were going to torture me.

 _"Matt. Try to think about what I said earlier. Don't give up. Otherwise, what you did to save Katya and the other girls would be in vain!"_

 _I know! I'm not stupid! But Katya is dead!_

 _"But not the other girls Matt. You have to save them! And for that, you must not, and under any circumstances, talking! You have no right."_

 _Then I have to do what?_

 _"Endure. As you have always done. You did it when your father abused you, when he abused your mother, you did it when your mother killed your father, you did it when we broke up, you did it when I died, when Andy died when Shay died when Kelly needed you. And you always hold on and moved forward, so don't give up. Please. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for these girls. To Katya.."_

"Lets start Matt. It's time to speak."

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

It couldn't be true. There was no way she toldme the truth. No way...

"Is... Is this real?"

I didn't want to hear Kelly's voice. Or any voice.

"When the hospital exploded and I was badly injured, you had sex with her. So yes... It's true. She's pregnant."

I couldn't stop but cry. I ruined everything. Everything. The person I loved hated me, and she was carrying my baby. This child I wanted for so many years. I really ruined everything.

"So six weeks..."

I couldn't breathe anymore. I was in total panic.

"Matt, hey stay with me man! Breathe, in and out. Breathe... Sonia!"

My vision became blurred again. For the umpteenth time. Kelly spoke to me, but I could only hear whispers now. My eyes closed, my head was so heavy. So heavy...


	20. You shouldn't have

**Kelly's POV**

My God...

"Sonia! Bennett!"

I screamed with all my strength, panicking too. Matt was unconscious but his breathing was still panting. It looked like an asthma attack if we didn't know it was a panic attack. Bennett finally ran into the living room and ausculted Matt.

"Panic attack?"

"Uh, yes..."

"The trigger?"

I thought back to Gabby, what she had said. And how she had said it. But just before completely panicking, he looked like he was elsewhere.

"Perhaps a bad memory... Or the fact that Gabby told her he was going to become a father, but it went wrong".

Bennett sighed while Sonia was running into the room. Matt was sweating in my arms, his breathing became increasingly choppy, pulse was erratic.

"He's going into arhythmia".

It wasn't good, not good at all. Sonia returned with a syringe full of a product that I knew without a doubt, but I worried nonetheless. Bennett and Sonia saw it on my face.

"Haldol. he will with no doubt have a headache upon awakening, like last time, but this is the only way to stop all this".

Sonia grabbed his arm and found a vein to inject the product. It took effect in seconds. Bennett put two fingers on his carotid and waited a little.

"His pulse and breathing slowly become normal again. We have avoided the worst".

I closed my eyes and sighed in relief. I sat on the sofa and put his head on my legs. He was drenched in cold sweat. Sonia grabbed a bowl of cold water and a glove, and cleaned his face.

"Are you sure that the trigger was to know that he was going to be a dad?"

"It's more how he had known it. In fact, Gabby... Gabby didn't say the right words to begin her explanation and so he got angry against her. And then she told him everything. And then I think he had a flashback, and after the panic attack".

Sonia nodded. And looked into my eyes.

"I think it's time to speak to your friend... Your chaplain".

Sonia was right. But before that, I had to talk to Gabby. She didn't have to tell that to Matt as she did. I took my phone and called her.

"WHAT!"

"Oah, oah, slow down Gabby".

I heard her sigh into the phone.

"Sorry..."

"We need to talk".

"About what? My anger?"

"Sort of".

I hoped from Gabby to answer, but this wasn't the case.

"After you left... Matt had a panic attack".

Several seconds passed without a sound.

"How is he?"

"After a dose of haldol, better, but he nearly went into arhythmia".

Once again, Gabby and I didn't talk anymore. I heard her shed a few tears.

"I never wanted this..."

"I... This is why we need to talk. Now".

"... At Brett's. Fifteen minutes".

She hung up. I turned back to Sonia.

"Can you keep an eye on him for me? Around an hour?"

"Of course. Haldol will take effect for a few hours. You will probably be back home before his awakening".

"Thanks Sonia".

I smiled and kissed her on her cheek. Then I left to Brett's apartment. Arriving there, I rang. Brett opened the door, telling me that Gabby was in her room, crying but she didn't know why. Knowing the apartment, I went to her room, knocking. She took a few seconds to open the door. Gabby was unrecognizable. A kleenex in her hand, her eyes were red and tears were still streaming down her cheeks. She didn't even try to wipe them. She signed at me to come in and sit on the bed, which she did just after me.

"I'm sorry Kelly..."

Without warning, she closed her eyes and burst into tears in my arms. She was vey shaken.

"Hey... Gabby... Look at me".

She reopened her eyes and faced me. She was totally lost.

"I blew it, didn't I?"

"What? No... You were angry. And I understand. These last few days had been hard, and Matt rejected you once again. It was the staw".

She looked at me right in the eyes, stopping to cry.

"Yeah... Once again".

"Sorf of".

Gabby didn't seem to understand what I meant. And the subjet was hard to bring.

"The way you told him he will become a father... That's why he rejected you. You shouldn't have say that".

Her eyes widened. She didn't know where to avoid my gaze.

"So it's my fault, isn't it? If he had a panic attack, it's my fault?"

"Partially, but not entirely. I think he had a flashback, a part of his memory played a trick on him, and the two combined... He had this panic attack".

She closed her eyes again, and I took this moment to come near her and embrace her.

"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking about what he went through and you try to understand why he is like that. But it's useless. What he needs is to know that we are here. No matter, just the fact to be here for him without judging him, it will help him to get better, to overcome what happened. We don't know everything, we only see the tip of the iceberg. We need to help him to open up, to understand what is under the level of the sea. To understand what happened beyond... Beyond what we saw".

* * *

 **External POV, flashback**

A day passed since Matt was missing. Kelly and Gabby hadn't slept all night, and they were at the firehouse for their shift. Chief Boden had explained to them that if they wanted to take a few days off after this story, they could but they had both insisted to be on shift. they had only one call for a banal accident in which there was a wounded women to get off her car, but she was only slightly injured. Hermann was replacing Casey, and suddenly, even if he did not want to, he had to take his office to do the reports and his bed to sleep. Around noon, a mailman passed, giving the envelops.

"There was also a letter near the entry for... Gabby and Kelly?"

Both of them turned and took the envelop.

"What is it?"

"I don't know, it was near the door. I just took it and brought it to you. But it wasn't us, there is no stamp. Someone brought it here".

The mailman left, and Gabby came to the common room with Kelly. They sat on a chair, looked at each other and Kelly nodded. They needed to open it. Gabby sighed deeply and opened the envelop. She took out a DVD box.

"What is it?"

"One way to know".

Kelly looked with insistance at the television, the one that Mouch watched all the time.

"Uh Mouch? Can we take the TV for a minute?"

"No problem, it's all yours".

He gave them the remove but didn't move. In fact, everyone was curious and looked with one eye what was happening. Gabby inserted the DVD, and it took a few seconds before being read. With the first image, all let out a cry of horror or closed their eyes. Or both at the time.

"I think we need to call Antonio".

Gabby let stream a few tears on her cheeks before nodding. She took her phone and she called her brother while looaking at the screen.

"Antonio? You have to come at the firehouse. Now".

She hung up soon after, not wanting to hear her brother answer. She wanted him to come, as soon as possible.

"Kelly, please... Stop it..."

Gabby collapsed on her knees and cried all her tears. Everyone still had this shaking hand on their lips. What they saw by curiosity was so much violent and unthinkable... Antonio arrived almost immediately, his district wasn't far to the firehouse.

"I came immediately. I knew it was bad when you hung up on me. So what is it?"

She turned to Kelly, closed her eyes and nodded.

"Go on".

Kelly lowered his eyes and turned the TV on. Antonio's face changed completely.

"Oh my God..."

On the screen appeared a man tied up with rope, arms in the air and shirtless. And he was hit mercilessly. He tried to fight at the beginning, but after several well placed hits, this man barely moved, his head down. He didn't interfere. And this man... It was Matt.

"Who filed it?"

"We don't know. T-the mailman told that... The envelop was near the entry door... And... And... I don't know..."

Gabby was out of her mind, totally disconnected, crying as never.

"I... I know that what I'm going to ask will be very difficult but... But I have to turn the sound".

Gabby stoop up and left the room. She didn't want to hear this. Kelly turned the sound and put the video from the beginning.

" _So Matt, tell me. I want this informations_ ".

" _You can... always cause. I won't tell you anything_ ".

The man who was torturing him took an iron bar and hit him a few times in his back. Everybody could hear him cry of pain with each hit.

" _Still nothing?_ "

" _Yeah.. My back is scratching. Couldn't you..._ "

The man feigned a smile and hit him with so much momentum that the iron bar twisted under the force of the hit.

" _I'll make you swallow your pride, Matt Casey_ ".

And this man continue to hit him, again and again. Until Matt didn't move at all. Kelly put the video on pause and looked at Antonio. He was also whocked by this violence.

"I... I will take the DVD and... And give it to Mouse so he can... He can get something".

Kelly got the disk out and gave it to Antonio. Nenoby had moved, everybody were paralyzed, frozen by what they saw, what they heard. Their lieutenant, their friend, their brother, had been tortured just under their eyes. Everyone were in shock. And this was just the first video they received...

 **End of flashback**

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

"I... I know it must have been hard for Matt... To ... To resist to all this, to endure this for four days. We saw all this, we have seen him being tortured physically, we have seen him being tortured mentally, but we don't know what happened between the videos. We only know that he was sexually abused, verbally and... Well, we just know that. And that Trish... I don't even want to think about it. It hurts me to try... To know what's in his head, but it must be even harder to think about it all the time, to have these images all the time and to have them again and again in your mind. I don't know what and how he did to hold on..."

Kelly was looking at me while I was crying, holding me into his arms, trying to comfort me.

"I... I think you know how he held up during these fours days. But I think you're denying it. It'ss this thing that helped him to hold on and makes him to uncomfortable with you. It's this thing that makes him so vulnerable. This thing that helped him to get out of this room after four days of torture, it's you. You and only you. He thought about you when he was tortured, he thought about you in the hardest moments of his life. And... On the other side, to endure the pain that lacerated him, he had to think about you, to thin about this pleasure to be with you, this pleasure he feels when you're around himn when you're near him... He changed this pain into a pleasure, so much strong that he just thought about you. He feels... guilty and shame about this, to have thought about you in these moments".

Kelly was again. I knew perfectly that what helped him to hold on all this time was his family, me. Because deep down, he still loved me. He wasn't the one who broke up. I did. He had done the first step, he proposed to me, he helped me to make my dream come true despite the low, and me... I broke up because of a damn argument. I asked him to blame me if I made a mistakes, so he did. And I hadn't supported it. I hurted him but despite all this, he still loved me, he still thought about me, even in these most difficult moments in his life.

"I need to talk to him. I need to talk to Matt. Now".

Kelly opened his mouth but said nothing. He just shook his head from up to down.

"He just had a dose of haldol so... He will be asleep for a few more hours according to Sonia".

"It's not a problem. I just want to be here when he'll wake up. And talk to him".

Kelly smiled at me and hugged me again. Yeah, I really needed to talk to him.

"Lets go".

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I had a headache again. There was too much noise in my head to concentrate on one. I just felt I had head slightly raised and someone was stroking my hair in a way that I was appreciating. Maybe that's why I was groaning and that's why this person was continuing to stroke my hair. I didn't know. But it was one of the most pleasant moments of these recent days. And then I came to think about it, what had happened earlier. This conversation, or rather this argument with Gabby. What she had said to me. Damn, she was really pregnant... Pregnant of me. That child was mine. I opened my eyes, the lights were on and dazzled me. I saw my hand over my eyes, hoping to hide the light. Someone turned off the light. Slowly, I opened my eyes again to see only a blur fog enveloping me.

"Sonia? He's waking up".

This voice... He knew it.

"Matt? Do you hear me?"

I signed yes, or at least hoped it. I felt toally disconnected.

"He really can't bear haldol uh?"

"He can't bear neuroleptics in general. His body doesn't support them. You don't have something to counter these effects?"

"Unfirtunately no, not here".

There was too much voice.

"I... I think we have to talk slowly and whisper".

This person stopped caressing through my hair and put a hand on my forehead.

"Matt?", this voice murmured. "Matt, open your eyes please".

I did, and the fact that the light was off made me feel better and less blurred. I knew who was caressing my head during all this time.

"Gabby..."

"Hey..."

I didn't know if it was this... This haldol or not, but she made me feel good. I felt something fall on my face. Something cold and wet. I looked at her and saw her cry. It broke my heart.

"Hey. Don't cry".

He lifted my hand to reach her cheek and wipe the tears and she stepped back.

"You don't have to do this. I know... I know it's hard for you".

If only Gabby knew everything...

"These past few days, where... You weren't here... We received some videos... From Jack and... And he hurt you and... And I felt bad for you... All this time to... To not talk to them to protect these girls... To protect me... Your family... You shouldn't have suffered like this if... If I had been here for you!"

Gabby blamed herself for what happened, even if she didn't do anything.

"It's not your fault. If you had been here,, with me in this apartment... Jack would have kill you. And... And wouldn't have supported it... And I would have killed myself for sure... Kowing you were alive... This was enough for me to stay alive... Jack knew it, he wouldn't have touched you, because he needed these informations. The torture was to keep them, but the pleasure was to know that you were alive".

Gabby, the woman I loved... She kept me alive. No matter how, she kept me alive during these days.

"When... When I was there, I kept telling myself that if I talked, I was a weight for him. Maybe he would have kept me to torture me again and again. If I talked, he would have killed you. And Kelly, eveybody. I was asking myself how to tell you I was still loving you. And that I don't want to let you get out of my life again... But, I know that since I came back... I rejected you again and again instad of loving you more".

"Hey... It's nothing. I think that evrybody would have reacted like you in such a situation. I don't blame you. But on the other side, I have to apologize. I didn't understand you despite the fact that I knew what had happened. I know how you're working and this makes me fell bad for you. And I continue with this argument... I blew it. So I apologize. I shouldn't have say that..."

I closed my eyes. She was right, but I didn't blame her either. I couldn't blame her. My stomach made a sound I never heard before.

"You're hungry uh?"

"I think so. But I don't want soup".

"I can do scrambled eggs again? Well, if you want..."

"Something else?"

"Uh... Mashed potatoes and meat? You tried meat?"

"At the hospital yeah. But it didn't pass".

"You want to try again? And if it didn't pass again, I'll take your part?"

I felt myself nod. She stood up but I grabbed her wrist. Cost of a slight fear, I let it go immediately.

"Sorry I... Sorry".

"Hey Matt..."

She sat near me again.

"Don't be sorry. It's nothing. I know you're scared, but you can touch me you know. You didn't want me to leave you?"

"No it's... You're really... Well... Pregnant?"

Gabby smiled slightly then shook her head. She waved at me to wait for her on the couch. She stood up and looked for something in her bag before coming back.

"Here".

She handed me a photo in black and white. I knew nothing about medicine, but I immediately recognized what it was. It represented a small mass, something in Gabby's belly, the woman I loved, that was growing inside of her. I shed a few tears, and tried to wipe them.

"So... So it's real? It's... He's really here?" I said pointing her stomach.

"Yes Matt! It's real! You're gonna be a dad!"

I couldn't hold my tears anymore.

"I wanted to tell you sooner but... In your shape, I couldn't. First at home when you... Then the hospital but you couldn't see me without crying and then you had the flu and... And I told you everything like this..."

A question was in my head.

"The others know?"

"The firehouse? I told them an hour before you. I took this same picture on the fridge. Hermann understood immediately".

"You didn it alone? The ultrasound?"

"Kelly was with me. It was pretty funny. The OB/GYN had thought that he was my boyfriend, then a sperm donor for my girlfirend and I".

I couldn't help but laugh. It was indeed funny.

"I will have an ultrasound in june 19th. Six weeks is too soon to run the tests etc, so when I will be on my tenth week, we'll do the tests. If... You wanna come... Come with me?"

I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say.

"Are you sure that... I can?"

"Matt, you're the father. It's logical to come. But if you don't want to, I'll understand".

"No. I'll come".

"I'll prepare the diner".

She stoop up and went to the kitchen. I was happy and sad at the same time. Sad besaud I was making her unhappy. Because of all this story... She couldn't live happily with me...


	21. 4 steps - RATED M!

Hello there! So here is the supra mega ultra huge giant chapter I talked about few chatpers ago. I'm pretty proud of this one, but I have to warm you: this chapter is RATED M! You will see when you will read this, but as I said I'm proud. I hope you will like it and let a review before goind back to your activities :)

 **SPECIAL THANK YOU to Sarrabr4 who corrected this chapter -except the flashbacks for some reason you'll understand-**

Enjoy!

* * *

It was almost 10pm, but this didn't seem like the case. Everyone could still see the sun dancing with the burning horizon, kissing the sky and the lake at the same time. The day was so hot, nobody wanted to go out of their house before 6pm. This was strange to see that in a big city like this was completely frozen by this amazing sun for a week now. This wasn't ever seen in the entire history of Chicago. And apparently, this was the same everywhere.

The sun was beginning to go down to let its place to the moon. After long hours of agony for the population, everyone could finally breathe comfortably, and enjoy the limited time of respite before the return of that burning sphere that consumed everything in its way. With this weather, he went out of his house, slightly dressed like so many others. He was wearing grey and black pants, a white shirt and brown shoes. In his right hand was a green and white hat, his left hand in his pocket. Hesitantly, he walked to the edge of the city, trying to make his way through the huge crowd littering the streets. Out of this human wave, he looked around him to see where he was. After some long and panicking minutes, he continued on his way. He seemed more reassured and his steps accelerated increasingly. He stopped at the lake, the place he liked so much and he thought about these days at its edge. He liked all of these days so much. With an almost sure step, he turned to it, to the lake, and walked, then stopped a few strides to the edge. He was attracted by the bluecolour of it. A little wind passed through his hair, letting them dance with it. He appreciated all this. He decided to sit, watching entire families move, couples, children wriggling, running and laughing. This made him smile a little. Just a little bit. And then he thought about what the woman he loved said to him and he cried. Little tears, then big and warm tears began to come down his cheeks, but didn't fall to the grass, dried by the sun that was still hot on the horizon. He watched his hand, the cut he did to himself without realizing it, while he had fever and was delirious. But just thinking about his present life, his cries increased. Why was life so hard on him ? Why hadn't he died there, that day when they came to bring him back to his family? He depended of his friends because he couldn't do a thing by himself without ruin everything. Always guarded, always pampered, again and again. Never alone like he wanted to be, like he wished to be. There was always someone to stop him to do this or that. ''No you shouldn't do this'', or ''no you wouldn't do that''. He couldn't tell them he wanted to be alone. He was just tired of it. Tired of his entire life, his new life. He wasn't the same anymore, and nobody was the same with him either. Everything changed now. The only thing that didn't change, and it comforted him, was this awesome lake...

* * *

 **Flashbabk, external POV (few minutes ago)**

She fell asleep on the couch, near the man she loved. He authorized her to do it despite his fear he could have. She saw he was scared to death, he was terrorized by that idea, but he wanted to make her happy, make the woman he loved happy and he took it upon himself to do it. Just touching her made him have a huge thrill. Not a thrill he liked, a thrill of panic. But he wanted to stay with her, and with this unborn baby who was growing too. After eating a little, they sat on the couch. He wanted so much to touch her belly, to feel that this baby was real, feeling he was indeed in her belly. But he was scared, so scared this was just an illusion. For half an hour, he only watched her belly.

''You... You can touch if you want. I know you want to do it.''

He stared her in the eyes and she lowered her head then, a sign for him that he could do it for real. Slightly, with a trembling hand, he first put his fingers on it, then his hand. Her belly was warm, in contrast with his frozen hand. The sun came between them, enlightening the room and this frozen hand laying down her warm belly. She loved this and she smiled. She wanted to touch him, but she didn't want to scare him. For nothing in this world she wanted to end this pure moment. For nothing in this world... So she didn't move, just her breathing came to interrupt it. And then, the man she loved was sleeping on her, a hand in her belly, a slight smile in his lips. She fell asleep just after him.

 **End of flashback**

* * *

Four steps. He got up and looked at the mixing of blue and orange : blue for the lake, orange for the cloudless sky. The wind passed through his hair again, his cheeks and his forehead. He liked it here, on the edge of the lake. Letting the sky take him, he thought about his life and his family that he couldn't protect, his broken family.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

Matt was thirteen. He was living with his mother since she divorced to Matt's dad. His older sister was on the other side of the country for her studies, so he was alone at home and she couldn't know what was hapening at home. For many years, their dad hit their mother. Christie was doing nothing apart crying and trying to comfort her little brother. But when Matt began to understand what was hapening, at the age of ten, he began to come between his dad and his mom. Quickly, the violence his mother was overgoing was reoriented toward Matt. His father hit him, humiliated him as never he had been before. Physically, mentally. Being in front of someone with so much hatred made him sick, but he hold up. For his mother. He had to be strong to protect his mother despite his young age. And soon, he turned his dream to firefighting. This day he decided this, his father laughed in his face, telling him it was for strong male, and he was just the weakest kid. Matt wanted so much to show his father he was wrong, so he trained hard. Very hard. Until exhaustion, until end up in hospital. But being here, in this hospital bed was too much humiliation. According to his father, he was so weak that the slighest effort and he found himself in hospital. So his mother decided to protect her children against their father, who became unhealthy for everyone, and she filed to divorce. The father accepted to take Matt for the week-ends and some afternoon after school. This lasted three years. Until the day his father pronounced the extra word. When he came home, to his mother, he let his keys on the buffet and went to his bedroom. And she had a phone call from her ex-husband, telling her Matt will never be someone, he will ever be useless and his dream to become a firefighter was unrealistic. He was a nobody. She saw all the progress he made to live his dream, she saw he was training hard physically and mentally to become a firefighter. She wanted to protect his son, whatever the price was. So she grabbed the keys of her son, took the gun, and went to kill her ex-husband, the father of her children. When she came home, she was covered by blood, and Matt found her like this on the couch, the gun and the keys on hand. He quickly understood what she had done. He understood his life had been destroyed.

 **End of flashback**

* * *

Three steps. He heard someone calling him from far away. Calling him with so much strength and distress... But he was determined. The blue water was also calling him. With more strength, more sensibility and envy. He thought about what he missed, what he ruined, what he lost. Or rather who he lost, his brother, his first love, his past life.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

Matt was twenty-six, and this was his seventh year as a firefighter. He made his mom proud, even if he didn't talk with her very often. One day, he hurt himself on duty and had to go to Lakeshore. And he met Hallie in the ER. And then they were always together, seeing each other on and off shift, they found a place together, they get engaged. And again, his world had been destroyed. In november 2012, when his brother died in the line of duty. He and Andy were on the aerial to go on the first floor by the window while Kelly and his squad checked the main floor and were going to vent. But they didn't and Andy broke the window and went in the house. There was a huge blowback, and Andy died just in front of him while Kelly broke a cervical without knowing it. His brother died in front of him... And less than a year later, Hallie died in a fire in which he was called with the entire firehouse 51. After all this, he said he was fine, and everybody seemed convinced, including him. Mais he wasn't fine at all. Hallie's death was the straw that broke the camel. In less than a year, he lost two of his most precious people in his eyes.

 **End of flashback**

* * *

Two steps. The voice became stronger, desperate even. Somewhere, he told himself he knew that voice but he didn't care. All this blue hypnotized him. He closed his eyes, trying to remember that voice. Trying to escape to these bad memories of these infernal days he passed in this room. Desperately trying to remove the image of these four men ready for anything, every vices, every beats to get the information he had.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

The day began as usual by a torture session. It was a ritual now. A bucket full of cold water, he was tied in the back with barbed wire, lying on his stomach, on a board about three feets above the ground. At the beginning, he fought them, he talked to curse them or to be sarcarstic. But the more time passed, the less he talked. He didn't have the strengh to do it anymore. Before, he used this kind of torture to drink some water, but now... Even swallowing was painful. His throat was on fire, his stomach was grumbling kile hell, he was tired. This time, they were three. Oleg, Jack and someone he had never met.

"Matt? Meet Yuri. He is the one who will take care of you today."

Take care of him? What was he talking about? Jack taped the shoulder of Yuri and made him come toward Matt.

"I offer you a deal Matt: either you give me the information I want, or I will find your little gorgeous girlfriend and hurt or kill her and your family of firefoghters..."

Matt opened his eyes because of the sound of a zip. What he saw disgusted him: this man he didn't know had lowered his pants and his underwear. He was totally naked... and with an erection.

"Or you open your mouth."

Disgust and fear invaded him. Three choices then: talking, letting Jack kill Gabby and the people close to him, or letting this man torture him. Deep down, a voice kept telling him he didn't have a choice. A voice he knew and he trusted. It kept telling him to not give up, not give up hope to be found. He closed his eyes, not thinking about what he was going to do, but thinking about what he was going not to do. He lifted his head. The smell of this... Thing made him want to vomit. Never in his life he would have thought to live this one day. This disgusted him. But he was ready to do everything to protect his family and the one he loved. Eyes still closed, he opened his mouth.

"So you made your choice? You prefer to have this in your mouth and your ass than to say a word to me? You prefer to protect your family and to be tortured?"

Matt was determined. He opened his eyes and faced his captors, showing them he wasn't afraid. They could try everything against him, he wouldn't say a word. Oleg signed to Yuri, that he could begin. He grabbed Matt's hair with a firm hand, and with the other he grabbed his chin. He has cold hands, frozen hands.

"I warn you: you bite me and you can say goodbye to your girlfriend."

Matt swallowed his saliva, reopened his mouth and waited. His stomach tightened, knotted, his heart beated faster, his breathing was faster too. He waited his time coming. And slowly, this thing that was repulsing him came to his lips, then to his teeth, to his tongue. It was cold, strong, awful. He was asking himself how women could like it. He closed his eyes, let him touch his skin, let him torture him. This thing rushed deeper, slowly, was approaching his glottis. Now he was breathing through his nose, but even like this, breathing was diffilcult. He felt something stir inside his mouth, like a tickling. He felt stifling because he was holding his breath. This thing kept going, playing with his glottis, even go deeper. He felt tears rising to his eyes and he held them as he could. This thing went out for a moment. He could finally breathe, but he didn't open his eyes.

"And now? You still don't want to talk to me?"

he wanted so much to scream at them to go to hell, but holding his urge to puke was taking all his strengh and his attention.

"Yuri? Please continue."

He returned to his lips, to his teeth, to his tongue, to his glottis. But this time he went deeper. The urge to vomit was higher. The up-and-comings made him cough, salivate. This time, he felt another part of the body of his torturer on his lips and his nose. He could feel his lower belly. This man was a sick man. And this thing... It was too big for him. He felt something hot coming up from his stomach to his throat, pass his glottis and coming out his mouth. It was disgusting, and Yuri went out his hard member imemediately. This made Matt cough betwen the inhalations he was trying to take.

"Yuri? Wait a minute."

His eyes still closed. He felt his head fall. He had stopped to hold it.

"Oleg, are you sure it's his first time? Because your toy is talented!"

A toy? Matt shivered. This was what he had become after hours and hours of torture. A toy. Jus a thing.

"Do you think you can try something else later?"

"Yeah, sure... Maybe later yes. When he will be ready."

Matt opened his eyes, his mouth was still slightly half open so he could breathe. He looked at the ground, at the bime which had just come out his mouth.

" You didn't feed him as I see..."

"Why?

"He will suffer Oleg."

"Not a big deal. That's what it's called torture Yuri."

He felt the hand of Yuri grip his hair, the othernunder his chin again. He forced himfelf to keep his mouth close, but this awful thing forced him to reopen it. It made the same route for the third time, but this time, these up-and-comings was much more faster. Matt held his breath again, he closed his eyes, frowned and felt himself cry. I was seeing the face of Gabby, the face of his brother Kelly, the face of all his friends, his family. Of his big family. He couln't betray them. Not like this. He didn't have the right. Even if this time, I thought he will burst, he couldn't endanger them. The up-and-comings continued to accelerate, his breathing was still cut off, and suddenly, everything stopped. This thing he hated to much was deep down his throat, he felt it move, he heard Yuri emitting a cry of joy and intense pleasure. Then came a horribly salty taste to his buds. It was hot, salty, horrible, humiliating. Matt was no longer able to describe what he was feeling in this moment. He didn't know if it was disgust, humiliation, shame, hatred. This forced himself to swallow the whitish substance before Yuri came out his mouth. He coughed, spatted, vomitted. He was crying in silence. He heard this awful man put his clothes back in place. Then he tapped the head of Matt and put himself at the height of his face.

"If you are wise, next time we'll try something else."

The worse of it, he said this to him with a huge smile. Oleg came to take away the barbed wire around his wrists and left him on the board. It was the extra torture, the extra humiliation. This could not last...

 **End of flashback**

* * *

One step. It was almost done. Finally the freedom, soon. But the voice came closer, more lost, stronger. He could feel it this time, the person with the voice was crying. His body shivered at the sound of the voice, a voice that was calling him but still didn't envelop him. His eyes were still closed. He was thinking about the words. These painful words she pronounced, these hurting words he kept deep down inside. Words from the woman he loved.

* * *

 **Flashback, external POV**

He looked at this plate, its content. Scrambled eggs and French toast. Kelly was near him and didn't move an inch, but he seemed to be worried.

"You still have enough energy to stay conscious a few more minutes?"

"I think so. You... You need me for something?"

"Actually... We would like to talk to you five minutes."

"We?"

"Gabby and me."

He clenched his fists to that name. He was still struggling to know her close to him.

"What? What it is?"

He began to be on the defensive again. Each time the conversation was turning around Gabby, he remade the same gestures: clenched fists, the gnashing of teeth, eyes full of rage.

"Nothing We... We just want to talk to you."

He tried to stay calm. Deep down, he loved Gabby to death, but the lastest events had a bit traumtized him.

"Okay."

Kelly turned to Gabby, who was in the kitchen. She had heard the whole conversation. He signned her to come near them. She dropped her towel, and sat close to Matt. Within a week, she had never approached him so close, to what he remembered. Matt avoided the gaze of Gabby, feeling uncomfortable to his side. He heard her taking a deep breath and felt she was taking his hand.

"When... You disapeared, I-"

"Don't!"

Matt removed his hand, tried to get up, but still too weak to do it too fast, he almost immediately fell back on the couch. Soon after, he put his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

"I... Don't want to hear it!"

He felt that his head was going to explode. Lots of memories went back, memories he had tried to bury deep down him.

"Matt I-"

"NO! Please, no! Leave me, please!"

This time, Matt was crying. On the couch, in front of the most important people for him. He didn't see that Gabby was also crying, she was also clenching her fists. She rose abruptly.

"You know what? I will tell you, even if you don't want to hear it!"

Matt put immediately his hands over his ears, even if he knew it would be useless.

"When you disapeared, I found Katya's Body in the kitchen. I tried CPR, even if I knew she was already dead! I wanted to talk to you! And now, you don't want to face me! I don't know what I've done, but here what I wanted to tell you this night! Do you remember when I said my system was down when we left our shift? Do you remember? I discovered later that I was pregnant! I am pregnant, and it's yours Matt! But I think I can handle this without your help! I'm tired of all this! I'm tired about hearing Kelly telling me it's because you're damage and you need time! I'm sick of it! I wanted you because of this child! But don't worry, it will be fine! I'm done!"

Those words, those words she had pronounced that day had destroyed him. A child he wanted so much, the greatest wish he had in the world, had escaped him because of all this history.

 **End of flashback**

* * *

No more steps. A foot set in the void, a foot standing on the ground. The voice resonated now in his head. It was close, so close that he wanted to reopen his eyes. The voice enveloped him, the voice had arms. Arms so soft and so warm. Arms that pushed him violently on the ground. The voice had a head, a head on which he could feel tears. Tears coming down its cheeks, then falling on his own cheeks. The voice had a body, small and as warm as the rest. A trembling body that was raising and falling on him rapidly. The voice had a heart, a heart beating a hundred miles per hour. A heart that could explode at any minute, any second. And the voice had hands. Hands as soft and as warm as its arms. Hands were shaking him, hitting him slightly on his cheeks. He opened his eyes, and saw that the voice had a face. A wonderful face with redish eyes full of desperation, full of sadness and fear. Lips were shaking like never before. A frowned forehead he loved much more than this lake. And suddenly, the body encircled him. The body cried all its tears, it continued to call him, the body was beginning to hypnotize him, the body had won. He stayed there, looking at the orange sky burning, burning at the same time as her, at the same time as the woman he loved. He finally understood what was keeping him here. It was her. The woman he loved and who was carrying their child. The product of their love.

* * *

I really hope you liked this one and pleaaase let me a review so I can know if you liked it or not


	22. You have to fight

Hey there! I know it took me a while to translate but I had a lot of work these last few days so I couldn't translate. But here we go!

I hope you're still liking this story and you will let some reviews.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Two days later...**

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I was perfectly aware that Matt needed to externalize all his feelings from these recent days. Orlovsky had tried to make him get them all without any success. He was even out of ideas. Everything was overwhelming us. But I had an idea and I wanted to have his approval. So I went to see Orlovsky between two of his sessions.

"Chaplain Orlovsky?"

"Kelly! I didn't have a session with Matt today right?"

"Uh no. Actually I wanted to talk about Matt. It won't be long. This is an idea I had and I need to know if it will help him. To get better".

He wasn't necessarily happy, but he closed his eyes and turned his head toward a patient.

"It doesn't bother you if I take five minutes of your appointment?"

"If it helps you, no".

"Thank you".

Immediately after, he sognied to me to go into the office and sit down.

"Good. What is this idea?"

He sat down and took a cup of coffee.

"As a firefighter, we have exercises outside our work. Gym, bowing... And... When I wasn't good, I boxed to relax. I think it can somehow help Matt with his feelings. Especially his anger".

"He is angry?"

"You... Well, you're the shrink, sort of, I thought you had guessed".

"I know that in such a situation, we have the right to be angry, but your friend never showed an ounce of anger during our appointment. Although I don't have the right to give you details, confidentiality, but he has not say a word in this office".

"I see. In this case, I can tell you that he is angry. Because what he experienced, you don't even know 1% of his story. I don't know everything myself, and I discover some sotries every day. Some days ago, I caught him with a piece of glass in his hand, but he did nothing. Apart from the strong shake and therefore cut his hand deeply. I saw that he was angry against himself. Because he had to let himself go, and... Well it's complicated. I think it would be better if it was the one who says this to you. But I think a boxing session could help".

"To not let himself go then..."

"It's the idea".

I sighed. I could see in his eyes that was between two sides, the idea to make him feel violent.

"I'm not 100% sure, but you can try a session to see if this helps a little. And you come back to me after this to give me your impressions, right?"

"No problem".

I smiled. He didn't totally agree, but I was going to be fixed.

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

Kelly had come back home a few minutes ago and asked me to get dressed. I didn't want to get out, but he insisted, so I didn't fight. He was there for me, and if he wanted to take me out, it had to be for a good reason. My injured hand bothered me a little but it was not very serious. He loaded two large bags in the car while I finished to get dressed.

"Come on Matt".

"Almost done".

I actually finished. I was mentally preparing myself just to go out. It was a little hard for me to do this.

"Matt?"

I jumped when I heard a knock-knock on the door and Kelly's voice.

"Sorry, but we really have to get out".

I smiled slightly and went out with him to get in the car. The road was not very long, but I felt like I know the place.

"Kelly..."

"I know Matt, I know. But you need to let go off a little. While regaining the strength to come back at 51. So we're going down the car, prepare our bodies in the locker room and join the ring".

I couldn't say anything. But I agreed. Kelly had a good idea, but I don't know if I really wanted it. The preparation took longer than usual because of my hand, but according to Kelly, Bennett had allowed me to box under certain conditions: if I felt my hand hurt, I had to stop immediately. This was according to him, but I don't know if it was true or not, and I didn't care. There was nobody in the training room. Except the boss, who taught us to box. It was the ''official'' firefighters from 51 coach.

"Kelly!"

"Kurt! Thank you for all this. I know I warned you at the last minute, but this really had to be done as soon as possible".

"No problem ! I was off today, but it gave me an excuse to not fight with my wife!"

Kelly talked with Kurt while I inspected the area, as usual. Then they came to me.

"Well, Kelly said you had to get your feelings out. I have an idea for you, and I hope you'll like it. Come into the ring with me please".

I didn't know what idea they had, but knowing Kurt and Kelly, I wasn't going to be disappointed.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV, at the same time**

I had to talk to Kurt before Matt can't do any exercise. I tapped his arm, wanting him to understand that I wanted to talk to him in private, and he followed me.

"What is it Kelly?"

"Listen, Matt lived a hell these past few days, and I would like it to externalize all these feelings".

"A hell like?"

I didn't wanted to tell him what he had endured.

"You... Do you remember that ten days ago, a firefighter was kidnapped and found after four days?"

"Yeah... Vaguely".

"Matt is this firefighter. I won't go into details, but he needs to unwind and feel free again".

"I have to expect to be beaten?"

"If he has a lot on his mind, yes. He already beated you once, so why not twice!"

"Kelly... I ask to find out what training I can give him. If he isn't able to box against me, then I can't work properly".

Damn... I took a deep breath.

"Matt had to renovate one of the strip clubs of a former firefighter of Chicago. Cops took the opportunity to make him work undercover and get information about a human trafficking led by this men. He was caught. During four days, he was tortured by this crazy son of a b*****. And his only way to stay alive was to let himself go".

"God.. I see, so... You want me to help him externalize his feeling by boxing?"

"If you can, you'll be my genius".

Kurt sighed and crossed his arms.

"I have better than boxe for this. Follow me".

"Uh, Kurt? Don't be so... Strong with him. It'll only make things worse".

"Understood".

We approached Matt.

"Well, Kelly said you had to get your feelings out. I have an idea for you, and I hope you'll like it. Come into the ring with me please".

Matt followed Kurt into the ring and I stayed on one side.

"I'm not going to make you boxe today. I'll teach you another sport. But first I want to know if you're following me before continuing".

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

Another sport? I had struggled to learn how to box, it wasn't to learn another sport. But if we had stepped into the ring, it meant that it looked like boxing. No more thinking, Kelly took me here, so it was to help me feel better. I nodded.

"Very good! This sport I hope you know it, it's kickboxing".

I knew this sport, but in name only.

"In name".

"It's a good start. This is somehow a sort of boxing. Some say it'ss American, other Japanese. I say it's both. Anyway. The fact that you know how to boxe will help me to teach you more easily this sport".

I agreed that I was a little scared. I didn't feel good at all. It was not my hunting ground.

"Don't worry Matt, it's okay".

Kelly encouraged me. Kurt took the boxing pillows.

"You know boxing punches, and that's already a great start because they are the same in this sport. To simplify, we add kicks and knees, they are just more regulated. It's good for now?"

"Yes".

"Good. Each shot, whether kicks, knees and punches are allowed at all three levels. It's okay?"

"Yes".

"Not very talkative uh!"

I offered him a slight smile. It wasn't the fact I didn't want to talk, it was the fact that I was afraid. It was stronger than me.

"Don't worry, I'll train you. It will come. So when I say fist, you give punches when I say foot, you'll kick, knee and you'll strike. If I really want to be specific, when I'llthink you have the basics, I can say other words, but in this case I will explain them to you".

"Be careful with your right hand, Matt".

I nodded. I knew I had to be careful to not reopen the wound.

"I'll show you the moves and when I'll tell you, you set them out, okay?"

"Okay".

I set up next to him while performing the movements. I tried to reproduce them, but I was really scared.

"Matt".

Kelly came to the ring and faced me.

"Here, you have nothing to fear about. We are alone, and no one can go inside okay? Trust me, okay?"

I closed my eyes. I trusted Kelly, but it was stronger than me. After all he had done to me, I owed him that much. So I moved my head to tell him that I agreed with him. He smiled and lightly tapped my shoulder.

"We can continue?"

"Yes".

I focussed again. I was ready.

* * *

 **Kelly's POV**

I was a little worried about Matt. But the fact that he wanted to try this method said everything: he trusted me. The opposite would have really hurted me. But seeing him on the ring, listening Kurt, letting him approach him without a panic wave, reproducing his movements... That made me happy and smile. Kurt remained a statue, and continued to perform all the movements while Matt reproduced them. I knew Kurt well, long before Matt knew him by the firefighters Academy. Sometimes I came here to boxe before the academy, and Kurt was already there. He was the son of the former owner and we trained together. Kurt was rarely impassive. Generally, this meant that he was impressed.

"Okay Matt! You're impressing me I must say! I would like to try something... More energic".

Matt inhaled, but didn't exhale. My first action was to go to him and lightly grip his right arm.

"Matt, breathe Matt. Listen to me! Breathe!"

I took his wrist to take his pulse. It was fast. He still didn't exhale.

"Matt, listen to me".

He fell to the ground, breathed, and let some tears escape his eyes. I understood. I knew Matt better than anyone.

"That's... That's word Matt, isn't it?"

He took his time, but nodded. Kurt looked at me strangely.

"This is... The word ''aggressive'' is blocking him. Matt, look at me please. Kurt meant a slightly more challenging training".

Matt's eyes were wet with tears still streaming down his cheeks and falling to the ground. He closed his eyes.

"I... I know. It was stronger than me".

"Your body and your brain are still reacting to all this. That's why I had thought to take you here. Help you overcome these past few days and start your life again. I wanted to help you to externalize your feelings on the ring. It might be a bad idea".

"No!"

I jumped.

"I mean... I want to try. When... Hallie died, I came to boxe several times... And kicking a punching bag made me feel better. It helped me a little to forget. I want to try".

Matt was determined. And I could not stop him. He stood up, wiped the tears that were still on his face and began next to Kurt.

"Like I said, I wanted to move to the next phase of our training. You're still with me?"

Matt nodded. He wanted to do that. To feel better.


	23. Be free

Hello hello! I didn't update in a while, so here is a new chapter! I'm sorry for the long waiting!

Please let me know what you think about this chapter!

* * *

 **External POV**

"Foot... Fist... Knee... Great job Matt, we get there!"

Matt was sweating, and Kurt too. He was bowing as ever, the more they advanced in the session, the more Matt's strikes gained in precision and power, so Kurt had to exhale on every strike he threw to him. He was determined, he wasn't the same man. He was focused on what he did, and he loved it. This allowed him to evacuate all the anger he had inside himself, and it was working. The more Matt hit the bags, the more he hit with power, the more it hurt, the more he felt better. At every hit he was threwing, Kurt's face faded. And Jack Nesbitt's face took his place. With each blow, he told Matt that he had no way to get away from him, no way to fight. But this time, Matt was free to move, Matt could defend himself. Kelly had almost immediately saw that something was off with Matt. The hits he was threwing weren't only a stress relief. There was rage in them. Certainly fear, but above all rage.

"Matt?"

But Matt wasn't listening. Matt wasn't listening anymore. He wasn't himself anymore. He thought of all that happenef, of every hit he had received without even saying a word, without even flinching or screaming or crying. He stood there, motionless receiving hits, stronger and stronger, ever more violent, ever more... Secret. He remained motionless like a robot, he watched the men take pleasure in hitting him, torturing him, humiliating him, bound with barbed wire and almost suspended in space thread. He suffered like hell, but didn't say a word. He suffered. For her. For Gabby. To keep her alive.

"Matt!"

Matt was still not listening. The hits were so violent that Kurt, despite all his experience wasn't the weight. And Matt shouted with rage. Kelly tried to rush into the ring to help Kurt retain Matt, but it didn't work. All he had won was to receive such a violent blow that his jaw was dislocated. Matt was in a full delirium crisis. He relived his experiences, but this time, he was free. And Kelly knew what it meant. If he saw Nesbitt instead of Kurt, so he was going to kill Kurt, no matter how. We had to find a way to stop him, and the only thing Kelly had in mind wasn't very good. He grabbed his phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Kelly! Everything is fine?"

"Dman Antonio, you have to come right now into the boxing ring, at Kurt's! It urges!"

"What? What is happening?"

"It's Matt! I took him here to break free a little, but he became crazy. I think he has flashbacks, and Kurt can't contain him! He dislocated my jaw and he may not be shut down before killing Kurt unintentionally! You have to come! NOW!"

"I'm here in two minutes".

Kelly hung up, still holding his aching jaw and walked to the ring.

"Kurt! Antonio is here in two minutes!"

"I won't hold him for two minutes alone!"

Kelly looked panicked around him and despite the fear of being hit again, he went back into the ring to face Matt. He saw in his eyes that he wasn't there. There was the rage of killing. In Matt's head, it wasn't that Kelly had appeared. It was Oleg. The man who had tortured him in a unique way so he felt like throwing up. But this urge was much weaker than the resentment he had towards him. In a cry of anger, he rushed on him, on the man he thought was Oleg, while it was Kelly.

"Matt! Stop! STOP!"

Matt's hand made him increasingly suffer, it was more and more tense. But he completely didn't care. The men who had made him suffer so much were in front of him, and he didn't seize such an opportunity to kill them with his own hands. Then he continued to hit. Until Nesbitt was on the ground, completely knocked out, and see the fear in Oleg's eyes. And he went on, and on, until he was on the ground, on him, freeing his hits on his face.

"Matt!"

Antonio had arrived. But his first reaction was to stand still. For one of the first times, fear had invaded him. He had no gloves, and had to face a man, his brother-in-law, while he was delirious. Kelly had also had time to call Sonia who was still at the apartment with Gabby, and she came too. She had a syringe in her hand, which she handed to Antonio.

"You must inject this. It's haldol. It will end his delirium and he will fall asleep. But be careful, the state in which he is, he could knock you out".

"I know, but I have no choice".

He grabbed the syringe and went also into the ring. Matt looked up, and saw one of Oleg's henchmen. The one who held him during their ''torture'' sessions as they called them. His clenched fist, he got up and rushed toward him. But pain seized his neck. Antonio had just planted the syringe into the carotid and had emptied it. Matt saw the faces fade again, he lost all his strength. And after a few seconds, he realized what he had really done: Kurt was totally knocked out in the ring, with blood around his mouth, Kelly was also on the ground, holding his jaw and blood on his face, his hand is hurting him terribly, and in front of him, a frightened Antonio as ever.

"What did I do..."

Matt fell to his knees and then collapsed on the ground. The tranquilizer had finally taken effect. Sonia ran to check that everyone was fine, which was almost the case.

* * *

 **Severide's POV, two hours later...**

My jaw still ached, though Sonia had made her way to get it back in place. She told me that the pain would disappear by itself in a few days and that I should expect to have a hematoma. But it would be hidden by many others, those left by Matt. My right cheek was swollen with a small cut that Bennett had cured and cleaned, and my brow was sutured now. But I didn't blame to Matt, I blamed myself. It was me who took him there to externalize everything, and with this externalization, he had this hallucination. Kurt had regained consciousness a few minutes after Matt was also knocked out. He had blood on his lips and a broken nose and a serious bump on his forehead. As for Matt, his hand was slightly reopened, and Bennett had sutured it again and bandaged his hand, but had no other injuries. With Kurt and Antonio, we didn't want to hurt him. That would have changed nothing. We managed to bring him back home and lie him on the couch, while Gabby prepared dinner. Bennett took advantage of this moment to take Matt's vitals, and all was well despite a slight residual tachycardia. I looked himcarefully, rubbing my jaw. He was so vulnerable, so... There were no words, no words anymore to describe him. But I never saw him as vulnerable. Not even after the death of Hallie. Not even after his head injury or the death of Andy. It was not him.

"How long before he wakes up?" I asked Sonia.

"I gave a syringe with a very low dose of haldol to Antonio. Enough to stop his delirium and sleep for a while but not enough for him to have the most adverse effects. We know that it's hard to bear this drug for him but it's the only tranquilizer that acts on him. In a few minutes he should wake up".

I sat on the bed, I really blamed myself to have had this idea. And Sonia felt in her heart that I blamed myself, I could see it.

"I think you had a great idea Kelly", she finally said. "Even though it ended badly, we can see things from a different angle: it allowed him to externalize".

To externalize... He would rather use a punching bag rather than his best friend, but Sonia wasn't wrong. Matt has really let off steam on this one. And saw how he let off steam, he was still hiding a lot of things inside of him, many things that we still didn't know. And he probably never would reveal. It was Matt after all. No surprisingly, Matt began to gesticulate on the bed

"He is waking up".

I got closer, calling him.

* * *

 **Casey's POV**

I had quite a headache, this headache that almost never left me. I felt moving, but I felt almost nothing. All I knew was that I was lying on something very comfortable and warm, and I felt like someone had hit me everywhere, on every part of my body. My hand threw me waves of pain, like... As if the wound had reopened. I tried to think back to all that had happened. I remembered going to the boxing gym with Kelly and I was terrified. But then I had seen the faces of... Of those bastards. And then... Then I didn't remember.

"Matt?"

Kelly? That's it, the images came back to me: everything I did, the ones I had hit, the whole kick-boxing things. Everything. I hit Kelly, I hit Kurt. Just because I thought they were other people. Other people that I hated and couldn't see in painting. I was ashamed. So ashamed of what had happened in the gym. How I could do it, to make my best friend suffer?

"Matt, don't cry".

I was crying? I was really crying? Fingers came in my cheeks, gently. I didn't know why. I recognized those fingers. It was Kelly's. He was still there? After what I had just done to him?

"It's over. It's over now".

His voice was very soft, reassuring. Why was he like that? Kelly was never like that. I opened my eyes slowly. I was afraid of having a blurred vision, like every time someone injected into me something to calm me down. I looked at Kelly. His face was slightly blued at his jaw. I remembered hitting someone to dislocate his jaw. It was Kelly?

"I'm sorry...", I finally said.

But Kelly shook his head vigorously from side to side.

" No. No, it's me. I made you endured that and... And that led to all this. It was a bad idea".

This time it was for me to face him.

"No. I needed that. To... To face them and ... and fight".

"To... To face them?" Kelly wondered. "But there were just Kurt and I, and then Antonio..."

But he immediately understood what I meant. I read it in his eyes.

"Ah... We were them, right? That's why you... You hit so hard?"

Kelly ran his hand over his jaw and winced a little. I really hurt him.

"I am sorry..."

"Dont be".

I looked him carefully. He didn't blame me. How could he not be angry at me? I closed my eyes and sighed. I understood nothing anymore.

* * *

 **Sonia's POV**

Matt seemed sad and lost. He was crying, but every time a tear ran down his cheeks, Kelly wiped it. He couldn't see him cry. I didn't either. But I was a nurse who wanted to help. What could I do?

"Matt? No side effects this time?"

I didn't know why I said that. It was probably the worst thing to say, but I had to. I saw him open his eyes, quietly resting his gaze on me. I smiled, a smile nurse. A fake smile. I felt bad for him, I could cry for him, for what he was enduring, for what he had endured. But I had no right. Not in front of him. Not in front of them.

"Just... A slight headache but I'm fine. Better than the last time..."

This time, I managed to smile for real.

"It seems that we have found the right dose of haldol, if something similar happens again".

Another thing to not say. I had the gift to do that. But at least he smiled.

"At least good news then".

Gabby came softly. She probably wouldn't scare Matt. She smiled.

"Dinner is ready".

"You feel ready to get up?" Kelly asked.

"I think so".

Kelly helped him to straighten, then get up. But Matt seemed a little dizzy. He sat down again almost immediately on the couch, closing his eyes and swallowing his saliva.

"You feel dizzy? Nauseous?"

No one spoke for a minute, the time for Matt to answer the question. He seemed to struggle.

"A little. But it will pass, I stood up too fast".

Soon after, we sat around the table to eat. Gabby had made one of his Dominican recipes which she had the secret. I loved her recipes. But I had to go home. For my family.

"I'm sorry, but I must go home. I know I promised to watch over Matt here, but... But I also have a family and... And I miss my husband and my daughter terribly".

"Oh... Don't apologize Sonia", Kelly assured with a smile. "We'll look after Matt, don't worry. And tomorrow Dr. Riley will be there so that's good".

They all seemed to understand the situation. At least I hoped. I couldn't really take care of Matt all the time when I was the chief nurses of ICU and I had a family to manage.

"I'll walk you".

Gabby stood up and walked me to the door.

"Once again I'm sorry", I repeated.

"There is no need to say. It's us. We asked you outside the hospital while you have a family life. Thank you for watching over Matt then you would have refused".

"I did my job Gabby. Really. And... And if I can help Matt again, you have my number".

I was sincere. I really wanted to help Matt to get better. How could he have passed through this hell alone? Above all, how could he have held on this hell?


	24. Meet buddy

Hello everyone! After about a month without an update, I decided to share this chapter. It's a little short but I think you will like. And I added some things in brackets (because there are some french discussions in there so I translated it for you :D)

Enjoy this chapter, and sorry for this short one!

* * *

 **Three weeks later...**

* * *

 **Matt's POV**

I was anxious. Today, Gabby and I had to go to Chicago Med to do the second ultrasound. I was very nervous about this. It will be the first time I'll see this little buddy. During a month, I tried to let Gabby around me, let her touch me without panicking. And I tried to touch her as well. I knew it will be difficult for us, but she always said we'll figure this out and get through this hell. And I was glad about it. I could see I was trembling on the chair, sitting next to the woman I loved. She gently and carefully placed her hand on mine.

"Hey. This is going to be fine. I'm sure".

"I... I don't know this... Doctor Alerson?"

"Oh, don't worry. I saw her only once, but I think she's good. And funny. And from Belgium".

"Ah... And the fact she is Belgian changes everything?"

"Yeah! I speak French, and I remember you too. She'll be glad if we speak in her language with her. Don't you agree?"

"Uh, Gabby? I'm not really good in French, you know. I wasn't a good pupil at school".

"Then... I will translate what she'll say if you don't understand".

She smiled and I returned her smile.

"Mrs. Dawson?"

We startled and she turned to this voice.

"yeah".

She turned toward me and smile again.

"It's our time Matt".

I nodded and stood up, her hand on mine and we went to the doctor's office. She signed us to sit on the chairs as she sat on hers.

"Good Morning, how are you doing today?"

"Well... Still sick the morning but other than that I'm good thanks".

She was looking at me with insistance. I wasn't really good at all about this. I felt Gabby grab my wrist and signed to me to turn my head to her. I did.

"Don't worry okay? She just doesn't know you".

I knew that. But her look... I didn't like that.

"It's because you're looking at him with this stare doc. He doesn't feel well with this".

"Oh, sorry. I didn't want you to feel bad".

I closed my eyes and turned my head to the doctor, then opened them again.

"No, it's okay".

"So I presume you're the dad this time?"

I completely forgot this: Kelly was with Gabby to the first appointment.

"Yes. I'm the dad".

The doctor smiled as Gabby was continuing to have a hand on mine.

"So, there have been problems during this month?"

"No, apart the morning sickness I'm good. Sometimes I feel... Weird but I think it's okay".

"Weird? As?"

"Uh... As if I have butterflies on my stomach, and couple times I'm out of... Strength or myself. I'm angry for nothing... You know".

"Ah... Yeah. Hormones. It's normal don't worry. But today, as I said the last time I will do some tests and see if buddy is okay".

Gabby stood up, released my hand and laid down on a bed. She turned her head and smiled.

"You can come in you know".

I nodded and stood up to join her. She lifted her shirt and lowered her pants so the doctor could put some gel on her belly. She placed the probe and waited to find buddy.

"Alors comme ça vous êtes Belge?" (So you're Belgian?)

Doctor Alerson turned to Gabby.

"Oh mon Dieu! Vous parlez français?!" (Oh my God! You're speaking french?!)

"J'ai appris à l'école oui. Et je suis restée une année au Québec". (I learned at school yeah. And I stayed a year in Quebec)

"Vous ne pouvez pas savoir comme je suis contente d'apprendre ça! Mais comment vous avez su que..." (You don't know how I'm happy to hear that! But how did you know that...)

"Sonia me l'a dit quand elle a su que vous étiez mon médecin". (Sonia told me when she knew you'll be my OBGYN)

"And you? Matt, is that right?"

I startled and turned my face to her.

"Uh, yeah. That's right. What did you say?"

"I asked if you can also speak french".

"Uh, just a little. I wasn't good at school".

"I see. So I will do this appointment in english".

"No, no that's okay. I can't speak but I can understand what you're saying, don't worry".

"Oh... Okay then".

She focused on the screen to find buddy. And suddenly, a sound came on our ears, invaded the space. And then, I felt myself crying.

"Matt? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

I wiped my tears with my free hand and tightened the other. I was hypnotised by the image on the screen.

"Hey there buddy! You grew up!" the doctor said.

* * *

 **Gabby's POV**

Matt was elsewhere, looking at the screen, hearing buddy's heartbeat.

"Alors, le petit bout a dix semaines, et sa taille est... Plutôt bonne, peut-être un petit peu grand mais rien d'alarmant". (So buddy is ten weeks, his size is... Pretty good, maybe a little tall, but nothing too alarming)

Doctor Alerson frowned a little and moved the probe lower in my belly.

"Qu'est-ce qu'il y a docteur?", I asked concerned. (What is it doc?)

"Je... Je voudrais être sure de quelque chose". (I... I want to be sure about something)

"Et euh... À propos de quoi?" (And uh... About what?)

"Juste... Laissez-moi faire cela et je vous dirai ensuite d'accord?" (Just... Let me do this and I will tell you okay?)

I was worry. She was worrying me. On the other hand, Matt was still focused on the screen, trying to figure this all thing out.

"Très bien, donc je vais faire des tests complémentaires aujourd'hui. Je pense que le placenta n'est pas bien placé. Il est assez bas dans votre utérus. Comme je le disais, je vais faire les tests d'usage et des tests complémentaires pour déterminer le risque". (Okay, so I will do some more tests during the appointment. I think the placenta isn't in the right place. It's low in your uterus. As I said I will do some other tests to determine the risk)

"Il y a des risques?" (There are risks?)

"Chaque grossesse comporte des risques. Vous m'avez dit la dernière fois que dans votre famille vous avez des problèmes avec les grossesses. D'où les test complémentaires. On va trouver un moyen de vous aider à passer une grossesse sereine". (Each pregnancy has its risks. But you told me the last time that in your family you have problems with pregnancies. It's just usual and complemental tests okay? We'll try to find a way to help your pregnancy to get well)

Matt and I were anxious, very anxious. But it will be okay, we'll figure this out. I was sure about this.


	25. The good one

Hello hello everyone! It's not the end of this story, but I can see that it's not as good as wanted (for you I mean). But here we go: a new wafe of inspiration caught me and I wrote the following of the storyline I began at the end of the 18th chapter (51 is my family).

I trully hope you will like and understand what I wrote at the end (with Kelly and Hermann's plan. You'll know what I mean with reading).

Enjoy!

* * *

 **External POV**

It was almost a month since Kelly had returned to work at the firehouse, such as Gabby. In fact, Kelly took a shift while Gabby kept an eye on Matt, and the next day it was Gabby who worked and Kelly who took care of him. Nobody really wanted to leave him alone in the apartment. Matt was still saying that everything would be fine, that there was no danger, but Gabby and Kelly knew it wasn't true: Oleg was still free, wanting to kill Matt all costs for having killed his business. He wasn't safe, not after what Oleg had already done to him. Today was Gabby's turn to stay at the apartment and Kelly had to go to work. He trusted her, she was going to keep him safe. Back into the firehouse and heading to the lockers room, Hermann ran to him, a tablet in hand.

"Severide wait!"

"I can change before? Or is it urgent?"

A big smile was outlined on his face, a smile like he had almost never seen. Kelly frowned, puzzled and perplexed.

"Good news?" Kelly asked by taking the road of the lockers room.

Hermann followed him to his locker and sat on the bench while Kelly was changing.

"I think I've found the house for Dawson and Casey".

Kelly froze, surprised, then turned to Hermann. The latter nodded slightly, his face lit up.

"You heard well".

"You sure this is THE house? It's not that I don't trust you, but your plans almsot fell into the water before. And I don't want to screw up on this one".

Hermann said nothing, but handed him the tablet he had in his hands. Still puzzled, Kelly took it into his own hands and lit the screen. He saw the house. It was a 1380pi² house with four bedrooms and a large bathroom, a kitchen opened to a huge living room, and a 1100pi² garden. It was the dream of a lifetime for Casey. In addition, the house was in the same neighborhood, near the firehouse.

"Oah, she looks... This shack looks nice. The price also has to be good", Kelly remarked sarcastically.

Hermann smiled again, got up and approached Kelly. He put one of his fingers on the tablet and made down the text. Far below, the price was written.

"That's impossible..."

Kelly's eyes widened. He couldn't believe it.

"There's something fishy, it's not possible..."

"No cost to not look by ourselves".

Unable to speak, the two men looked each other in the eye. Kelly's face began to glow too.

"You warned the other?"

"I wanted to tell you this before".

He finished dressing after having restored the tablet to Hermann and closing his locker, he reflected.

"Okay. Let's go for a ride. I warn chief, we take our gear and we keep our radios on".

"Understood, I gather everyone in the common room".

Kelly nodded and parted from Hermann to see Boden who was also changing while his colleague gather the guys in the common room.

"Chief?"

Mechanically, he turned while doing his tie.

"Severide, what can I do for you?"

"Do you remember when I asked the guys if they could raise some money and help me find a home for Gabby and Matt?"

"Indeed, but it was about two months ago".

"I know chief. But... We may have found THE house".

Boden straightened, surprised. He also wondered about this house now.

"I just saw the ad, the house seems to be perfect for them. I am pretty sure", he reassured.

"You put aside enough money to buy it?"

"With the help of the others, we put aside a lot of money. Overall I think I set aside about... I will say a little more than 150 000$".

"And the house would cost how much?"

Kelly smiled and gave the price to Boden, who also widened his eyes. He opened his mouth but no sound came out.

"I had the same face!" Kelly explained laughing.

"It is impossible that... There has to be something down there".

"That's why we would like to take a look. Now. We will see this house, we take our gear with us and we keep our radios on".

Boden sighed, becoming serious for a moment.

"You know that technically I should not allow this ride?"

"But you will, right? To Matt. And Gabby. And mini Dawsey".

He took several seconds to think before answering.

"Go ahead. But keep me informed".

"I'll call you once there".

Boden nodded while Kelly was leaving the office and walked toward the common room. All firefighters were there, including high-ranking officers from the firehouse. They were all waiting for an answer.

"We can go".

They cried almost of joy in knowing this, then moved towards their trucks to get in and head for the house in question. Truck 81 led the way as it was Hermann who had the address.

"Hermann? Aren't you afraid that Casey could see us? I mean, it's not far from where he lives".

"Nah. If he sees us, we will say that we had a call not far away, a gas leak or something".

"But Casey is not that stupid. We never managed to lie to him about anything. He feels it when we lie to him".

"Then try to be as convincing as possible. Now focus on the road and drive".

"Yes sir..."

The rest of the ride was very quiet, nobody really dared to speak. After ten long minutes, they arrived at the house. All down their trucks, they approached the house. It was still inhabited. The curtains of one of the room slightly stirred, and soon after, the door opened, revealing a distraught woman.

"My God, there's a problem? With the house?"

"No, Madame, no! There is no problem. We're just... Somehow here as civilians. We saw your ad..."

"Ah... I knew that the price was not legal".

She seemed almost depressed, sorry.

"In fact, maybe we would be interested".

She looked up, eyes wide open.

"Interested? By my house?"

Firefighters all nodded simultaneously.

"One of our colleagues is going through a hard time and... And he needs to rebuild his life elsewhere. This house would probably be a way for him to start a new life", Severide explained calmy.

"And... The low price would allow him to do it, right?"

"Actually... He's not aware. It's a surprise".

The woman was even more puzzled now.

"Well... You want to come in?"

Kelly smiled and stepped forward, nodding, followed by Hermann. The others had not moved. No need. The two men knew Casey well enough to know if it was the right house. The two friends then went back inside the house. They were surprised.

"I... Posted the ad because there is a lot of work to do. The house is poorly insulated and it's getting old. Part of the wood is beginning to fall apart, almost everything is to redo. My husband has already bought a new house at the other egde of the town, so we try to sell this one. Without much success until today".

Hermann and Kelly looked at each other, both with the same idea in mind.

"Are you thinking about what I'm thinking?"

"I think so".

They then turned to the owner.

"Madam, could you help us?"

"Spill it out".

"If we buy the house, we would need you for something".

She crossed her arms to her chest, waiting for the explanation.

"Our colleague, who's going through a bad time as we told you. He is a self-contractor in construction, especially wood construction. You... You might call him on your behalf and get him here and estimate the amount of work it would be?"

The young woman didn't know what to expect, but certainly not this.

"I don't really understand..."

"If he comes to see the house for an estimate, we'll know about the amount of work through your help, then we can see if we buy your house to do the work", Hermann began to explain.

"And if we buy your house, if you can still help us a little more...", Kelly added.

"A little more?"

"To summarize: you help us to get an estimate, if it is affordable, we buy your house. But the time to do the renovation, is that possible for you to... To stay in the house? So that... Our friend had no suspicion? Please?"

Kelly almost begged this woman to walk with them. But she was really lost.

"I-I... I can call my husband? He will probably be more... Well, I'm not good at this, it's my husband who does this stuff".

"No problem. We don't have a call for now".

The young woman turned around, took her phone and called her husband. Working nearby, in five minutes, he was there.

"Honey, why there are firefighters out... Side..."

Surprised too, the end of his sentence was almost inaudible.

"There is a problem with the house?"

"Darling? They are there for the ad".

"Oh".

The husband looked at the two firefighters from head to toes.

"You are... Interested?"

"I explain. We have a colleague who has to rebuild his life... And we would like to surprise him. We're seeking a house for him, his future wife and their unborn baby, and when we fell on the ad, we immediately thought that your house would be THE house".

"As you surely have understood, there is a lot of work to do before we can live in it. This is why we lowered the price to its maximum, because we knew that the price of the work would be high and we didn't have the money to undertake them".

"We know, your wife kindly explained it. Our colleague owns a wood contruction business, and we wanted to know if you could help us in our surprise to him. He can realize an estimate on your behalf, and if it is affordable for us, we buy your house and we pay all the work".

"But..."

For the husband, there was necessarily a but somewhere. Even if he had to work with firefighters, he knew beware.

"If the price is reasonable for us, he will do the work for sure. But not to arouse his suspicions... We..."

Kelly did not know how to explain and ask this favor to people he didn't know.

"We would like to know if you'd be willing to stay in this house during the work to not arouse his suspicion".

The husband raised his hands, as if to stop the two firefighters.

"Wait, I resume. If the price of this work and the price of the house are in your budget, you buy the house, your friend do the renovation that you will pay, and this friend will live in this house without it realizes anything. And for that, you ask us to stay in the house during the work", the husband summed up.

"To make it simple... That's it", Severide assured.

"And... That should... take how long?"

"I don't know yet, I think that when he will make the estimate, and above all if you accept, he will tell you how long it should take".

"I see. Well, I'm ready to call your friend for... For an estimate. And we can see after that what we're gonna do, alright?"

"No problem! I give you my number, I would be free almost all the time".

Kelly wrote his phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to the husband.

"And if this maniac isn't available, call me at this number. I will be free".

He then registered his own number on the same piece of paper. Just then, the radio crackled and main called them on a car accident.

"We gotta go. Here, I give you his work number. You can call him".

Kelly gave him Matt's number before Hermann and he went running toward the trucks.

Much later in the morning, Gabby came to the firehouse for her shift as a PIC. She was accompanied by Matt, as every day for about a month, then he came again with Kelly in the apartment. That way, he could take some fresh air and he could see his colleagues and friends.

"Hey! Casey!"

His men saluted him as every three days and gathered around him, keeping their distance to not scare him.

"How are you ? You don't go crazy too much at the apartment?"

"I... I'm turning the corner. Slowly. But surely. I would like to go back to work but... Chaplain Orlovsky hasn't cleared me... So I wait".

He forced a smile and looked down.

"Casey, give yourself a little time to... to pick up the pieces. Okay? It takes time to heal internally and be back in 100% before going back to work. This won't be long, I'm sure", Hermann tried to reassure.

"Thank Hermann. Thank you to all of you... For your support".

All addressed one last smile at Casey and spread out to go home. Kelly stopped next to him and tapped his shoulder slightly.

"Let's go home?"

"Uh... Kelly? Could we... Go somewhere before? I...", he began, but stopped, not knowing how to explain himself. "I... Received a call from someone who... Who would like an estimate for a renovation. He uh... He said it was urgent and... And it's in the neighborhood, not far from here".

Severide knew what he was talking about, but acted as if nothing had happened. He was also glad to know that Matt had agreed to take a little work to not get bored in the apartment.

"Of course. If I can help you", he assured.

"Thanks".

They got into the car, ready to go to the house. Matt's possible future house, without his knowing.


	26. Author's note

Hello hello!

I know you hoped a new chapter, but here is the deal.

When we started this fanfiction (Justicerocks and I), we knew how to finish this story, BUT we haven't thought about the flashbacks. Right now, I don't even know how to introduce them into the story. I'm stuck right now. + there is still a free Oleg somewhere, ready to kill Matt. THEREFORE: I don't know how to "deal" with that.

I decided then to rewrite the story from chapter one. I will keep these chapters and modify them, but I will begin the story from the scene where Dawson found Katya's body, and not from when they found Matt. I means that I won't deal with these flashbacks (there still will be flashbacks but not a lot) and you will know what happened to him during his missing, AND how his family and friends had handled this.

As I said, I will modify the chapters already written to have a good story.

For now, here is a summary of what happened to him during his captivity:

\- They tortured him every day, physically, mentally and sexually. That's why he's like this with everyone _Kelly, then Sonia and Walcott managed to gain his trust_.

\- He didn't eat or drink in his four days of captivity.

\- They threatened him to touch/kill his family if he didn't talk, but he "played" with this to tell them that if they touched them, he won't talk (even if he didn't know where was Katya's notebook). Just to protect his mafily and friends.

\- They did some videos when they tortured him to "give some news of Matt to his family", hoping that he would talk (but no). He was aware of these videos and that's why he couldn't deal with Gabby around him (shame mainly).

\- He thought about Hallie, just to keep himself alive. She was this voice into his head that talked to him, helped him to get through this hell.

I can't tell you much more (in details I mean), but that's why I'm rewriting this story: giving details about what happened into the next chapters will be hard. Giving details is easy, it's more how to put them: when, where, how... Except in nightmares, how I would put them into these following chapters?

Anyway, I hope you will understand my opinion and why I'm doing this, but I promise that this rewriting will be soon updated. I promise.


	27. Some numerous details

Hello my dear readers! I'M BACK ON THIS STORY!

Some friends (hello girls!) convinced me to not write a new version and continue this one.

AHEM! So, I have an idea to include what I wanted to do with this rewriting into THIS story. This is the last chapter before a break of 11 chapters (if all goes as planned) to explain EVERYHING that happened during these foour days of captivity, whether it's Matt's POV or his relatives'. I will explain at the beginning of the next chapter, but after this break, I will continue where I stopped (meaning the end of this chapter) and I will continue with a third person POV.

I hope you're still loving this story!

* * *

 **Chapter 26 : Some numerous details**

Arrived at the door, Matt was highly anxious, and Kelly was beside him as support. It was the first time he accepted to work since the event, and it was paralyzing him. He took a deep breath, and exhaled, trembling.

"Hey".

Kelly placed a soft hand on his shoulder.

"Eveything is gonna be fine, I'm sure".

Matt forced a smile the nodded. Kelly was always right since a few weeks. He deigned to knock at the door, and some seconds later, a man opened it. He immediately recongized Kelly, but said nothing. He perfectly remembered their deal done earlier.

"You're Mr. O'Maley?"

"Yeah, that's me. And you're Matthew Casey?"

"Uh, just Matt".

Matt smiled very slightly and the man invited them to enter.

"Kelly Severide. I'm with Matt on some of his jobs", Kelly said, shaking hands with the man as nothing happened.

Without even be noticed by Matt, Kelly gave him a wink, as to ask him to play the game.

"Ryan O'Maley. Nice to meet you. And this is my wife Irna".

"Good evening gentlemen. Do you want something to drink? Coffee, water?"

"No, thanks. Matt?"

"Uh, I should be fine. Thank you".

Matt was looking around him. There were some wooden moldings pretty original, and he found them beautiful. He moved around, discovering numerous ebony details from the room.

"That's one of the reason why we called you. One of our... One of our friends recommended you, explaining you did a great job in their house, then we didn't even hesitate".

Matt nodded, but didn't answer. Not yet.

"You want me to do what in your house?"

"Well, we would like to... Have some change. We called you because you have the reputation to improvise some beautiful things. My wife and I would like to give you free hand for your work".

"The entire house?"

"Well... If you could do it, then it would be awsome. Calling a great professionnal would ruin us, and we would have had a typical house in return".

"Then... You give me a free hand... On the entire house?"

"Yeah!" the man insisted with a big smile.

This awakened his curiosity. So Kelly decided to intervene.

"What Matt wants to know is why a free hand and why the entire house".

"Oh... Uh, well..."

Ryen was trying to find the proper words so that Matt would accept the job. At least do an estimation.

"As you can see, our house is tumbling. The wood is rotting, but we don't want to go. This house gave us the opportunity to rebuild our life after a... After a traumatic event. We want to keep this house and for this, we need your help. Can you?"

Matt took some time to think before answering. He wass doubting. He was scared. It was just a simple construction work, but he felt his stomach launch.

"Matt? Hey, look at me".

Matt gazed at Kelly, who were smiling slightly but warmly.

"If you have doubtso nthis job, then let's do this together".

Matt understood that Kelly didn't want to expose his fear to the couple, and he was thankful about this. He knew he could count on him in every moment.

"Okay".

He turned then his head toward the couple.

"I will help you. I will do the estimation as soon as I can".

"Thank you, for everything. You just saved our life".

Matt feigned a smile, grabbing his camera to take some pictures.

"How many rooms do you have?"

"We have four bedrooms, a huge bathroom, including two rooms upstaris with a shower room, the kitchen is open space on this main room, as you can see. And the garden is about 1100pi². There are also a small cave and a garage".

"How much pi² fit to live?"

"I would say... 1400pi²?"

Matt was amazed. A main part of the house was single storey.

"We would like to renovate the second room on this main floor for our unborn child".

Kelly opened his eyes wide, turning his head toward the couple.

"Congratulations! When you're due?!" he asked, surprised.

"According to the OB/GYN, Janurary 31st".

Kelly then remembered that he didn't talk about Gabby's due. He just told them that Matt was gonna be a dad soon, but he didn't give any details. Was that luck that they gave almost the right due, or Irna was really pregnant?

"You do this soon!"

"We would like to do this soon, indeed, so that we won't run everywhere! My wife already miscarried once because of the stress, so we don't want to face it a second time".

"I get it. The sooner, the better then!"

Matt was still taking some pictures, both inside and outside the house, in every angle and every side. After thirty minutes of discussion about the specificities of this house, Matt and Kelly left the house to go the their apartment. Once there, Kelly wanted to know Matt's feeling.

"So? What do you think about this house?"

Matt finished the glass of water he served for himself, then answered.

"The main room is full of so many little details... Very interesting".

"Uh uh... You like this house, admit it".

"To tell the truth... I envy them. Their hosue is beautiful. And they seemed to have really gone through hell no a long time ago. Rebuild this house will mean drawing a line in this event. And maybe it will help me to draw a line in mine".

"You will accpet then?"

"I do the estimation first. I'll call my suppliers, my contacts and see if they can help me with their trades. Then we'll see if the family agrees".

Luckily, Kelly knew all the suppliers and contacts of Matt, because of his recent works with them, helping Matt on some jobs. Contact them after Matt will be a breeze for him. Matt came to his computer, charging his database and his architecture software as well as the pictures he took earlier to recreate the house and the rooms in 3D and custoomized. After a few hours of negociations with his colleagues, Matt already had a first estimation.

"Matt? I'm going for a ride while you're working. So you can be alone and in a calm room. I come back as soon as I can".

"Okay".

Looking Matt working on his computer one last time, he charged all his pictures on his phone and left the apartment. Three hours later, Kelly stopped by the house to see the loving couple. He nkocked and Ryan opened, surprised.

"Hey".

"Hey! It's... Kelly Severide, rigt?"

"Yeah, that's me!"

"Oh, sorry!" Please come in!"

Ryan invited him to have a seat after entering.

"What can I do for you this time?"

"Well, Matt already had a first estimation, but he's still trying to have some reductions. A huge part of the firefighters of Chicago are doing a construction job off shift, so Matt know them. But he doesn't know that I called them after him to explain the situation, without giving any details. And they're in. they will work in your house for free".

Ryan and Irna didn't really understand, and let him know.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I can buy your house and pay for the work. Well, if the deal is still there".

"Of course, it is! I'm happy for you! And your friend".

"By the way, I was wondering... You're really pregnant?"

The woman smiled.

"Yeah. That's why we wanted to leave the house: it will be insane for our child. Why?"

"Well, at first I was surprised, because I told you that Matt will be a dad in a few months, but I never told you when it will due. So when you gave us the due date, my jaw dropped".

"The due date is the same as us?"

"January 24th. If all goes well. It will be Matt's birthday actually".

"Oah! Best gift ever then!"

They laughed together once again and Kelly left them after ten minutes. He called then Brett.

"This is Sylvie Brett".

"Hey Brett, this is Kelly. Can I ask you a service?"

"Uh... Yeah?"

"Is Dawson at the apartment?"

"No, she's working at Molly's tonight".

"I can come by? It won't be long".

"Okay, no problem".

Fifteen minutes later, he was there, sitting in face of Brett.

"Explain what is it. It seemed urgent on the phone".

"Well... As you may know, Hermann may have found a house for Gabby and Matt".

"Yeah, chief Boden told us. It's okay?"

"I can say that yes! I just have to pay for Matt's work and buy the house".

"Oh my God, this is fantastic!"

"And I will need your help".

Brett became serious again, clearing his throat.

"My help?"

"Matt will realise all the wood stuff. And I would like to know what Gabby likes as decorations without her suspiscion".

"You... Asked me too much right now".

"No, just... Look".

Kelly grabbed his phone and showed all the pictures to Brett.

"Oah, this house is awsome!"

"If you can show these pictures to her, pretexing one of your friends from your former job dealing with the deco of her house, or no matter what excuses. But I need to know what she's thinking about the house, you know what I mean?"

"Yes I mean what you mean, but I'll get busted right away! Gabby knows me, she will know immediately that there is something fishy".

"You forget a detail: she's too focussed on Matt to see anything else".

Kelly was right, Gabby was too worried about Matt's health to notice this. This surprise would be one until the end.


End file.
